Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Baby shower - husband

39 replies

Felicity91 · 01/05/2017 23:47

Hello MN.

So this is my first issue and one of the reasons I joined MN was to ask for your opinions on this.

Firstly I get that it varies for everyone, no right or wrong here, just looking for a range of opinions :)

The issue of ‘my’ baby shower is fast approaching. My two closest friends were a little too quick in suggesting all the classic girly stuff and assuming the lead in organising it. The thing is, I really, really want to share this baby shower with DH.

For me, it should be a celebration of him too. Plus he’s the confident one among us, I don't like being centre of attention. It’s hard to put into words but when we talk about our child and baby stuff my husband just lights up in joy and it I find it so attractive/reassuring that he’s so excited and studious into being a father. I mentioned it to him and he said he was happy to go with my choice but I can read him and know he’d love to be involved in the shower. The prospect of a baby shower without him seems hollow to me. I really want to put a value on his role as a father. Is it meant to be about us or the guests?!

But my gf’s were horrified at the idea of him or our other male friends being in attendance. Even though they like him and played a role in initially introducing us. For them this is a big girly party, I'm a little worried they see this as a second hen night.

I’m probably going to have to make a decision on this tomorrow. But before I do, any thoughts? I’m sure this has all happened many time before! Thanks x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pennysays · 02/05/2017 00:10

I hope you chose to have your partner there! A shower must be whatever you want it to be, there are no rules and a good friend would give you the shower you wanted not what they think should happen!

It's such nonsense that men should be excluded, it's nice to celebrate all the baby carrying you're doing but that doesn't mean dp can't be there too.

SucklingDuckling · 02/05/2017 00:46

I'm having my partner at mine! Baby due in August so I'm thinking July we have summery garden party/baby shower and keep it very casual. He's a huge part of all this and deserves to be invited

TeacherAndFeminist · 02/05/2017 02:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

highinthesky · 02/05/2017 02:25

The prospect of a baby shower without him seems hollow to me.

I don't see the attraction of a baby shower full stop, but life is never going to be the same afterwards - NOTHING will compare to the joy of DC - so enjoy it!

ScarlettFreestone · 02/05/2017 02:32

"OP, your adoration of your husband is frankly nauseating to everyone here. "

Bollocks.
Rude, nasty bollocks. You should be ashamed of yourself Teacher.

Felicity it's your shower so it should be what you want. If you want your DH included then your friends should gracefully acquiesce.

user1491572121 · 02/05/2017 02:34

Here's the issue. Your friends want to organise a party for you. You want your DH there.

They don't.

THEY need to change their ideas because the party is meant to be for YOU not them.

Tell them you want it to include DH.

MiniAlphaBravo · 02/05/2017 02:34

It's not meant to be about us but you. It sound like you don't really want one though, which is fair enough. I never had one. I do think it's a bit weird to be so desperate to have your husband there, as if you don't want to see your friends without him there. Maybe just have a very informal get together where all partners are invited.

Newmanwannabe · 02/05/2017 02:36

I think it would be a good opportunity for you to get used to your "mum" role.

I see your point in wanting to share the moment with him, but there are going to be many things you need will to do once the baby is born without him, such as mothers groups/ baby activities.(well you don't have to do any of them, it's not compulsory, but not going out the house or communicating with other adults is not good for your wellbeing), so it would be good practice having this with your female friends, before you do it with strangers.

Your comment "he is the confident one" makes me wonder if you are a bit dependent on him in social situations. If that is the case then definitely start getting used to being more confident and making friends in your own.

You could always have a second baby celebration with him included?

Newmanwannabe · 02/05/2017 02:38

Ps. I didn't have a baby shower, (or an engagement party) they are not my thing But it's a good excuse to get together with friends.

MrsPeelyWaly · 02/05/2017 02:48

Maybe just have a very informal get together where all partners are invited

Why subject other people's partners to that?

OP, its a baby shower and not worth another thought. Just tell your friends you don't want one at all and let that be an end to it.

TeacherAndFeminist · 02/05/2017 02:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

highinthesky · 02/05/2017 03:20

Teacher give the OP a break! People have a right to make choices for themselves without being beaten up by the sistahood.

Catinthecorner · 02/05/2017 03:25

Erm. I'm a housewife. Married. Don't work. No children. What else would you call me?

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 02/05/2017 03:30

Sometimes I think.I. must live in a different world to.the rest of MN.

I didn't have a baby shower, I have never attended a baby shower, and I've never met anyone who has had a baby shower.

If your friends are organising/paying for a baby shower (not even sure what this entails) then presumably they can choose who to invite. If you are organising/paying for it then presumably you can choose.

What actually happens at a baby shower? I mean, given that this is before the baby arrives (isn't it? ) what is the purpose?

TeacherAndFeminist · 02/05/2017 03:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ScarlettFreestone · 02/05/2017 03:39

"She sounds far too dependent on him"

Ah, and that makes it ok for you to follow a brand new poster round the boards being mean does it?

Because knocking her self confidence with your egregious superiority is absolutely the way to bring a nervous and hormonal first time Mum into her own isn't it?

It's not like if we're horrible to her she'll cry and leave MN is it Teacher?

Feminism is not about grinding other women into the dirt when they are vulnerable.

You should be ashamed of yourself Teacher.

csa26 · 02/05/2017 03:51

ExPaxmanFan baby showers are common in the US. Felicity/her friends might be American - and like a lot of Anericanisms, baby showers are starting to gain traction here (no doubt encouraged by marketing departments of all the baby/maternity companies, who I'm sure know a gravy train when they see one )

In the UK, the tradition used to be not buying anything before safe delivery of baby, which is a very good excuse for not having a baby shower if you don't want one - but Felicity the party is supposed to be for your benefit, not your friends', so if you want your hubby there then have him!

I hope Teacher is a troll, firstly because stalking someone round the boards just to be snide is frankly weird (who has time for that??) and secondly because otherwise there might actually be a real-life teacher out there who thinks it's ok to bully pupils the same way Teacher is bullying Felicity, which is a pretty scary thought

Newmanwannabe · 02/05/2017 04:17

If done right baby showers can be really good for the mum to be. It's about her community gathering around her, identifying themselves as people who care enough that they would organise it for her or attend. It can be an opportunity to create a plan for after the baby is born eg if anyone wants to bring meals around or help out In other ways. Instead of presents the organisers could always arrange a pledge chart of a family meal or similar. For someone with little confidence or anxiety it might actually be reassuring to them to realise that they have these supportive people there for them.

I think it is nice to include men, as maybe we don't include them enough at this stage and then complain about them a year later when they do nothing, you just have to read the boards here, I still feel the same about my previous comment though, even though it's a bit condradictory.

Teacher For someone whose user name says they are a teacher/feminist you do not come across like one. You are coming across as really nasty and angry

TitsalinaBumSquash · 02/05/2017 05:01

Wow, any particular reason you're being such a nasty, angry bitch Teacher?

Felicity, if you want your H there then tell your friends that's what you want. It's not weird to want to spend celebrations with your husband ffs, especially ones that are about your baby which I'll assume you both created.

CocoLoco87 · 02/05/2017 06:06

I had a baby shower before DC1 was born. It was a girls only affair and really lovely. DH came to pick me up a bit early so he could socialise for a bit, as my girlfriends all know him. Could yours do that? Then you get to have a lovely time with the girls discussing stretch marks, saggy boobs and birthing horror stories, but also DH gets to be there for a bit and enjoy the get-together too?

Congratulations and welcome to MN

Only1scoop · 02/05/2017 06:20

How contrived it all sounds.
Awful things.

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/05/2017 06:35

This is your closest friends, and you feel like you need your 'more confident' DH there with you, too...?

LedaP · 02/05/2017 06:43

Teacher you are being nasty for no reason. The Op can call herself whatever she wants.

But then you wouldnt trust me because sometimes i would choose to spend time with dh, not my female friends. Depends in whats going on. As an adult and a woman I have the right to choose what events I attend. Suggesting women should always put their friends first, is the exact opposite of feminisim. Its attempting to remove women's choices.

Op its your party. If you want a joint one and have your DH there and male friends, thats up to you.

Believeitornot · 02/05/2017 07:34

I'm with Teacher a little on this one. Only because the post rings a few in my head.

Just turn down the shower altogether if you don't want one.

meditrina · 02/05/2017 07:40

If you want to host a party, with your DH there, then do so.

If you do not want your friends to organise a traditional shower for you, tell them now before they put too much effort in to it.

Don't call a party with your DH there a shower - it'll cause confusion at best (and snide comments at worst, up you can ignore them as they won't be to your face). But the reason I make this point t is that a shower is a very specific type of gathering, not a catch-all term for any celebratory party during a pregnancy.

I suggest you have the party you want, but host it yourself and don't call it a shower.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread