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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Ok I am panicked someone who has a girl and boy help

76 replies

ashleighbean · 08/04/2017 07:43

So my dd has just turned 4 she is my everything and we have such a close relationship down to she has never been away from me for 1 night since she was born...yeah Ive had stick from people for not letting her stay somewhere away from me but I just couldn't bare not being near her when she woke up and I dont mind admitting that.

When we told her I was pregnant she was so excited but keeps talking about a sister found out its a boy yesterday and she is devastated. Its so difficult for her to understand we just dont choose the gender.

I am now worried sick so much that I barely slept last night feeling physically sick that I may have ruined a bond with her sibling and is she going to resent him. She will just be weeks into starting reception when I am due and dont want to disrupt everything even more now.

I was so shocked when they said boy but in a very happy way was in a bit of a daze not helping when my husband said oh dd will NOT be happy....que huge guilt from me and then for him to say I dont know any people with an older girl little boy who get along.

Someone please tell me this is possible with the 4.5yr gap. My neice and nephew dont get along there is only 16 months between them but the more I thought od it I couldnt think of anyone I knew where the big sister had a close bond with a little brother soooooo worried....really taken the shine off finding out

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 08/04/2017 08:20

OP, we have a similar age gap, girl first then boy.

The whole way through my pregnancy DD talked about how she didn't want a brother, only a sister. We didn't find out in advance, so when DS was born I was worried about how she would react. But she was so thrilled to be a big sister that it was all forgotten.

They're five and ten now, and we're currently at the 'mum! He's annoying me!' stage. But I know she loves him really, as she occasionally forgets herself and is nice to him when she thinks we're not looking

pictish · 08/04/2017 08:24

I think you're lacking perspective. Your her mum not her fairy godmother. You can't possibly wave a starry wand and have her life exactly to her choosing at every conjecture.

This is only a problem if you encourage it to be one.

Love51 · 08/04/2017 08:25

My age gap isn't as big as yours, my good friend has girl boy with a slightly bigger gap than yours. Both our daughters have a tenancy to 'mother' their brothers. The boys sometimes tolerate it! I imagine it would be the same regardless of gender, as the big kid can do/ reach things the little one can't.
Mine managed not to have a night away even with the birth, as I had a quick birth in the morning,home in time for tea. But 4year old might want to know the plan for her if you have to go in. I found letting dd kiss my tummy goodnight built a strong pre-birth bond. She did look at my smaller tummy at bedtime the first night ds was born, I said, tummy baby is ds, but we call him ds now, so she kissed the baby :)

Love51 · 08/04/2017 08:26

Ok, new baby brought her a gift as well. From the shop in my womb.

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/04/2017 08:27

I'm 4.5 years older than my brother and I have a much closer relationship with him than I do my sister who is much closer in age to me. The PP are all correct in saying that a baby is just a baby, the sex is irrelevant, or should be.

ChilliMum · 08/04/2017 08:28

Wow I could have written your post 6 years ago.
I have 4.5 years between dd and ds (ds arrived a month after she started reception). Dd was desperate for a sister and when we told her she was getting a brother she wouldn't even look at us.
From the moment she met him, she adored him. The age gap was lovely as she was just old enough to entertain him, she helped me bath and change him, sing to him and would read her reading books to him.
I am not sure she is quite as enamoured these days as he is a bug loving smelly 6 year old with a mind of his own , however they play well together and she still is fiercely protective of him; he has been bullied a little this year at school and dd and all her friends have been watching out for him.
I am also the older sister of a younger brother. He is married to a wonderful woman (so I eventually did get a sister ) and although we are in our 40s and live in different countries I know he will always have my back just as I will have his.

dorothymichaels · 08/04/2017 08:30

We have a four year gap - girl then boy. DD says the best thing I ever did was give her a brother. They adore each other.
Mind you, I had a brother four years younger. I liked him until I was about 12 then didn't give him the time of day until he was 17.

user1491630259 · 08/04/2017 08:34

I am sorry you are stressed, but it's not a big deal
Your daughter will get over the way that she feels
Start talking about how great little boys can be
She will soon start to be happy the baby's a "he"

Age gaps don't matter - I know this to be true
I know three adult men and the closest two
Are the ones who are actually 6 years apart
The closest in age aren't close - how about that?

MissObsessed · 08/04/2017 08:34

There are 16 months between me and my younger brother and he is one of my greatest friends. We had a wonderful relationship growing up and still do now.

I think it all depends on how the transition is handled for your DD. It will be difficult for her at times regardless of the sex of her sibling. Let's face it, all babies are just that when they are born - babies. What sex they are has no bearing on how they behave, it's the relationship you encourage between your children which is key.

MelinaMercury · 08/04/2017 08:35

I was 8 when my brother was born.

We fought like cat and dog just like any other siblings but i also enjoyed helping to take care of him and when i was 14/15 i used to like taking him out to the cinema or the park so it wasn't all bad.

Now we're older (30 and 22) we're still close and although life is busy we still have time just to catch up with each other over dinner or something :)

My own son was 6 when his sister was born and my hormones went wild writing about how going from an only child to having a sibling but he loved her and was so proud of his baby sister and they have they same relationship my brother and i had which is great to watch! Please don't stress OP.

Get your daughter involved in picking some "boy" clothes now, maybe a new doll or dolls clothes for her own too, she'll be fine.

SoupDragon · 08/04/2017 08:36

Honestly, I don't thinkthe fact she is disappointed that the baby is a boy is going to be your problem. She will get over that. You need to prepare her for how much of yOur time he is going to demand and the fact that you mit be away from her over night when he is born.

Just keep referring to the baby as he etc and she will get used to it. It isn't usual - plenty of small children would have preferred a puppy to a baby sibling at the start :)

SoupDragon · 08/04/2017 08:39

I've just realised (duh!) that DS2 was the same age as your DD when his baby sister arrived. I have some lovely photos of him gazing adoringly at her and they are close. I would say that they perhaps aren't as close as DS1 and 2 but that is because there's only 2 years between them and they are at school together - they've spent a lot of time in each other's company!

DS1 has a great relationship with her too.

nicknamehelp · 08/04/2017 08:41

I have one of each they fight they are also best mates. If anyone else gets upsets the other one they are so over protective!

Dynamics of the family will change and sometimes it will be hard but love each and all will generally be ok.

QuentinSummers · 08/04/2017 08:43

My DD was upset to find she was having a brother (5yr gap). I told her I was happy it was a boy because there was no way a girl would have been as good as her and I like only having 1 daughter. That worked, even now she says she's pleased I didn't have any more daughters as she likes being the only girl! (She's ten)
And yes they love each other

Bostin · 08/04/2017 08:44

Perhaps consider a night away from your DD. Unless you are planning a homebirth you are likely to be away from her for a night when you have your son.
Congratulations btw

ShowOfHands · 08/04/2017 08:45

You're living my life a few years ago. It was April. DD was keen to have a sister. She came to the 20wk scan. It was a boy. She cried.

She was 4yrs 4months when her brother was born, also had never slept away from me, was due to start school 4 days after her brother was born.

She LOVED him. She could not have been happier. The age gap was perfect too. She had the joy of school and independence, I had 6hrs a day with ds, she was old enough to understand he had different needs. It was a breeze.

They're 5 and almost 10 now and best friends. They're currently in bed together, reading to each other.

Only thing I'd perhaps work on is the idea of a night or two apart. I did it at this point because of the distinct possibility of me being in hospital overnight. I didn't want to risk her first night away from me being the same day a new sibling arrived. So we arranged a sleepover at grandma's and worked hard at making it a lovely, positive experience. Good job as I had an emergency caesarean and two nights in hospital.

Rainbow1987 · 08/04/2017 08:48

My DD (almost 5) has asked Father Christmas for the past 2 years for a baby brother. We found out in Jan that baby is a girl. She was devastated for a couple of days but soon came around to the idea! She already has an older sister and older brother who she gets on with fab, she just had her heart set on another boy. She's very excited now for her baby sister to arrive! Xx

Lolly49 · 08/04/2017 08:53

Three years between Dd and Ds they are the best of friends.Ds describes Dd as his best mate.

zoemaguire · 08/04/2017 09:00

You are catastrophising. Surely you can see that any massive generalisation like 'no older girl/younger boy' siblings get on is likely to be a load of complete nonsense? Mine are incredibly close, for what it is worth.

Lightningflash · 08/04/2017 09:00

My DD is 4 and we decided not to find out if baby is a boy or girl. For the last couple months she always talks about wanting a baby sister. I always tell her I have no idea if it is a boy or girl. Anyway yesterday she told me, "Mummy, I love our baby ... Even if it is a boy" ...

Also, have cousins where girl is 4 yrs older than boy and they are great friends.

VeganCanBeFabulous · 08/04/2017 09:01

She will take a lot of her cues from you. If you accept that this is a disappointment, she will take that on. I would ignore complaints and just talk casually about how wonderful it will be to have a brother. I have a younger brother (there is 21 months between us) and we were best friends as children, just really really close. Then we fell out as teenagers but are really close again as adults, despite living 150 miles from each other.

This book might be a useful one to get (little princess is desperate for a sister, then gets a brother and loves him)

Ok I am panicked someone who has a girl and boy help

Ineedagoodusername · 08/04/2017 09:01

My have an almost 4 year gap and adore each other. Yes they argue and they fight at times. That's normal but they can play together for hours and will defend each other to the end.

VeganCanBeFabulous · 08/04/2017 09:04

Also, when I was born my Mum sold my brother to me by saying he was my baby. That I would be the big sister and getvto teach him stuff and show him the world. I helped with bathing him and feeding him once he was no longer breastfed. Might be a way to go.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 08/04/2017 09:09

My daughters who have the same age gap fight a hell of alot more than my son and daughter with the same age gap. He is now four.

You need to take her to see a friends baby or something who is a boy and she will be happy she is getting a boy. I told my second daughter (because she wanted a sister) that at least he wouldn't steal her toys, clothes or make up growing up (I know that's debatable on mn before anyone jumps on that comment but in real life it's not).

PTphonehome · 08/04/2017 09:12

My brother is 4 years younger than me and we've always been friends growing up. Our kids are now close in age so we have a great relationship still.
I wouldn't worry she will come around and adore her wee brother.

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