My mother... a rant

[DivaSkyChick]

I just called my mom to tell her about our 21 week scan today. Everything is normal and we're having a girl. We're delighted and I wanted to share.

Now my mom is great and I love her to death but after she tells me that's just wonderful news, she brings up the photos I sent her from our trip this past weekend.

Mom: I saw your photos, you're already showing!

Me: Yes, I know!

Mom: I didn't think it was normal to show until SIX months, well, I didn't show until six months.

Me, considering how to strangle her thru the phone line: Well Mom, I don't think your ONE pregnancy defines normal. [anger]

Me to self as I hang up in anger: And she was 22 when she had me, and a ballet dancer AND she's lying because I know she gained 40 pounds with me and there's no way she gained it all in the last twelve weeks!!!!

Maybe I should put this in the "am I over reacting" category but I just want to scream!

oh, i think its sweet diva. she is really involved with your pregnancy. she didnt mean anything bad about you showing. i actually looooooooove when people notice my bump! i know she said 'i didnt think it was normal...' which could sound negative but what if she meant more like 'wow, thats amazing' kind of tone?

LOL nice thought but no dice Jabuti. I have her number, I know exactly what she meant. I love my mom to death but she's is definitely competitive. She's gorgeous and a fab little socialite and tons of fun to be with, but ooooh she is competitive!

It's okay, I shouldn't have gotten upset in the moment, I know how she is. But hormones got the best of me. I did forget to share with you guys the best part of the story, tho!

It was late night Friday when we had the conversation bc she's in the States. We were in a middle eastern sandwhich shop, on our way home from a show. Hubby heard me get upset and said, "we'll take that to go."

I was too upset to eat when we got home and as a result, only hubby was barfing his brains out with food poisoning for the rest of the night and well into the next day. Soooo, in the end, mom actually saved me!

Mom's always know best. Gotta remember that.

interesting, so she is competitive... i think a lot of women like showing their bump, its something to be proud about, isnt it? maybe she was a bit jealous of you showing yours 'so early' in her standards. mine is showing since i was 14 weeks, if you cared to notice of course.

my mom can make strange comments like that sometimes, and i wonder if she is jealous. for example, im about to start my training scheme to work in a new field, and my mom asked 'but is it worth it?' .............................................. for god sake! i wont know until i try will i? or when i started my masters few years ago 'do you really need to study more?'..............................

i think at the end of the day they are humans too just like us, prone to make ill comments when something hits them as a person.

You are right, we're all prone to foot in mouth disease occasionally, I know I am!

oh my god! Diva, that's exactly what my mum said to me word for word about my bump at 20 weeks. " I never showed a bit until I was 6 months...you must be having a big baby!" Did they all go to grandmother-to-be training school?? She was pregnant with me 28 years ago. I think a few things have slipped her mind since then. Mothers are generally really lovely and caring and really excited about the pregnancy but they do say some hurtful things without meaning to. Also MIL and FIL seem to think it's ok to grope my bump at any opportunity. Even my parents don't do that. I'm afraid the only people allowed to be that intimate with my bump is my hubby and myself! Too much of a whimp to say anything to them though.

Bet you're so excited about having a girl. We're still debating whether to find out or not...what's your advice? Of course we don't mind at all what it is...as long as the baby is healthy.

xxx

I remember my mum saying to my dh, while I was in the first stage of labour with ds2, 'Why can't she stop making a fuss and just get on with it. I never made this sort of fuss.'

Here's a tip for you DivaST: Don't invite her to the birth and keep her away as long as possible after or at least until your milk has come in.

Totally agree Spidermama. No one is going to be at the birth apart from the necessary medical staff and my hubby. MIL quite seriously suggested that she should come to the birth.....I don't think so! She's the last person I'd want to show all my bits to and see me in my worst state possible.

Sorry, rant over.

China - I HAD to find out. Mom and MIL started buying pink dresses when I was at five weeks. I figured unless I wanted a RRRReally confused kid, I better find out and put a stop to the madness ASAP. Thankfully, it all worked out. To be honest, I couldn't have waited anyway. Labor is going to be enough of a surprise for me.

Spidermama - can you believe I insisted my mom fly in to take care of me for the birth? This was pre mumsnet and I was here in a foreign country, with few friends and none of them moms. Now I have loads of friends, both RL and MN, and I'm wishing I hadn't opened my mouth! I even made her change her vacation for it. And oh my god she's bringing my step dad, whom I adore but COME ON!

Live and learn, girlies, live.and.learn.

Yes Mums can be irratating sometimes, but you wouldn't be without them would you?

My Mum died 10years ago & I particularly missed her when I was pregnant with my DD (15months) & now I'm pregnant again. I wish she was still around to share the joy DD has brought us - even though I KNOW there would have been times when well meaning advice would have annoyed me.

Please make the most of them while they are still around.