Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Home alone for 10 days at 36 -37 weeks pregnant

41 replies

lorenk · 15/06/2017 04:51

My husband wants to take a 14 hour flight to see his son (for his birthday) when I'll be 36 weeks pregnant.
It's my first pregnancy & I don't want to be alone for 10 days so late in my pregnancy. I also live a 2 hour flight from my family so it's not like I have any family of my own to call on (his mum will go with him). I also don't have any good friends here (I've only been here a year).
Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just shut up & let him go despite the fact I feel stressed about it already?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Meowstro · 15/06/2017 04:55

How old is his son? Could his son come to you to visit instead?

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 04:55

He will be 4 so that's not possible.

OP posts:
Paninotogo · 15/06/2017 04:56

Can he go any earlier?

Paninotogo · 15/06/2017 04:58

Oh his son is little, yes I would probably let him go. Could he go for just 1 week?

OhTheRoses · 15/06/2017 04:59

I think when you have your own baby you will understand. It's a bit off but can't your mum come to stay?

Meowstro · 15/06/2017 05:00

Could you have a relative come stay during that time? Or as pp said, him go earlier - by a couple of weeks?

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:02

I would prefer him to go earlier - if I'm 30/32 weeks pregnant I don't have a problem... but he has picked his exact dates (booked, then told me).

OP posts:
Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:03

Sure, my mum can take time off work to come. But I married him, not my mum.

It's like our child isn't important. He has told 3 people we are having a child because it's not a priority to share the news with his friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:04

Totally understand... he hasn't made the same effort previously & if I had known this was his plan I would never have wanted to be this pregnant at this time.

OP posts:
WateryTart · 15/06/2017 05:15

He's being a prick. Very unkind - do you want to spend your life with man like that?

Meowstro · 15/06/2017 05:29

It sounds like there are bigger problems than just this.

It's crappy and selfish not to discuss it with you first to see how you felt or that he didn't leave it as an open ticket. Can he afford to book and come back on a flight as soon as labour starts, if necessary?

I completely get where you are coming from, I'm a FTM to be and I'm nearly at that stage now, I wouldn't want my DH to do that and would be livid at such a long visit. However, forbidding him to go will come across badly so if you do take that route, tread very carefully as the needs of his other child are also important. For your H's sake, I hope this is an annual thing for his son's birthday and not something he's just suddenly decided to do this year!?

kateandme · 15/06/2017 05:30

have you explained to him how frightend you are and wot your feeling?could because of the sitation he change the plans and go later or earlier.
have you been honest on your fears.
I know this must be really scary and I cant give any advice persay.try your best to come to an arrangement.then if he cant stay then that on him not you and you still need to be brave,seek support elsewhere,could you then call in family to come.no its not ideal but its needed hun.you still need someone there I am only sorry if it cant be the father.
I don't want to put blame on anyone who say who is right or wrong here ecause that wont help either of you.you must be feeling anxious enough without that argument in your head of right or wrong.
he loves his child and wants to be there and you need him for you and the new little one too. so your both right eseentially.
but this is a tricky situation.
fingers cross you can work it out.take care though either way.

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:43

That was worded so lovely kateandme. Your points are all of what I feel!

OP posts:
Expat38matt · 15/06/2017 05:44

I feel for you as I live in another country from family
DH went on a trip 4 hrs away when I was about 37 weeks and I didn't want to say no as realistically it would be fine but he had to be ready to jump on next flight if needed
14 hours is a little different and not so easy to get back
The 4 hr trip was discussed and agreed
I see he wants to see his son but doesn't appear to have taken the fact you're alone with no family or friends and he's a day travel away
Is everything else ok?!

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:45

So many problems! Flights only leave at 11pm at night, so it would take at least 24 hours for him to be home, longer depending on when I told him.

I'm just so disappointed that he hasn't considered how I felt, or made the effort to tell any of his friends we are having a child. Even though he hounded me for months & months for a baby.

OP posts:
Expat38matt · 15/06/2017 05:46

Just seen that your mum can come
TBH I'd say it was fine if my mum was here as back up. The reality is you're not likely to deliver during that time and if u do you won't be alone
The shitty thing is not discussing and agreeing with u before and just presenting it to u

Expat38matt · 15/06/2017 05:47

So what else is going on OP?

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:47

How long was your DH away for expat?

I feel like he's prioritising his first child. He's made no effort to tell his friends about our upcoming arrival (3 people, I'm 22 weeks & I had to keep thebpregnancy a secret at our wedding when I was 22 weeks). He doesn't see sharing the news as anything urgent.

OP posts:
sandgrown · 15/06/2017 05:55

Agree with PP that you probably won't deliver when he is away. I guess he can't change the date if he is visiting for his son's birthday. Could he have thought it's better to travel now so he will be around when baby arrives and you need support? I would ask your mum or a friend to come and stay for a few days.

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 05:59

I don't think the baby will come & not too worried about that. It's more the impractacalities that come with being so big... & also feeling frightened because I haven't experienced it before.

If my mum comes, she will drive me crazy. My employer won't let me work past 36 weeks so I'll have to spend every day with her. I love her, but she's very critical/judgmental & it's not what I need.

OP posts:
Rockandrollwithit · 15/06/2017 06:05

I'm sorry but I think YAB a bit U. I understand why you don't want to be alone but it's not a competition between his children. His son's birthday can't be changed and you aren't likely to go into labour. I think his DS should be his priority on his birthday.

crazyzooo · 15/06/2017 06:26

I can absolutely see why he would want to be with his son but... I went in to Labour at 36+2 with my first and did not have a very nice time... I would ask him not to go (and would feel awful about it!).

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 06:29

Oh that's awful to hear crazy. I don't have a problem with him going if it was earlier - 30 - 34 weeks i wouldn't even blink an eye.

OP posts:
Bue · 15/06/2017 06:32

I understand your feelings so I don't want to sound insensitive. But he is prioritising the child he has right now. Realistically you are not going to deliver while he is away - what can he do to at home to "prioritise" your unborn baby?

Maybe he didn't tell very many people when his ex was pregnant with his first either? You weren't there so you don't know.

He will love your child as much as he loves his first one, but I think it's entirely appropriate for him to go on this trip.

Original poster
lorenk · 15/06/2017 06:35

You're not being insensitive Bue.

Everyone knew about his first child very early - long before half way.

OP posts: