Should I give my baby his fathers surname?

[Sophiemck95]

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my baby's dad left me at 6 months pregnant because he didn't want to be with me anymore, he never wanted our baby either but I refused to get an abortion, which resulted in him leaving me at 6 months pregnant with his baby.

My family are telling me I should give the baby my surname, and keep him off of the birth certificate also, but I would rather he have his fathers surname and have him on his birth certificate as my ex is still his dad and he's still going to be in his life.

I am 23 weeks pregnant and my baby will have my surname. I made this clear to my partner before we started trying for a baby and he grudgingly accepts this. I think it will make life easier as I will be the one taking my son to appointments etc as my partner will be working and I like my surname better.

If it's any use, my mum gave me my birth father's name despite him being a complete idiot. Fast forward a few years and he'd (unsurprisingly) disappeared. I used to get so annoyed that I had his name when he wasn't even around and couldn't wait until I was old enough to legally change it. It was the first thing I did when I was 16!

If he doesn't come with you to register the birth he cannot be named on the birth certificate as you are not married.

I double barrelled DS surname myname-exname and have never regretted it, even after splitting with ex. I'd never have my DS have a different surname to my own.
I'm 37 weeks and this baby will be myname-partnersname, for the same reasons.

I would give the baby your last name.

It can be changed in future in the event that the father pulls his head out of his backside and decides to be part of the baby's life.

If I remember correctly, unless you are married, the father needs to attend the registry office with you to get his name entered onto the birth certificate so unless he is prepared to do that, he won't be on there anyway.

I don't think this affects your ability to make a claim for maintenance though, although I am sure someone with much more knowledge on the subject will be along soon to give you some better info - or maybe try posting on the Legal board and see if anyone there can help?

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Your name, just to echo everyone else.

We had a weekend away with friends and their kids who are from a previous relationship of the mum. What a nightmare going through passport control.

If care was going to be 50/50, then maybe, at a push, but again why does the dad's name take precedence over the mother's?

As previous said I think it is. It solely your decision to make.

If you are not married then your ex needs to fill in the form and hand it in or you both have to turn up to register the child.

From what I understand you can't register your child on your ex's surname without him being a father on the birth certificate.

If you decide to give your ex's surname, he needs to be there himself or fill in that form.

Personally, I would give my surname as you and your child will ultimately be a family.

Also, I don't think you should hide his name from your child when it comes to it.

I doubt anyone will want I be associated with a father who hasn't been there for them and in fact left because of them.

If things turn for the betterr after the child is born and your ex suddenly realised what he had lost you can always change it. But since it is not very likely I would go with your own surname and think in terms of being a family of 2 for now. And hopefully someone nicer will come along soon.

Xxx

www.gov.uk/adding-fathers-name-birth-certificate

Your surname.

From experience of give him your name! I wanted my son to have my name but hot talked round right after he was born and I was feeling vulnerable as he was in SCBU so fast forward 3 months, no dad on the scene and my son having his surname, he was known as my name from 1yr and officially got it changed when he was 4, he's 8 now and seen his dad about 6 times so I'm glad I did!

Your surname, without a doubt.

Your surname

And if you reconcile and ever get married well he'll have to take your surname too if he wants it to be the same as your first child.

You may have a few issues if your child has a different surname ie it'll be difficult to take your DC out of the country etc. Birth certificate gives him parental rights so I'd keep him off that as well, he doesn't sound like the nicest of chaps and you don't want him having parental rights to be a hinderence to you.

Your surname. No question.

If you were together then it would be a discussion to be had - your name, his or double barrelled. But you're the together and you're the one doing this - so yours.
My son has both names in his name (on as a middle, one as surname) but we're both raising him so we both have a right to be acknowledged IMO. If he'd left me no way would I be giving my son his name!

I had my birth fathers last name until I was 4 he was very absent and did not care, my mum got married and I was renamed to his and two years ago I changed my name to my mums as he was horrible... 3 name changes were too much I am in a committed 6 year relationship and the baby will have my last name my OH agrees and is even thinking of changing his last name to mine x go with your last name x x x

I think he definitely needs to be on the birth certificate wether he's a dead beat or not he needs to be on it! However I think baby should have your surname x

Worst decision I ever made was giving ex surname to DS. Also wish he wasn't on the birth certificate.

So, echo everyone else, your surname, and think very carefully about birth certificate and parental responsibility.

I am with my DP and I still wish I'd given our kids my name. I'm with them most of the time and constantly having to give my last name and theirs is a bit tedious. Not to mention needing a letter if permission and birth certs when I took them abroad without him recently.
Your name. Definitely your name.

I think your family are right. You could always put his dad s surname as a middle name maybe.

Would also be a bit question your baby will have later on... why am I different? Who is this man who se surname I have rather than my mother's ? Seems a bit pointless if the guy wants nothing to do with baby and wanted him.aborted and left you for that reason

I would hate to have the surname of a father who didnt want me.. what a daily reminder that would be!!

I am struggling to undestand what makes you think this is a good idea.

Just think through the future scenarios if he has his father's surname:

• school, health forms, registration for clubs etc (having to explain repeatedly to every new school, club, sports team, scouts group that he is DS X but you are not Mrs X but Ms Y)
• passports, holiday bookings, airports etc (you aren't the X family so are more likely to face questioning about whether he is your ds and have you got his father's permission to take him out of the country)
• future family, siblings (if you meet someone else and have another dc, would they have a third surname or yours? Wouldn't it be better for your ds to share his surname with you and any future sibs?)
• future relationships with his father (this man has said he didn't want this child. How will you explain to your ds that his father who wants nothing to do with him deserves to share his name?)

Are you sure you're not trying to force his father to be involved and acknowledge his son by identifying him as father through his name? He really doesn't deserve the right.

I think the fathers name should definitely be on the birth certificate..I don't believe anyone has the right to withhold this from their child or not have this stated on the cert.
I would probably give the child my surname in this situation.