Should I give my baby his fathers surname?

[Sophiemck95]

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my baby's dad left me at 6 months pregnant because he didn't want to be with me anymore, he never wanted our baby either but I refused to get an abortion, which resulted in him leaving me at 6 months pregnant with his baby.

My family are telling me I should give the baby my surname, and keep him off of the birth certificate also, but I would rather he have his fathers surname and have him on his birth certificate as my ex is still his dad and he's still going to be in his life.

Your family is right, he's not being part of your pregnancy is he?

I'd give him your name. You are his mum and you are certainly going to be in his life - probably the primary caregiver. Based on what you wrote, the jury's still out on what role his father will play.

I think you may be wanting to give him your ex's name subconsciously so it will bind him closer to your baby. I don't think it will work like that. sorry.

Give the baby your surname even if you put the baby's father on the birth certificate.

So sorry to ear about this, it must have bee heartbreaking and you sound like you have been very brave. I think baby should have your surname as his biological dad is not part of his life why should you have a different surname to your son/daughter? BUT birth certificate is something the baby will see one day and you do know who the biological father is so i think putting father unknown is not very fair and could come back to haunt you.

I think that babies should have the mothers surname. And if the mother's surname is the same as the fathers then the baby would have the fathers surname but otherwise not.

In your case I can't see why your baby would have the fathers surname.

Even if you were still with the father I'd give the baby your name.

No name and no birth certificate

Hell no! Your surname!

I'm 25wks pregnant and with DP but still questioning baby having DPs surname as we're not married. It's your choice but I think it'd be quite strange given you're not together. Confusing for little one too xx

You can't put him on the birth certificate without his permission anyway. He would have to fill in a form.

I have my mums last name. My dad left her before I was born. He isn't on my birth certificate because he didn't bother to turn up. I see him sometimes but he's a waster.

I think my mum had the better last name anyway haha.

Definitely give your baby your surname!!!
As much as you want him in your child's life you can't be sure he will be :( even is he does I think you'd massively regret not using your name (like I do now!)

Birth certificate I can understand why you want the baby's father on there and would put his name on unless there's any history of abuse/violence.

Will he come with you to the register office when the baby is born? If not, you won't have the option of putting him on the birth certificate anyway.

I'd think very hard about whether you want him to have parental responsibility www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility and, personally, no way would I use his surname.

Definitely your surname. Then up to you if you want to ask him to be on the birth certificate- he doesn't have to be.

I'm married to the father of my DC and they STILL have my name. Why wouldn't you want to give your baby your surname?

Well, obviously it's up to you. My own experience - and it is only my own experience - was that I was raised not knowing my father, barely able to pick him out of a line-up. I had his name, and hated it because I had no connection to it. I swapped it for my mum's surname as soon as I left school. I don't quite understand why you wouldn't want your child to have your name, to reflect that you will be his parent?

Please listen to your family. It would be madness to give your baby the surname of a parent who will most likely be absent from his life.

Are you still in love with him and hoping he'll come back to you? That's understandable soon after a break up. I don't want to sound harsh but it's unlikely you will get back together (and that's probably for the best) but five years from now when your love for this man is a distant memory you'd be kicking yourself for giving your baby his name.

I had 4 dc with exdp. We were going to get married but we never did.

If i was you i would give the baby your name & dont put him in the birth certificate.

My boys have their Dad's surname rather than mine, but a) mine is difficult to spell and b) I was still with their Dad at the time and don't regret giving him that extra connection.
I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't with him at the time, though.
Also, if you do go ahead, be prepared for teachers and doctors to call you Mrs exname as they make assumptions I gave up trying to set right.

I really really really wouldn't give your baby the dad's surname in this situation.

How confusing for your child to have a different name from his Mum if his father isn't even always in the picture.

You may have no choice with the bc. If you're not married, you can't put him on without him being there to register the birth with you.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, it must be very hard.

My main concern would be the future. Let's say he disappears from the baby's life, you go on to meet someone else and want to marry that person. You'd want your child to have the same name as the rest of the family / possible other children - yes? I know I wouldn't want my child to feel like the only one with a different surname and "the odd one out" x

I agree, I'm "old fashioned" and believe the baby should the dad's name but in your circumstances, definitely yours!!! I didn't think you could even give the baby his name unless he attended the registration of his name? If he don't go he can't be on the certificate so fuck his name

I was in this exact same position when I was pregnant with DD except my Family felt she should have has name for the reasons you stated and it was me who felt she shouldn't.

I went with my gut and gave her my name and it was the best decision I ever made.

Also, if you do go ahead, be prepared for teachers and doctors to call you Mrs exname as they make assumptions I gave up trying to set right

As well as having issues taking the baby abroad when they have a different surname to you.

How is your ex going to be in your baby's life? He doesn't want anything to do with it and as others have said, you can't put him on the birth certificate unless he wants to be on it.

I think you should prepare for him very much not to be in you and the baby's life and urge you to give the baby your name.

I agree with others, definitively give the baby your name, if your ex comes to registering the birth then you can put him on the birth certificate (as others have said you can't do it without his permission), but why should your child carry the surname of someone who wants nothing to do with him instead of yours, his mother. You say that your ex is still going to be in the baby's life, but in what way? His behaviour to date doesn't indicate that he's going to be any type of reliable parent.

If he comes to the registration and starts to show more support and interest maybe you could, at a push, have his surname as a middle name.