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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Ok I am panicked someone who has a girl and boy help

76 replies

ashleighbean · 08/04/2017 07:43

So my dd has just turned 4 she is my everything and we have such a close relationship down to she has never been away from me for 1 night since she was born...yeah Ive had stick from people for not letting her stay somewhere away from me but I just couldn't bare not being near her when she woke up and I dont mind admitting that.

When we told her I was pregnant she was so excited but keeps talking about a sister found out its a boy yesterday and she is devastated. Its so difficult for her to understand we just dont choose the gender.

I am now worried sick so much that I barely slept last night feeling physically sick that I may have ruined a bond with her sibling and is she going to resent him. She will just be weeks into starting reception when I am due and dont want to disrupt everything even more now.

I was so shocked when they said boy but in a very happy way was in a bit of a daze not helping when my husband said oh dd will NOT be happy....que huge guilt from me and then for him to say I dont know any people with an older girl little boy who get along.

Someone please tell me this is possible with the 4.5yr gap. My neice and nephew dont get along there is only 16 months between them but the more I thought od it I couldnt think of anyone I knew where the big sister had a close bond with a little brother soooooo worried....really taken the shine off finding out

OP posts:

Maltie · 08/04/2017 09:15

My brother is 9 years older and we are pretty much best friends!!

Carolinesbeanies · 08/04/2017 09:20

"I dont know any people with an older girl little boy who get along."

Ive older girl, younger boy, gap 3 years. They adore each other and are far closer than friends Ive got who have 2 girls. Sibling rivalry between 2 girls can get quite vicious, especially when you hit the teens.
Personally, I think its the best thing thta could have happened for you.

Your little girl is living in a total girl world. Girls are the best. Girls are the most fun playmates. etc etc etc.

When she realises this baby doesnt pop out as a 6 foot smelly boy, but instead, a tiny new little human who needs her, shell feel totally different.

MistyMeena · 08/04/2017 09:31

I have one of each with several years between, they are the best of friends.

AmyB1986 · 08/04/2017 09:32

There is almost the same age gap between me and my brother. My mum said when I was little and he was a baby I didn't like him when he was first at home but after a week or so I loved him and took care of him. We are extremely close now at 31 and 27. He's my best friend. We live miles from each other but phone or text everyday.
Your daughter will love him unconditionally even if she's upset now.
I have two daughters with a 19 month age gap and they fight, argue and steer clear of each other but when one is upset they comfort each other. They want this baby to be a boy! They're 9 & 7 now so will be a huge change for them having a tiny person in the house

MrsBobDylan · 08/04/2017 09:41

You need to pull the situation into perspective, otherwise your dd will pick up on your feelings of guilt and start to believe that something has gone really wrong and that she is right to feel she deserved a sister not a brother.

I know loads of sisters who don't get on and loads of brothers. If your kids are brought up in a loving, caring family they will learn to get along, even if they do not become best friends. Siblings are not shoes - they don't need to exist as a matching pair!

Littleraincloud · 08/04/2017 09:46

My D's wanted me to have a tiger. He was only 18 months when we found out I wasn't having a tiger but I couldn't worry as you can't choose, same as you. Fwiw I didn't want a tiger anyway.

Missmac84 · 08/04/2017 09:49

My dd was 2 1/2 when we had our ds. We never found out the gender - but whilst I was heavily pregnant she was absolutely adamant that she wanted a sister. Would cry when people asked if she was having a brother.
Anyway, now that he's here - she absolutely adores him. Sits and stares at him, wants to help us hold, change, bath, feed him.
Talks about him constantly at nursery and he's the first thing she asks about when she wakes and when she's picked up from nursery.
Your little girl may just surprise you like mine did!

paddypants13 · 08/04/2017 10:08

I have a dd and a ds, they worship each other. They have the odd spat but for the most part they are lively together. I made a huge fuss of dd when I was expecting ds and I made a massive fuss of her afterwards. Asked her to help me with little things, constantly told her how important big sisters are and ds "brought" some presents with him.

Allthebubbles · 08/04/2017 10:08

I have a 3 1/4 yr age gap, boy then girl. We didn't know the sex but I think we all fell into calling the bump he ( or she) but added as an after thought. When I told my son he had a sister (over the phone as he was with Grandparents) he burst into tears and gave the phone to my mum. I think it took her about 20mins of persuading him it wouldn't be the end of the world then they went out to buy her a present and he's been a brilliant big brother ever since.
I had a present from the baby for her too.
I think it will world out fine especially if you can get your head round it and be positive.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 08/04/2017 10:11

My boys adore their sister and vice versa, they are all close, despite the age gap (11, 9 & 3)

JustHereForThePooStories · 08/04/2017 10:16

You really need to get a grip and some perspective.

You went for a scan and it sounds like the "worst" news you got is that you're not having the gender your 4 year old prefers?

Women come out of these scans with devastating and negatively life-changing news.

Do grow up and stop being so silly.

SoupDragon · 08/04/2017 10:24

Women come out of these scans with devastating and negatively life-changing news.

Yes, everyone knows this.

Just because others have to far far worse doesn't mean people can't and don't worry about things that are actually small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

ShezowsSister · 08/04/2017 11:55

My dd was a similar age to yours when we had ds- I won't lie, she told the world and it's mother she was disappointed and wanted a sister. But 3 years on they are inseparable, there are rows and disagreements but also loads of love and great craic 😊

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 13:27

I've got a 3 year old boy and a almost 14 month girl.
I'll be honest they scrap a fair bit but they do also have great fun together and are very affectionate with one another. They find each other disproportionately amusing too as well as enjoying laughing at me together a lot.
They will be fine.i think as they grow they'll bring out the best in each other.
In bumper number three and he wants another girl, absolutely adamant and has even picked the name. 😆

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 13:31

Sorry I re read your original comment and it has irked me a tad.
I don't see how finding out has taken the shine off things. That's dreadfully unfair on the baby boy growing inside you. Finding out your baby was gravely ill, now that would take the shine off things

All children bring their own special joys and quirks regardless of gender.

Your daughter and you more to the point haven't really got a choice. Just be thankful you're carrying a healthy child who you will see one day with his sister and the way they are together will make you feel so ridiculous for ever having said that.

FunkyChunkyCherub · 11/04/2017 13:36

My partner is a boy (well, man ) and he has a sister 3 and a half years older. They get on really well and are close! Growing up they had a few arguments and weren't as close in teenage years, but apparently they got on much better it sounds like than my sister and I - we're 2 and a half years apart and too similar, if that's possible, constant arguments, fights, hair pulling etc growing up, we must have been awful! We've always been very close though and I love having a little sister, but I'd have loved a brother too.

Don't worry, she'll get over it when she sees how cute little babies are!

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 11/04/2017 13:42

I was slightly irked by your DH comment actually. "DD will not be happy." Presumably you aren't having another child purely for DD's amusement. Of course she was expecting a sister, she's a girl therefore baby will be the same, that's how four year olds think. I have two boys, the older was excited about his brothers arrival, but disappointed that he didn't arrive and immediately start playing trains so he ignored him really until train playing looked more likely, round about a year I think.

To answer your worries, there are four years between my brother and I (I'm female). We never got on but that was mainly due to his being annoying, not because he is male. My neighbour hates her sister so...

Raaaaaah · 11/04/2017 13:43

Totally agree with the comment about babies and young children being genderless. We have DS, DD and DD. Actually DS and youngest DD are closer than the two girls.
I would just be breezy. It's no biggy. My 1st DD was desperate for a younger brother. She got a sister. Cest la vie!

NeverTwerkNaked · 11/04/2017 13:46

Age and gender aren't really the significant factors. I'd say the innate character of the child plus how you guide them to build their sibling relationships are far more important.

"Siblings without rivalry" is a good book.

NeverTwerkNaked · 11/04/2017 13:48

Also, I think it helps that we make sure each child (we have 4) gets some 1:1 time with each of us. And has time at school/nursery/ clubs with their friends.
They seem to really enjoy squabbling each other's company

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 11/04/2017 13:51

I was 5 when DBro was born.

As soon as he started to talk, we started to argue and for a few years he was the annoying little brother and I was the overbearing older sister - but we still loved each other, and would do anything for each other.

I'm now 22 and he's 17 and he is one of my closest friends. Sometimes sibling bonds happen straight away, sometimes they're not always immediately apparent and sometimes it takes longer.

Onomatopoeic · 11/04/2017 13:53

My brother is two years younger than me. It's just the two of us. We e always been close and growing up with him was really fun.

My DD has an older sister and a younger brother. She wanted a brother because Peppa Pig has her little brother George :)

All siblings are very close and love one another very much.

Once your DD sees a cute, squidgy baby she will be smitten.

Wombletor · 11/04/2017 15:03

I have the same age gap as you and the same issue when I was pregnant. I told dd when I was 24 weeks and she was overjoyed, as she'd been asking for a sister for a long time. Then I had to break it to her that it was a brother and she cried with disappointment. However, she absolutely adores him now. Don't worry, it will be fine

Bear2014 · 11/04/2017 15:05

All will be fine, OP. We are expecting a DS and when we told DD (3), she insisted it was a girl. We just kept on saying 'it's a boy' and being really smiley and positive about it. Then she started saying things like 'my sister is a boy' and now she puts her hand on my belly and says hi to her 'baby brother'. This is all in the space of a couple of weeks.

KittyWindbag · 12/04/2017 01:05

my little brother was my best friend when growing up and we are still really close. You have time to get her used to it.

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