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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My mother... a rant

34 replies

DivaSkyChick · 16/03/2007 23:40

I just called my mom to tell her about our 21 week scan today. Everything is normal and we're having a girl. We're delighted and I wanted to share.

Now my mom is great and I love her to death but after she tells me that's just wonderful news, she brings up the photos I sent her from our trip this past weekend.

Mom: I saw your photos, you're already showing!

Me: Yes, I know!

Mom: I didn't think it was normal to show until SIX months, well, I didn't show until six months.

Me, considering how to strangle her thru the phone line: Well Mom, I don't think your ONE pregnancy defines normal. [anger]

Me to self as I hang up in anger: And she was 22 when she had me, and a ballet dancer AND she's lying because I know she gained 40 pounds with me and there's no way she gained it all in the last twelve weeks!!!!

Maybe I should put this in the "am I over reacting" category but I just want to scream!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

booge · 16/03/2007 23:45

I spent both my pregnancies wanting to scream at my mother, comments like " ohh you are big" really helped I'm alot more tolerant of her again now.

onelife · 16/03/2007 23:45

No scream and then get used to it. Do you think this is the last time you will hear the words 'when I was having you.....'. 'When you were a baby........'? Next she will tell you that she lost all the weight within six weeks of delivering. Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!

chocolateface · 16/03/2007 23:46

Get used to this kind of behaviour from your mother; I suspect over the next few years there will be more to come. Sorry.

EllieK · 16/03/2007 23:49

mine has regularly asked when in feb i'm due, even tho she knows i'm due in april, just so then she can say "you're very big then" when i remind her i have longer than she thought

Uki · 17/03/2007 06:08

Would you rather her say "your not very big" and make you paranoid. That's my mum.

She is full of unhelpful and annoying comments, that's what there here for isn't it. Mostly she worries too much about me and ds.

The other thing Diva is they do not remember their pregnancies that well, so it changes constantly.

twentypence · 17/03/2007 06:19

2 hours after giving birth my mum apparently had a flatter stomach than I did a week later.

She is now morbidly obese and I am a size 12 and she saw no irony in this story.

Moral of the story - if you think that is bad then just wait for her next nugget!

RedFraggle · 17/03/2007 08:03

Don't believe a word of it! Mum's memories are hazed by time. My mum told me that she left the hospital a week after having me wearing her own "normal clothes". I'm so glad I took comfy, stretchy maternity clothes to come home in as it took me about 3 months to get back into my "normal wardrobe" (and that was my "large and stretchy" wardrobe too!
If I'd taken my usual clothes and tried to get into them in the hospital I probably would have cried!!!
Just smile and nod...

3sEnough · 17/03/2007 08:24

I agree - smile and nod and once not pregnant have a nice big drink too! They mean well and love you and I'm sure we'll be just as bad as them soon!!

fruitful · 17/03/2007 08:42

Store all the comments up to pass on to your daughter (we need an "evil grin" emoticon).

And you do forget. Ds is only 2 and I can't remember how big I was at what stage. I was chatting to a pg woman outside playgroup and she said she wasn't due till June. The words "my goodness you're huge" were on my lips and I only just bit them back in!

Admittedly your mum is being unkind and not thinking of your feelings as well as being a forgetful idiot. Get used to it, this is good training for all the unkind stupid comments people will be making about you and your child for the next 20-odd years. After that, its your turn to start making the comments.

Good job we have MN to rant on.

colditz · 17/03/2007 09:12

She has forgotton. It is normal to show at 4 months - it is normal not to show until 8. It doesn't bear a lot of weight with how big your baby is. Ignore.

As you said, she was a ballet dancer, probably reasonably tall with stomach muscles of steel then! She could well have gained the majority of her weight at the end, I did with ds1. But with ds2, I showed a lot earlier, gained a lot less weight, and strangely had a similar sized baby!

She will keep doing this.

remember this.

God had a reason for the menopause.

Catbabymummy · 17/03/2007 09:24

When I was 9 weeks, my mil said ooh you are showing.
"No mil, that's just fat...."

Original poster

DivaSkyChick · 17/03/2007 09:39

HAH!

Thank you ladies. I woke up feeling much better. I'm generally not one to take shit from anyone and I know she only got to me because I was tired.

Thank God for Mumsnet!

OP posts:

MrsMar · 17/03/2007 10:14

This sounds horribly familiar to me!! My mum suggested that I should try and not gain any weight during this pregnancy, so that effectively I'll have lost the 2stone extra I was carrying when I got pregnant. Hmmm nice! 'Fraid it's not going to happen mum, already put on 5lbs!! When she says things like that, the little devil in my head makes me eat giant bars of chocolate! hahahahaha!

FlossALump · 17/03/2007 10:18

See my mum can't remember a lot after 26 odd years . This is mostly a good thing, although you'd think she'd remember from last time with DS that a boozy lunch would be off the cards .

jabuti · 17/03/2007 11:26

when i was talking to my mom about my mood swings on the first 3 months, that sometimes i would take it out on my husband, and that a friend of mine was going through the same thing... she claimed that she 'didnt have any of it' during her pregnancies.

yeah, right. how can she remember of what happened 30 years ago during only 12 weeks... and on top of it, i know her relationship with my father was not a good one, lots of fights, etc, how would she know what was pregnancy hormones and what was just her bad relationship? yet, 'she didnt have any of it'.

our generation has so much more knowledge of what happens to our body during pregnancy than our mothers' generation. also, we can go on internet and read about thousands of women's pregnancy, what size they were in what stage... our mothers only had themselves, their family, and the nearby neighbors to compare.

ssd · 17/03/2007 11:29

diva, I can hardly remember the size I was at each preganancy and my 2 are young.......

you're mum might think she's being helpful , but I can guess she won't remember at all the size she was at each stage!!

Abwab · 17/03/2007 15:05

just tell her that being 'big' is one of the beauties of pregnancy. I loved it once i started showing with DS and I had a pretty big bump at 20 wks too.

specialmagiclady · 17/03/2007 15:22

My mother-in-law who is a really skinny (actually slim and elegant) woman says things like "I kept working 'til 6 months - unheard of in those days - because I just didn't show at all!" and "I never had morning sickness, but I was very hungry. I just cut up lots of carrot and kept it in the fridge to munch on".

Meanwhile I was inflating like a balloon and yacking up anything with vitamins in it... I really could only keep down biscuits at one stage.

Also when my PIL were staying at my parents house when my small boy was 12 weeks and wouldn't settle... "She just hasn't learnt to leave him to cry yet" in a patronising tone with conspiratorial looks.

Thye just can't remember. They're going batty.

tinkerbellhadpiles · 17/03/2007 15:24

My MiL has variously claimed with DH she never bf, bf for six weeks, bf for nine months etc. I blame senility and post partum hormones myself.

Mostly though I think it's because she's a cow.

katybird · 17/03/2007 15:46

Mums can be so irritating! Mine's been ok so far but I'm fully expecting inappropriate comments as the pg progresses, she has a habit of speaking before she thinks (the first thing she said when I told her I was expecting was "Couldn't you have waited till after the wedding next year?", even though she's thrilled).

My dad told me a story years ago about my gran (his MIL) when I was a newborn. We were living at her house at the time (must have been a nightmare for my dad, living with his in-laws, new wife and two babies...) and I was crying, and she had a right go at him when he wouldn't just leave me to it. So I'm expecting inappropriate comments from my gran too!

finbarr · 17/03/2007 16:22

my mil has just got back from a weeks holiday, and the first thing she said (before how are you feeling) was wow, you've grown!
seriously, it's not me that's grown - it's the baby inside me!
and anyway, what the hell do they expect, that you'll get smaller?
as if the heartburn, insomnia etc. wasn't enough, it's like having to carry a mirror anround with you isn't it?
why do people think it's okay to tell you how big they think you are ffs!

thanks for that, I feel a lot lighter now I've offloaded all of that..............

sorry ladies!

Rantum · 17/03/2007 16:27

Get used to it - and develop a thick skin! . For the rest of your life, people will tell how:
they did pregnancy better than you,

they looked after baby better than you,

they raised children better than you.

In my experience they do not mean to do this maliciously - they just can't help themselves. Mothers and MIL's are particularly bad because they think you will understand where they are coming from.

3sEnough · 18/03/2007 07:49

Oh finbarr - that sounds like a really nice and 'well meant' comment to me I really don't think they can win sometimes as I think it's our hormones making us sensitive to everything. Personally I was a hormonal wreck until at least 5 months!!lol

phdlife · 18/03/2007 14:23

god this has made me feel so much better about my mum! I'm so not even getting started, heh heh. But I reckon Rantum is on the money...

Original poster

DivaSkyChick · 19/03/2007 12:12

Update. Mom called on Sunday to tell me that's she's been shopping and shopping for the baby and needs a list of what I need so she can be sure she's got it all covered! lol Yes, Mom, you can buy my forgiveness!

Hee hee

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