Pregnancy and photos of baby on Facebook; thoughts?!

[MotherofKitties]

Hi all,

Having a bit of a dilemma. 28 weeks with my first and we've managed (so far) to keep any news of the pregnancy off Facebook; a conscious choice by me so far because I feel a bit superstitious about putting anything online until she arrives.

Anyway, that's fine, but my husband has said he wouldn't want anything referring to or showing photos of our baby online once she arrives full stop; so no photos, comments etc online.

I'm not sure how I feel about this and feel quite conflicted about it. I understand the reasons why to keep all traces of your baby offline: there are weirdos out there and with the best will in the world if someone likes or shares your posts you no longer have control over it, wait until your child is old enough to decide if they want an online identity or not etc.

But on the other hand, having a baby is the biggest thing that's going to happen to you and why wouldn't you want to share photos and posts of your new bundle of joy? I have a lot of family abroad and whilst I could set up a private group to share photos etc, it would mean that if anyone else put up photos of our baby on their profile - most likely to be my mum - I/we would have to ask them to take them down and I can imagine that would not go down well at all!

Has anyone else had any thoughts about this? Does you other half have a different view to you? Do you know what you're going to do re photos online? Or is anyone else feeling as conflicted about it as I am?!

Thank you! X

I think thats a good way of dealing with it OP. Hardly any of my family are on fb so I dont have the issue of asking people not to share, or worrying about their reaction. I think it is such a personal thing though, I wouldnt dream of posting a picture of someones kids without asking first.

I have a friend whose husband didn't really allow want her to share photos of their DD. I found it really strange tbh. The entire pregnancy was kept a secret. When the baby was born the name was a secret. There have been no photos whatsoever. He occasionally shares a photo of her socks or a toy but never DD. It makes me nervous when I see them as her husband is always warning about what you can and can't do - I don't even like to ask how DD is if I'm talking to her online. Also when she was born quite a few people thought something must've gone wrong for them to be so secretive - just another thing to think about. I'm pregnant now myself and will be sharing a few select posts. I don't want to be a 'baby bore' but I live abroad and I know family will want to see photos. It's nice to share the joy a little.

I didn't put anything about my pregnancy on Facebook. I went for afternoon tea with friends when I was 8 months & my friend put a group photo up with me tagged in it, got lots of congratulations messages as soon as it had gone up from people I don't really see anymore.

We set up a private group for DS photos once he was born to share with family as PiL live overseas. We have put a few photos on normal posts since then but normally family shots & nothing that would embarrass DS. I save all those ones for WhatsApp!

I have a friend who will mention her DD in posts but will never show her face in photos. Lots of people have asked if there is something wrong with her as a result which I think is harsh, she's just respecting her DDs privacy. One photo when your DD is born could prevent that I guess.

It will be hard to stop proud GPs & aunts & uncles posting photos but I guess all the celebrities manage it. The hardest bit will be finding a tactful way of doing it & I would try & do it sooner rather than later so they're aware of it before they're caught up in the excitement of it all.

I think that posting stuff about your children online puts them at great risk of identity theft. The classic post is the happy smiley photo "Kevin John Smith was born at 2am in St Mary's hospital weighing 8lbs". Tag mum and dad.
Right so you have date of birth, mothers maiden name and where they were born. Those are all classic security bank questions. Might not be a problem now but they might find someone's take a credit card out in their name in 18 years. Once it's on the internet, it can never fully be retrieved. Really stupid in my opinion and doesn't achieve anything. Everyone who is important to you will see baby in person. Or you could send a card. Much nicer.

Thingmyaboob, but those sorts of details have traditionally been published in newspapers as far back as I can remember. Baby's full name, sex, date of birth, parents' names, place of birth and birthweight. Often names of siblings too. If you wanted to steal someone's identity like that, you could just as easily cut out and save the births pages of The Times ( and they'd probably be wealthier too).

Well then they're idiots too!

I just really don't want anyone and everyone commenting and liking stuff. I plan on keeping my pregnancy and baby's details totally private. It's no-one else's business and I don't care what most people think. My friends and family will come to my baby shower / wetting the baby's head etc and I will send them a nice card which is personal and not for the whole world to gawk at.

This is a really interesting thread. I've been thinking about how to manage this too, it's really helpful and interesting to read all these perspectives.

So far I haven't put anything about my pregnancy online. I've been tagged in baby related things twice but had no qualms about asking those people to remove which they willingly did. We've sent a lovely announcement video which my husband made in private messages to family and close friends, and may put it on our status' at some point.

I've thought quite a lot about what to put online once she is here. I'm even hesitant about putting her full name on social media. For me it's about her consent, the amount of information that can build up about a person online over the years, and the potential for information/photos to be used for harmful purposes. Because I'm a social worker and have worked in child protection I think I'm extra aware of the risks.

Reading all the posts above has definitely given me food for thought. I hadn't really considered that she will probably be in group pictures which would automatically go online. My in laws always take lots of pictures e.g. at Christmas, some posed family pics and some informal ones. I think they would respect our decision if we asked them not to put our daughter online, but would this mean she got left out of photos and would this do more harm? Initially she won't have a clue but as she gets a bit older she would likely pick up on it.

Another aspect of it is that we have always talked about adoption. If we do adopt one day then identifiable photos of those children wouldn't go online. I am wondering if its a good idea to set this precedent now so it's fairer later.

Whatever people decide I think it's great to think through what should go online about our children and why. I have seen friends put quite inappropriate pictures and information on Facebook, and it worries me. I understand it's just because they love their children and are proud of them, but I wonder whether they've considered the posssible negative implications of what they're doing.

He's entitled to his view but you are also entitled to yours. Personally I find his idea a bit joyless and unnecessary and I wouldn't be following it.

I don't see why sharing a birth announcement with friends family on FB is a problem.

I only share family photos to a select group on FB, work colleges and acquaintances don't see any of that.

I think your DB is being a bit over the top and controlling perhaps when baby arrives he'll calm down a little.

I have 2 children. One is 2 the other is 9 months. There is absolutely no mention whatsoever of them on Facebook. No photos, no announcements, no mention of pregnancy, no names, nothing.

Admittedly I don't post much on Facebook, although I occasionally share child related articles so people know I have children, just no further info is available.

Everyone knows that I don't do it so no one else does. I've also set my settings that nothing goes on my timeline without my approval, so I see everything anyway.

I honestly think some people are far too blasé about the things and pictures they post. Once it's out there there's no taking it back, and I'm extremely conscious of how that information will be used.

Just by way of an example, some of relatives are in the army, it is interesting listening to them talk about their training, and how information (largely gathered from Facebook) is used to interrogate people. I certainly would not want that, but I appreciate that's an extreme example!!

I think from by husbands perspective he doesn't want people sharing photos of our baby and having random people we don't know making comments about her or seeing/sharing her photos. Whilst I can't disagree with where he's coming from, I can see group shots - be it family, nursery, friends etc will be a problem.

Like one poster mentioned, at birthdays, Christmas and family occasions lots of family/friends will take lots of photos - no issues there - but will then put them online as nice group shots (and part of me things why shouldn't they?). If my husband doesn't want photos of her online is it appropriate to ask friends/family to take them offline? It's not like our baby will the focus of group shots, but how far do you police it? And would it mean our daughter starts getting excluded from photos because everyone is aware photos of her aren't allowed online?

I think we're very fortunate to be in a time where we can take countless photos in a way previous generations never did, and nothing will give me greater happiness than recording these precious memories of our baby which we can look back on, but I feel the decision on what you choose to do with photos of your baby and how you share/choose not to share these photos is becoming a bit of a social and ethical minefield...!

Xx

I put nothing on Facebook when I found out I was pregnant. One of my DSis asked if she could write something so I told everyone there and then that nothing is to go online. No one tagged me in anything and if they wanted to share it, sent it by private message. Everyone in mine and DH family know that when it comes to our DS that nothing is to go online. We won't even have our whatsapp picture of him as I've seen how easy it is to 'steal' the photo. Everyone's different and I totally respect how people want to do things. This is just our choice

You that's exactly like me. I know it seems extreme, but there are far too many weirdos out there for my liking!

Well you don't have to contend with it. Facebook is entirely optional!

My dc are 3.5 years and 21 months and I have never put any pictures of them on fb. My family and friends know I don't want them on there so they don't put any on either. They aren't secret children!

A pp mentioned people struggling seeing baby picture if they're having fertility problems. A family member of mine tried for 7 years to have a baby, round after round of ivf, it was incredibly hard for her and her dh. It was undoubtedly made harder seeing everyone else's baby announcements and she often said how upset they made her. They finally had a gorgeous baby and posted picture all over facebook.

I wouldn't worry too much about the baby group picture thing op. I've made a group of friends with kids thesame age and we sometimes take group pictures, I'm not the only one who doesn't want them on fb so we e mail each other with ones of all the kids and the ones who don't mind put them on fb.

Oh and yes, you can ask someone to take a picture off fb. I would if a friend put one of my dc on there.

We don't post much on our Facebook pages, the odd photo if we are on a day out and an update every few months. Our profiles are completely private and we removed loads of people we aren't really friends with.

We have asked family not to share any pictures, because their profiles aren't private. I'm not sure they all get our reasons, but mostly refrain. SIL and my Gran both posted pics, were asked to remove them and did so. They weren't happy but understood.

We use Lifecake to share pictures with family members - they can also add pictures so it seems to have kept everyone happy.

Sounds a bit paranoid. Won't random people see the baby when you go out? It's a baby and they all look more or less the same to everyone but their parents.
Reasonable privacy settings is all that's required.

Crumbs yes it may seem paranoid, but people on the street are unlike to take a perfect picture of your child, upload it on their computer, potentially manipulate it and circulate it amongst a community of paedophiles.

Random children in the street don't think to take a photo of your child (for e.g. In the bath, very cute, 6 months old etc etc) to store for later use for bullying purposes.

Random people in the street won't look at pictures when they're being interviewed for jobs.

In my mind the list is endless. Plus, there has been no consent by the child to have those pictures online.

But in fairness I have never really engaged with social media in that way in any event!

I personally think its quite unfair that your OH has decided nothing is going online. It's not just his decision.

I kind of get that you wouldn't want people nosing, but a good idea is for both of you to delete anyone on FB etc that you really do not count as close friend or member of your family. Once you've done that you are left with people that you would be happy to see pictures of your baby surely?

A lot of our friends and family are quite far away so am really looking forward to putting up a couple of pictures for them all to see! Some don't use email either so is win win.

Set up a private group that only your family members can join and then share photos that way?

I have someone on my FB who does a very odd no share/share thing where she will post a picture of say some bubbles and a rubber duck, then say 'baby enjoying her lovely bath', or a sandwich and a blanket and say 'baby enjoying a lovely picnic' which seems stupid because surely no one actually cares (except perhaps immediate family) but without even a picture of the baby doing these things it just seems bizarre. Just leave it off if you don't want to share pictures.

I post various things on mine, but then I have secure privacy settings and I'm not 'friends' with loads of random acquaintances just actual real people i actually know.