How much of what people say is actually true?

[WithCheesePlease]

My best friend is 7 months pregnant, and we were chatting recently about the things that people keep saying to her. We're wondering how much of this is actually true and how much is complete exaggeration? She's the first out of our group to have a child, so none of us have any experience:

1. "Oh you better sleep now because you won't sleep again for 20 years".
2. "You won't even have time to shower once the baby comes"
3. "Your hair/nails look lovely, you can forget about ever getting them done again".

Lots more examples, but what I'm wondering is how much of this is actually true? Logically if you never slept again, you'd be dead, and can your husband not hold the baby for 10 mins to let you take a shower?
I know not everyone has a partner, and lots of people have several kids, but why are they saying this to her when it will only be one child and her DH is there too?
Not to mention the horror stories people love telling about labour/birth (40 hours of labour etc).. She's starting to get freaked out and I want to be able to convince her that it's not that bad (if that's true).

It's a massive lifestyle change and I haven't slept properly since dd was born, either through her waking me up or just being conscious of needing to listen out in case.

Showers were very tricky if no dh home and honestly, the focus shifts significantly onto the baby so nails and hair are very likely to get neglected, if only temporarily.

I often look back and wonder what I did with all my time!

1 and 2 bollocks. And I say this as a single mother of an average sleeper. Can't comment on 3 as never really bothered about them! Yes, there's a lot of bollocks spoken but it's the unmentioned stuff ime that you have to look out for!

Definitely not true, for the first few months it will seem like it is though. My DD is 4 now and I can honestly say the only one that is true for me is hair/nails but then I don't prioritise those as a way to spend my free time (I actually hate going to hairdressers). Obviously I have a relatively good sleeper which may or may not happen for her.

2. "You won't even have time to shower once the baby comes"
Erm, depends on the day and how organised you are. I'm a lazy cow and would always prefer to have 10 more minutes in bed than get up in time to have a shower, and had a fair few pj days/shouty baby showers. However, a few 10 months in I suddenly got more organised and can get a wash almost everyday now. That is till we decide to have another.

It's a bit like that for the first few weeks, yes. With my first she was going to bed by 7pm from about 4 months so I just tried to do everything then including showers.
She didn't sleep all night until she was about one but I then slept well until my second pregnancy.

I was always proud of myself if I got a shower when I was alone with DD. That did stop once DD could entertain herself in a bouncy chair.

I've never really bothered with hair or nails so that's no difference.

Sleep....see my username.
She is nearly 3 and does finally sleep through, took over 2 years but I don't sleep as heavy because I'm listening out for her.

People just feel they have to say something. And end up saying really inappropriate things.

I found I could keep on top of hygiene, but sleep was wrecked u ntil the DC learned to sleep through. And yes, that was far worse for me than any of the nocturnal discomforts of pregnancy.

Hair and nails may well worsen after the birth; this is a known phenomenon associated with hormone levels in the body. They'll probably go back to how they were before pregnancy, which wil, seem worse in comparison to pregnant luxuriance and abundance (particualarly if you're unlucky and hair comes out in handfuls). Finding time for hair appointments etc may well becoma harder, until you find people you are cofident told leave your DC with. This may take a little while, but not right up until they're 20!

I haven't slept properly for 5 years (breastfeeding, Co-sleeping). I never go out. My nails are terrible. However, I do manage to have a bath and do my makeup. DC are 4.5 and 1.

My DS is 14 weeks and bar the first two weeks has slept through the night. I shower before DH goes to work, when he gets home or I stick the baby in the cot and hope he doesn't cry whilst I'm showering. With nails, just get a mobile technician and make sure the baby is full up with milk so is less likely to cry halfway through.

Depends on the baby and parents to be honest.
My lb is just turned two and he rarely wakes at night, like must be 4 months ago since he last did.
As for showering, even when he was tiny I showered every evening when hubby came in from work, after a few months I did it when he went to bed and took the monitor in with me. Hubby still won't do that though. (occasionally I may have forgotten to brush my teeth or hair of we weren't going anywhere! 🙊)
Hair and nails was never my thing anyway!!

You just have to get on with things and yes it's harder the first six months as they take more entertaining but I used to put my lo on the floor on in chair/activity table and chat to him while I did bits and pieces and he was content enough.

Plus nobody's labour is an easy affair, but if it was that bad they wouldn't have another!!! You hey through it and it's worth it all for the little baby at the end!

TBH if I had known how bad it was going to be I wouldn't have had children; I'm certainly not having anymore.

Having said that, my DS is my world and I love him with all my heart.

It will feel true.
The first couple of months are relentlessly, shockingly hard.

The best description I ever had was that it was like starting a new job on the day you have surgery. Labour, even if you have it easy like I did, is hard work. It's very very tiring! Then you have a new baby to look after, which is just madly difficult at first! Learning how to handle them, feed them, bathe them . They scream, shit and puke ...in quick succession. So you can feed them, change them, they can puke which means a new outfit and then need feeding again.

They do sleep but it's at random intervals and so you don't get a p tree predictable, decent stretch of sleep. The more tired you get the harder everything else feels.

I don't know why people say this shit, pregnancy is bad enough (IMO) without people telling you the worst is yet to come! Even if it is true, why tell a pregnant woman, seriously?!

In my experience so far (not loads because DS is only 10 weeks old!)

1. Yes the sleep deprivation is awful. I don't know how I've survived it so far but somehow I have.

1. Bollocks. Even if DH isn't around to look after the baby for 15 minutes, so I can shower and get dressed, there is usually 15 minutes when the baby is napping or calm enough to put down in his bouncer chair in the bathroom while I do it.

1. I disagree with this. It's true that looks become less of a priority, but I also think it's important to do what you have to in order to look after yourself and feel normal. I was desperate for a haircut and had one just a few weeks after DS was born. DH looked after him while I went and it was lovely to have a little break to focus on me. As for nails, I don't care about them, but each to their own. If you really wanted to you could make time. I guess it depends on whether your DH/DP does his share and is able/willing to look after the baby while you have a break occasionally. I think all fathers should do it but I guess it's probably not always the case, sadly.

Why do people enjoy pissing on people's chips?

Me: oh I'm really enjoying this stage [about toddler DS]
Miserable fucker: oh you wait until he's a teenager, then the fun starts.

Honestly it really depends on the baby. Some babies sleep through from very early on, some wake hourly for the first 8 months (mine did this) and some are still in the parents beds at age 6 (friends of mine). Depends on the child and also how you deal with them.

Shower wise- yes of course you can give them baby to dh to hold- if hes there. My dh left for work at 7pm every day and since I couldn't get out of bed without waking the baby who slept with me, that meant I couldn't do that in the morning. If the baby is happy to be put down in the bathroom while you grab a quick shower- no problem. If you get a clingy baby then you'd have to put up with screaming if you did this. In that case showers might have to be missed or put off until the evening.

Hair and nails etc...if you have someone to look after the baby, and are not breastfeeding (or if you are, assuming you can a)express easily and b)baby is happy to take a bottle- both uncertain then yes you could go out.

All gets much easier once baby gets older

Left at 7am not 7pm!

I can relate to all 3 in part. I never knew I could exist on so little sleep. Honestly, I can have the most horrendous night with my daughter, but still get up & function in the morning. You just find the strength & keep going.

The have a shower thing - my husband is in the forces & I have no family close by to help. My daughter would wail every time k attempted to have one, I brought the bouncer into the bathroom & sang to her whilst lathering furiously! It got better in time especially once she took an interest in cbeebies.

The getting nails/brows/hair thing - it's hard when you are on your own with a baby. It's not appropriate for them to be at some salons nor relaxing or fun for anyone who has paid to be there. I gave up everything other than my hair - have a mobile lady visit me every 6 weeks which is a godsend.

What I would say is everyone's situations & lives/babies are different. Some have lots of help & free time, some dont. Some have babies who do nothing but sleep & are chilled, some have high needs babies. Criers/colic. And then they are on the move! And it all changes again. Some things are a breeze for some but feel like the worlds falling in for others. I don't judge any mum for feeling the way they do or giving the advice they do. I used to, in the beginning, and I've eaten my words. Every single time.

We are all just doing what we have to to get by.

It depends in the baby and the parents imo. We were very laid back when dc1 was a newborn - I'd had troublesome pregnancy and spent a lot of time in hospital, so to have dc1, finally, safely here, meant I felt I could relax for the first time in months. The baby was a sleeper, but I did find the first few weeks difficult, with the night feeds. Thankfully, DC very soon slept through so we could both get a decent sleep. Yes, at first there were days when I found it hard to fit in a shower until dh arrived home from work, but again, once I got into a routine it was fine. I've never bothered about nails and I had a hairdresser who used to come home, so that wasn't ever an issue. Some babies take longer to settle into a routine than others and some babies do take much longer to get the hang of sleeping in sync with the parents. But, like so many things, there seems to be an ongoing competition to have the 'worst'-labour, sleeper, feeder etc. And then there's the competition for the 'best'- talker, reader, most gifted, gcse results, a level results, university etc. And people do exaggerated whichever one they are talking about at the time.

I manage to get my nails done every two weeks! Baby is a good sleeper so that isn't too bad. Showers are a nightmare at the moment . I do manage to shower every day but they are very brief.

Depends how much you want these things though. Obv you can't help whether your baby is a sleeper or not (depending on your routine) but I know a new mum of her second baby who gets semi permanent lashes and nails done etc. Depends on your priorities and how much time you can make. Personally for me, priority has always been spending time with the family. Now mine are older I am looking after myself more.

1. "Oh you better sleep now because you won't sleep again for 20 years".

All babies are different. However, this doesn't have to be the case. My baby has slept from 7pm until 8am or if he wakes in the night for a feed until 10am since he was a couple of months old. I'm getting loads of sleep!

1. "You won't even have time to shower once the baby comes"

I have a shower every morning during nap time or before he wakes up, and a lovely long bath 4 or 5 evenings a week once my baby is in bed.

1. "Your hair/nails look lovely, you can forget about ever getting them done again".

I go to the hairdressers once a month and still have time for pampering.

You're just showing off Bella
Not jealous at all, oh no

With sleep I found it wasn't just the waking up to feed etc but that I became hyper-alert so would wake up every time he moved etc. It has got better but I still sleep a lot lighter than I did. My mum said that didn't stop for her til I'd left home!

My dd is 8 months and of those 8 months ive slept 3-4 hours before getting woken up, sometimes only 1-2 hours. I know it'll change and she'll learn to sleep longer, hopefully soon.

I shower in the evenings when she's sleeping or during nap time.

And I dont do my nails anymore as I dont have as much time as I did previously but I still do faketan every week and makeup everyday

I look like shit but I'm clean and get a reasonable amount of sleep (warn her that the first few weeks can be horrific but it often gets better reasonably quickly, also weirdly you seem to survive just fine on a few hours sleep, when DS was 6 weeks he slept for 3 hours straight through one night, I felt the most rested I had in years )

Loads of mums at my baby groups look stunning so clearly grooming is still possible (I just can't be arsed)