Pregnancy and photos of baby on Facebook; thoughts?!

[MotherofKitties]

Hi all,

Having a bit of a dilemma. 28 weeks with my first and we've managed (so far) to keep any news of the pregnancy off Facebook; a conscious choice by me so far because I feel a bit superstitious about putting anything online until she arrives.

Anyway, that's fine, but my husband has said he wouldn't want anything referring to or showing photos of our baby online once she arrives full stop; so no photos, comments etc online.

I'm not sure how I feel about this and feel quite conflicted about it. I understand the reasons why to keep all traces of your baby offline: there are weirdos out there and with the best will in the world if someone likes or shares your posts you no longer have control over it, wait until your child is old enough to decide if they want an online identity or not etc.

But on the other hand, having a baby is the biggest thing that's going to happen to you and why wouldn't you want to share photos and posts of your new bundle of joy? I have a lot of family abroad and whilst I could set up a private group to share photos etc, it would mean that if anyone else put up photos of our baby on their profile - most likely to be my mum - I/we would have to ask them to take them down and I can imagine that would not go down well at all!

Has anyone else had any thoughts about this? Does you other half have a different view to you? Do you know what you're going to do re photos online? Or is anyone else feeling as conflicted about it as I am?!

Thank you! X

I don't really get this either. If you've set your privacy setting so that only friends can view your posts including photos, then you know exactly who can see it so it's not like publishing it on a public forum or in a magazine / newspaper. I wouldn't put anything that could potentially embarrass the child later, but I can't see the harm in a baby photo shared among your friends.

I have very strict privacy settings and am very selective as to who I'm friends with on Facebook. I share lots of photos of DS (and the rest of us) on there as my family and friends are spread around the world and it makes it easier to keep in touch!

What we are setting out to do is only posting a pic when we're all in it. For x-mas maybe if we feel like it (we make picture stories for important occasions like elections/football championships etc.).

Otherwise, I'd prefer to keep my child offline, for two reasons:
a) because there are people who cannot have babies or are having difficulties making them. I prefer not to make them sad with my joy.
b) because you never know what your child will become. If they become a public figure, think of the embarrassment.

Privacy settings are all well and good, but people have had photos circulate of them with privacy settings on. I don't mind if it's me, because I can choose to put something online (and bear the consequences), but children can't.

I think that is impossible for your husband to control posts or comments friends make, even if you haven't started them. Eventually someone will congratulate you or ask how the baby is. Will you start deleting or reporting these posts?

Regarding photos, could you post pictures that don't show the baby's face? e.g. just the feet or your hand with his/hers. Would that be a compromise if you want to share something with friends/family?

I don't think I will post pictures of my baby when it arrives but I would have more issues with grand parents/friends posting pictures of my baby, this is when you lose control of what happens to the pictures because you don't know what privacy settings they have and who their friends are. Saying that, I really enjoy seeing friends' baby photos!

My current plan is to avoid posting pictures on facebook, only some posts. I will send pictures through whatsapp to close friends and relatives.

I'm with your DH I'm afraid. We will probably post one picture when our son is here of all of the 3 of us, but that is it. I absolutely do not judge others who do, and often post pics of my nephews as their parents are happy with pictures online.

My issue is consent. I and my DH have given our consent to being on social media but our DS hasnt. These pictures last for, forever, and he may well be shy, he may dislike social media etc.

Also, I am probably being overly cautious but I worry about people stealing the images and using them in an abusive way...

I think ultimately, if one parent feels quite strongly about not posting, its quite hard to go against that.

I think it's very hard to police other people putting up photos of your baby, especially close family who will be doing it out of excitement. I can tell when my friend has been around to see our friend's baby as her Instagram is full of pictures of him. Personally I ask before sharing.

I have a few friends who post multiple photos a day of their children which is too much, but I like seeing the odd photo of my friends' children, especially those who live far away.

Could you have a family WhatsApp group for photos? We do this for my nephew.

i would tend to agree with your DH, simply because your DC is a different person, whom noone asked (or can ask for a while) whether (s)he is ok with his/her pictures being posted online.
with close family and friends, maybe you could do as previous posters suggested, make a WhatsApp group or smth, so that they're being kept in the loop.

It's difficult to keep it off entirely as you can't control other people. Once friends found out I'm pregnant, they've been tagging me left, right and centre in baby memes or cute clothes they think I might like etc. So anyone I hadn't told personally soon found out.

A few weeks after my niece was born, I asked if it was ok to put something on FB as I was so excited and proud of her and her parents hadn't put anything up. I was told it was fine. Put an announcement with me holding her, then got a phone call asking to take it down as they hadn't realised it was going to be a photo. Obviously crossed wires on both sides, and I thought they were ok with it, but it was a bit awkward. So yeah, controlling relatives can be hard.

Interestingly, you/your DH might change your mind later. No pics of my niece were posted for the first 6 months (when she looked like an unrecognisable pink blob) yet parents changed mind and now FB has lots of pics of her (not she's recognisable!). Weird lol

*now

I also think it depends on what type of photos you share. I have one friend who constantly shares naked photos of her little boy. That definitely crosses a line for me. Not only is it risky to share something so personal which could reach the wrong people, but could definitely be embarrassing for the child when he's older.

We're not a public stage yet, but I've been wondering about this. Boyfriend is definitely anti kids facebooking. I know I wouldn't be able to resist a few once baby arrives. But finding the balance? I appreciate the argument re consent, but then again we are the most surveyed nation on earth so why get queasy about Facebook images? Our children will grow up in a world so different from where I started.

It's also probably because there's been one or two times boyfriend and I have really laughed about the song 'damn that's an ugly baby'. In relation to some offspring photos. And I just know karma is a bitch, there will be someone laughing at my precious child too :)

Like Holly I think it is about consent.

We posted no pregnancy scans or information last time or this - people figure it out when they see me.

With DS my DH has put 5 or 6 photos up in the last 21 months - all but one are family shots and all have privacy set to family and some friends. I sometimes share them on my page but mostly don't.

In terms of comments we both mention DS occasionally but avoid anything that could be embarrassing for him when he gets older, e.g., nothing about nappies, eating or embarrassing moments.

I'm a private person and sceptical of Facebook so I go with the theory that if I wouldn't want it posted about me, I won't post it about DS.

Thanks for all of your thoughts, it's a difficult one for sure!

I think my main issue will be that if we decide not to post any photos of our baby, telling and policing family and friends to do the same will be very hard, not because I'm worried about asking people not to out photos up of my child, but knowing how difficult it will be to control. We have a friend who polices any photos of her children very strictly and she seems to be forever asking people to remove photos that show her children (normally in group shots) and I don't know how feasible it is to do this.

I do agree with my other halfs opinion, but I know telling my family that they cannot post or share any photos of our child online will not go down well, and could potentially lead to some huge arguments should they do so anyway.

That being said, we might changes our minds when she arrives - you never know how you're going to feel until they arrive I suppose! X

Regarding posting photos of your baby without the head such as a foot or a tiny hand holding yours, I would just say that the only photo of this kind that I have ever seen on FB was of a stillborn baby. It was a tiny hand. Might be worth bearing in mind in case people get the wrong impression.

What I'm trying to say is that if you're going to only post pictures of a body part and not the face, best to say in advance, in case people think there's something wrong with the baby when they only see a hand or foot.

I'm the same as @Hollyhop17 , for me consent is a big part of not wanting to post pics on Facebook (I'm currently 18 weeks with number one). My mother-in-law and sister-in-law post pics of my nieces on a daily basis and whilst I completely respect their choice to do that with SiL's children I've been quite clear about not wanting our child to be on Facebook. In fact we had kept the pregnancy completely off Facebook but my SiL mentioned it in a post on my wall so then people started texting me asking if it was true(!)

I guess another factor for me personally is that I have a lot of friends on Facebook who I've known for donkeys years but I'm not close to in the same way anymore. I like close family and friends knowing about the pregnancy but don't feel like I want to share something this special with everyone I've met since 2006! 😂

it's entirely up to you. I have very strict facebook settings, and most things are strictly for close friends and family. If you were another school mum for example, you wouldn't see anything on my profile if we become "FB friends".

I have no problem personally putting baby photos on there, I tend to put less and less when they grow up. I don't know anyone who is embarrassed about baby photos, but people become more self conscious when they approach teenage-hood, and I respect that so I would not put any photo of my eldest without their consent.

It means none of mine will be able to lie about their age, if someone ever traces their baby pictures, but that's too bad. Local schools all put photos in the local paper, so if anyone was really digging, they would find the year of birth!
We (my friends and I) all had our pictures in the local papers at some point: starting school, school nativity, sport day in secondary and other fascinating stuff...so we've never been completely anonymous either.

You can send a baby photo to all your relatives and close friends, asking them to respect online privacy. You can avoid a whole spread on the internet, but it's very difficult to police the odd picture.

I don't often having photos of DC up but I'm not totally anti- it probably happens a few times a year. What I don't get though, increasingly, is the idea that people could search for adults online and find their scan/ potty/ baby picture. Mainly because:

• the photos aren't tagged with Babies name so there is nothing to connect James smith adult with Mrs smiths 20 year old scan photo

• privacy settings mean people can't view photos openly (I know at the beginning FB privacy was shakey but it's pretty established now)

• things don't really remain on the internet forever. Content doesn't stay forever. I have participated in multiple very famous forums (like 2001s versions of mumsnet!) the content of which is now wiped or extremely hard to find unless you know exactly what you're looking for. A family members was featured in several national newpapefs a few years ago and these papers have now also disposed of that content when you search for it.

I don't post pics of my kids online.

If I want someone to see pics of them, I email them.

I just don't see the necessity.

I would side with your DH.

I've posted 2 pictures of my son online, that is all that will go online of him.

I'm with your DH

I didn't out anything on from pregnancy, scans etc and our intention was not to put pics online of DC at all. There are some, very few but we have added some over time. You can always change your mind later on if you decide not to have any pics online straight away.

Thanks everyone for your comments, I really appreciate it. Apart from one couple I know everyone I know is very online-heavy who probably won't understand where by partner is coming from, so getting different perspectives on it definitely helps!

I think to be honest it's likely just to be a few close family members who will take offence at being asked not to post photos of our baby online, and dealing with group shots when meeting up with other mums and their kids...

I think realistically I'm just going to have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Im at a friends wedding soon where I'll be 8 months and unable to hide the bump so I think I'm going to have to put up a photo of me and bump soon anyway to prevent someone else beating me to it, so when baby arrives, we might just announce her arrival on Facebook and ask everyone to not put photos online/respect privacy in the same breath...

Previous generations had none of this to contend with, they don't know how lucky they are!!!

it goes both ways, I find it so much easier to keep in touch with friends and families abroad, sometimes without too much effort, just putting a few pics. Internet is fantastic for that.

I am much much more worried about social media when they are in secondary, and grateful there was none of that when I was at Uni...