Home alone for 10 days at 36 -37 weeks pregnant

[lorenk]

My husband wants to take a 14 hour flight to see his son (for his birthday) when I'll be 36 weeks pregnant.
It's my first pregnancy & I don't want to be alone for 10 days so late in my pregnancy. I also live a 2 hour flight from my family so it's not like I have any family of my own to call on (his mum will go with him). I also don't have any good friends here (I've only been here a year).
Am I being unreasonable? Or should I just shut up & let him go despite the fact I feel stressed about it already?

It could just be a classic second child thing. I'm 26 weeks with number 2 and realised last week that I hadn't told a very good friend abroad! I think about this pregnancy far less than the last one, as does DH. What makes this attitude more difficult for you is that this is your first pregnancy and it is so exciting. I can understand the upset. But I am sure his ambivalence will disappear when baby arrives.

I wouldn't want DH going that far away at that point in my pregnancy either - and I'm pregnant with #2. I have friends who had major unexpected complications at 36 weeks, two were hospitalized. I would also alone as we live overseas with no family within 12 hrs flight so I completely understand your worries here.

However you need to sort out your feelings of jealousy and competition towards his other child ASAP. These kids are siblings, don't start driving a wedge between them already.

I'm more concerned that he arranged and booked the trip with his mum before discussing it with you.
All plans , how money is being spent is are joint decisions. Going is not the bad part but planning and booking it without talking it through with you first is a real concern to me.
It's not about asking permission it's about planning together and being part of each others lives. For example my H may say X is touring I fancy going to that. My response is sounds good. When is it. No that doesn't clash with anything. He gets the tickets and goes with a friend. (We have different music tastes).
He or I would never book or plan something without the other knowing. The fact that he plans without running it past you first rings alarm bells to me.

I would have no issues having 10 days by myself in late pregnancy, just means you get to put your feet up, watch whatever rubbish you want on TV and relax! However, I absolutely would have issues with him going this late in pregnancy as there is a very real possibility he will miss the birth of your child, and that's something if it happened because he'd gone away without discussing it with me that I would be unable to forgive. Over 37 weeks is full term so if he's away for 10 days you'll be 37.5? Everyone does the 'first babies are always late' but my first was born 2 weeks early for no apparent reason or due to any complications, that's just when he was ready! He has responsibilities and obligations to his first child but it is extremely uncaring to have booked this without discussion

Have you asked DH why he hasn't told more people about the baby and why he wanted it kept secret?

I'm not jealous, I just feel that me/baby #2 aren't getting the same consideration or attention. It's like something he has to hide. He has completely ruined being pregnant for me. From having to keep it a secret from my friends/family until after the wedding, to him not wanting to share the news with his friends (mutual friends with mother of child number 1).

How often does he get to see his son? It must be very hard being 14 hours away.

I also understand how you are feeling.

Badg, he doesn't feel the need to go out of his way to tell people, it's not something he thinks about & isnt a priority. All his words. So as you can see, I feel great about having his second child.

He sees his son 2 - 4 times a year.

Hi OP he was away for a week in Mexico on a boys trip. However he was only a 4 hr flights and 2 hr time difference away if he'd been needed
I don't think yabu but I'm more concerned with you dp keeping it all quiet and doing his own thing! It's not good for you really !

Sorry but you are being precious. As a fully grown woman you should be capable of being on your own for 10 days, pregnant or not! DH was away with work when we had DD2, didn't get back until she was 2 months old, it was fine.

Second babies don't get the same priorities as first babies. In most cases, this is because the first child is resident and you are involved in them getting on with their day to day life and hoping that the baby doesn't turn up on the day of Sports Day/school concert/birthday party etc etc. Obviously this isn't your second child but it is his. Isn't it nice that he wants to spend his birthday with his son? Yes, it would have been ideal had his son's birthday been earlier in your pregnancy but very few people can plan babies that exactly. At least his son's birthday doesn't fall a month or so after your due date as that would be a more difficult balancing act.
An advantage of this being your first baby is that you are unlikely to go into labour whilst he is away. Of course you might do but, statistically, the probability is low.
The fact that he hasn't told other people about the pregnancy could point to major issues, it could point to embarrassment (how old was his son when he and the mother separated? How long has he been with you? Who made the decision to move 11 hours away etc) or it could just be that he is a bloke. My DH was thrilled that I was pregnant yet he failed to tell some very obvious people. It seems that if you're in the pub discussing football, you don't say "oh, DW is pregnant". Similarly, DH has been out several times with friends whose other halves are pregnant and either not been told or not told me.
You're a step mother. Your step son is part of your life and, as the existing child, takes priority and will continue to do so in some ways even once your DC is born as he already has a structured life, term times/holidays & all of that sort of thing to factor in.

He was never with the mother, it was a hook up. We are married & he still doesn't want people to know despite begging for a baby.

Have you thought OP that maybe he doesn't want DC1's Mother to tell him and that actually he wants to surprise DC1 with a sibling when the baby is born?

If you want to tell people then put it wherever you want, but if it involves mutual friends who could potentially tell his DC then really you need to discuss that with him.

With the problem of DC1 being a priority... REALLY? This is a sibling to your DC and put it this way say DH missed a birthday of your DC you would be fuming? I think really you have insecurities involving his Ex-P, you are married so this should really not be a concern.

Whatever your main concerns are you need to sit down and discuss this with him properly. It sounds like you have literally just gotten married and so you should be buzzing off of that, not arguing about a trip away! (If he made you keep it a secret at the wedding when you were 22weeks and you are 22 weeks now)

@badg - he doesn't think about telling people & it's not a priority when he talks to his mates. BUT he talked about how we spent time with his son on our honeymoon... So he can bring up one child but not the other. Anywho.

*lorenk you sound jealous. Your new child isn't born yet, obviously your husband has more to say about his 4 year old son! I talk about DD way more than the fetus kicking around inside me because cute as it looks on the scans, it doesn't do much yet.