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Surrogacy and donor eggs - would you..?

31 replies

mollipops · 17/06/2002 07:00

These topics are big in the news here at the moment, since a Melbourne woman was recently charged with trying to sell her baby to a US couple over the internet for $10,000. The pregancy was a result of this woman having been a rape victim. She changed her mind once the baby was born, but she has been in foster care since then (she is now a year old I think).

When the news covered the story they also mentioned a website where this woman advertised the baby, where lots of mums and hopeful-parents-to-be advertise either to be a surrogate or to "buy" a baby. There are other women who advertise to donate/sell eggs. Just wondered what all the mumsnetters think about all this? Would you be prepared to carry a baby for another couple, or a relative who is unable to have her own (either for free or for money)? Would you consider either donating or selling your eggs? Personally while I admire the idea of allowing childless couples to be able to have children, I don't think I could carry a baby full-term and then just give it away, nor do I think I would feel comfortable with giving away (or selling) my eggs, even though they are in effect being "wasted" every cycle, since we do not plan to have any more children ourselves... But there are so many other ways to "help" childless couples these days, with GIFT and IVF, plus of course legal adoption...although I believe the waiting lists are very long and all these options are expensive and can take a long time.

Over to you...

OP posts:
Marina · 17/06/2002 09:24

Mollipops, I have an old friend suffering from secondary infertility who, after all the tests, has been told that IVF with a donated egg is the only chance for her to have a second child. So no matter how fantastic GIFT and other forms of fertility treatment are these days, egg donation is the only thing that can help her. She is currently on the waiting list. There are so many issues to consider in egg donation, but my basic instinct would be to offer to help her. There are two good reasons why I can't. I am too old - but despite the fact my eggs aren't "fresh", I am also currently pregnant myself. This after nearly two years of trying and knowing that if all the tests pointed to IVF it would be financially out of our range. I think a lot of the wonderful, selfless women who donate eggs through the clinic egg-sharing programmes in the UK know through experience what inability to conceive really means. Eggs are not legally sold in this country: they are "traded" via clinics for free/low-cost IVF, so that women who are ovulating but have to have IVF can help women out with ovulation problems.
Surrogacy is entirely another matter...not something I could do either.

PamT · 17/06/2002 09:44

I certainly couldn't be a surrogate, not that I would risk it anyway following my history of complications and prem babies. I don't think I could donate eggs either, though I admire anyone who does. Am I correct in thinking that you have to go through all the treatment to increase the nubmer of eggs as you would for IVF? Therefore suffering all the daily injections and related mood swings etc. My PMT is bad enough anyway without having something to aggrevate it. I don't think DH would be happy for me to do either anyway.

Azzie · 17/06/2002 12:11

I could never be a surrogate - I couldn't carry a baby then give him/her away. However, donor eggs is a different matter - I think that if it was for someone in the close family, such as my SIL, then I might (although this is immaterial anyway, because my eggs are officially past their sell-by date). I don't think I could donate my genetic material then not know how the child turned out.

sobernow · 17/06/2002 13:12

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

star · 17/06/2002 14:19

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SofiaAmes · 17/06/2002 17:30

My cousin and his wife have been going through surrogacy hell for the last 3 years. I think they have finally given up. Although I absolutely hate being pregnant, if I could have carried their child (his sperm, her eggs) for them I would have, but I am too old. I wouldn't have done it if it had required my eggs as I don't think I could ever donate my eggs (though i am too old at this point for it to be an option) and perhaps if i had an infertile sister I would feel differently. But perhaps as the child of scientists, I attach far greater importance to the genetic side of things than the actual carrying of the baby for 9 months.

Marina · 17/06/2002 18:59

Thanks star, I know how v. lucky I am. Unfortunately almost immediately I plucked up courage to mention it on Mumsnet I started spotting and am at home playing a waiting game right now. Nearly 12 weeks, so felt safe to start going public. Hope I wasn't wrong. Keep your fingers crossed for me - and all the other TTCs/early days gals on the boards too.
Have momentarily hijacked thought-provoking thread - sorry all.

bossykate · 17/06/2002 19:13

marina, fantastic news! congratulations! i know this issue has been a source of worry for you - brilliant!

bossykate · 17/06/2002 19:14

got carried away - hope spotting is just a blip. everything crossed for you!

Enid · 17/06/2002 19:44

marina, I am so pleased and happy for you, hope the spotting is OK. x E

jodee · 17/06/2002 21:43

Marina - keeping everything crossed - take it easy and let us know how you are. xxx

jenny2998 · 17/06/2002 22:05

Best Wishes Marina, let us know...

I personally, could not go through 9 months of pregnancy and then give the baby away. I bonded with both my children long before they were born and just couldn't imagine handing over any baby I had carried.

But egg donation. It is something I have thought about. I would like to be able to help someone. I am young enough (will be 22 next month....argghhhh!)but want more children before I'd consider it (i have 2 and want at least 4...preferably more).

PamT · 17/06/2002 22:11

Jenny2998, you want 4 or more children?????? Have you got to the cheeky, naughty, answering back, won't do as they are told stage yet? If I'd known how bad they get I don't know if I would have gone to 3. Having said that though, I have a friend with 5 and there is a mum at school who has 8 children (yes 8!!!) and the most amazing thing is that she always looks immaculate, make up and hair done, never screaming at her kids to behave etc. It was just the thought of car problems and holiday difficulties etc that put me off having any more above all else.

ScummyMummy · 17/06/2002 23:19

Marina- congratulations and very, very, very best wishes. I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you. xxxxx

jenny2998 · 18/06/2002 00:07

8 would be my ideal! I just love kids. My eldest is 3 and 3/4, and has his moments(!) but I'm sure it will get worse! I was the youngest of 2 where my parents each had big families (6 and 4) I always felt I was missing out as I never got on with my sister.

I have this rose-tinted idea of a big house in the country, full up with children....

At the moment stuck in a dingy 2-bed flat in a dingy area...

Keep dreaming Jenny

mollipops · 18/06/2002 04:19

Ok the medal goes to Jenny! I admire anyone who loves being a mum so much that she would even consider having more than 2 or 3 kids! But to feel so strongly about it that you would go thru that many pg's and births...goodness me!

Thanx for all your thoughtful replies - and congrats to marina and lots of happy and positive vibes winging their way over the waves to you!

OP posts:
bells2 · 18/06/2002 08:21

Marina - thinking of you. Remember that I and many others have had spotting throughout pregnancy (and yes it always seems to happen immediately after you've gone public).

CAM · 18/06/2002 09:33

Many congratulations Marina - let us know how things progress from now on. So now I know you were pregnant at the London lunch!

tigermoth · 18/06/2002 11:15

Marina, I'm thinking of you. Everything crossed!

sml · 18/06/2002 13:00

congratulations on pregnancy, hope everything goes well for you.

bayleaf · 18/06/2002 20:21

Hi Marina - got quite excited to read that you'd ''gone public'' so things must be ok and then reading down (up?) the thread my heart went out to you - have you had your nuchal scan yet?
I've got everything crossed for you and big hugs.

Marina · 19/06/2002 11:19

Thank you all ever so much for the cheering messages, it does mean a lot when you are sitting at home and fretting. I am not having symptoms any more - I think I must have just had too much fun at the weekend and overdone it slightly.
Because of where I live (on the extreme border of one borough and hospital catchment area) and general "bare minimum" attitude of my GP this time round, my antenatal care so far has been a bit disorganised and I have had to nag incessantly for referral to the right hospital for an early scan. But I have got a nuchal scan next week and will be hoping for a good result.
Ah well, back to the sofa. And there isn't even any footy today, chiz chiz. Thanks all, once again.

tigermoth · 19/06/2002 11:44

Hope you have a nice, restful day Marina. Glad everything's OK.

bossykate · 19/06/2002 11:58


there is an early pregnancy assessment unit at St Thomas' Hospital - it's a walk in service, you don't need a referral. it might set your mind at rest a bit earlier.

have been searching to find more details via google but no luck.

just a thought.

SueW · 19/06/2002 13:42

Marina - congrats and good luck. I hope you're enjoying the sunshine

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