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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Find out the gender? - twins

28 replies

BobbleHat42 · 31/03/2017 21:52

Hi,
Help! I'm 25 weeks pregnant with non-identical twins. We've been backwards and forwards with wanting to find out the genders and not.

Cons - I wouldn't get 'the surprise' and considering how long it took us to get pregnant with these 2, I'm pretty sure this will be our only pregnancy so no chance for the other option in the future.

Pros - I feel it would be easier to bond with my bump. At the moment I have a really wriggly 'twin 1' and a quieter 'twin 2'. I feel like knowing the genders would help me form a fuller picture of the little people growing inside me...

Plus (and please remember that we're so so grateful to be in this position and thankful for anything) but we do have preferred gender combinations . Would it be better to find out now or at the birth if it was our least favourite option? (I feel really guilty even saying those words out loud and immediately follow it with, 'as long as they're healthy'!!)

DH feels the same on pros and cons and we just can't decide!!

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 31/03/2017 21:58

My opinion would be to wait for the birth if you're worried you might be a bit guilty about the gender.
Because then if you are they are in your arms anyway it won't matter because you'll be enthralled by them .
If you find out earlier you have more time to dwell.

But i bet someone will come along and say find out and you have more time to get your head round it.

helpful

Or flip a coin, find out or don't find out. How you feel about the result will let you what you need to know. It worked for Rachel in Friends

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 31/03/2017 21:59

Huge congratulations by the way!

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 31/03/2017 22:00

How organised a person are you?

Original poster

BobbleHat42 · 31/03/2017 22:04

That's funny Sleep I'm going to try the Friends coin flip!

I'm not hugely organised Wish, buying some neutral colours, not going nuts on a nursery. Actually....pretty unorganised

OP posts:

Happyandhungry · 31/03/2017 22:23

I liked finding out so i can say "our daughter" and "my baby girl" etc i do feel more bonded to her by knowing and i hate it when people say IT. At least they can now say "when is SHE due" etc etc

DuggeeHugs · 31/03/2017 23:25

We didn't find out until the birth - I wanted a surprise and DH didn't mind.

We unintentionally gave baby a code name; I didn't want to say 'it' at 8 weeks as I couldn't quite get my head around things, so used a seasonal word which surprisingly stuck and is still used as a nickname now. I don't think it affected our bonding at all.

I thought I'd prefer one gender over the other but, as it happened, I didn't and still don't care as I was so relieved DC arrived safely!

This time we both wanted a surprise so we have a new code name

BillyButtfuck · 31/03/2017 23:29

My twins turn one in just over a week, it's amazing, congratulations!
We decided twins was enough of a surprise for us, and for the sake of planning and getting organised, we found out we were having two little boys.
I'm really glad we did find out, but it is such a personal choice.

Good luck with it all

LokisSister · 01/04/2017 00:20

It will be a surprise whenever you find out. If it's making you anxious I'd find out before the birth.

Emma2803 · 01/04/2017 13:03

I agree with sellyoursoul. Wait to the birth because then you will be so overjoyed and in love you won't care what the gender is.
I really wanted a girl, was certain I was carrying a girl even though we didn't find out and scoffed at everyone who suggested I was carrying a boy. We didn't pick a boys name until we were a mile away from the hospital. As it happened out popped a boy and the minute I heard him cry (emcs so heard him before I saw him) I was in love and didn't give a toot about gender, he was just mine!!

FreeButtonBee · 01/04/2017 13:11

I did and it definitely helps me prepare (both mentally and practically!)

I found that their movements become really hard to tell apart as they grew (very very different to my singleton pg) so knowing what we were having really helped.

Also although I'm not a massive pink for girls/blue for boys fan, it was useful to buy for each baby (I had b/g)

There also felt like so much going in that knowing the genders before birth wasn't exactly a big deal. Their arrival was still a huge deal! 😄

FreeButtonBee · 01/04/2017 13:13

Also finding names for twins is a big deal. You're going to hear them together for years so they do need to flow and thinking of 3 different combos was too much for me!

Oly5 · 01/04/2017 21:07

Wait for the surprise! You won't care what sex they are once they're born! It's also so much more exciting for your family if nobody knows

fabulous01 · 01/04/2017 21:11

We found out for personAl reASons but we didn't tell Anyone. Everything wAs neutraL with colours As thAt wAs whaT wE wAnted

Enjoy do whAt iS right for you

Ponyboycurtis · 01/04/2017 21:19

Hey Op - we had ID twins 8yrs ago and didn't find out - this was mainly due to the fact that I was scanned every other week and it felt as though everyone knew everything about me/them and I just wanted me and DP to have a moment when no-one knew anything....... I don't know if that makes any sense! When they were born it was sooooo exciting.

A friend of mine found out what she was having and named him, when he was born her DP rang around all the family and as he said 'it's a boy' most people responded with 'we know' which he says left him feeling quite flat.

HN42 · 01/04/2017 21:53

I am currently pregnant with twins and we decided to find out, partly because I'm too OCD not to know and I felt it helped me with planning as I am trying to make my life as organised as possible before the twins throw it into chaos. Also because we've been led to believe up to this point that they were non-identical as they are di-amniotic and di-chorionic so I just wanted to know if we were having one of each or not. Both twins gave themselves away on the 20 week scan anyway and turned out both to be boys. Though now I've been told they might actually be identical not fraternal.

I guess its your choice to make really and don't feel guilty about having preferred gender options, I'll quite happily admit we were hoping for one of each but it's not worked out that way but I've taken it much better than expected (I'm still terrified having only ever had sisters and no brother so not sure how to bring up 2 little boys but I'll figure it out I'm sure). I think knowing they are growing well and seem to be keeping up with each other growth wise became the more overriding issue for me.

Sleepinghooty · 01/04/2017 22:00

We found out with our twins. I was so worried about a particular gender combination (which we turned out to have) but it didn't spoil anything finding out.

I was worried about name combinations if I didn't know. I felt like I would have to chose 2 of each plus a favourite boy and girl name, but if it turned out to be 2 of the same sex one would have the 'least favourite' name and didn't like that idea!

user1483387154 · 01/04/2017 22:11

I would find out now, not everyone has the instant outpouring of love for their baby the moment they are born. If this happens with you and you have added gender disappointment it could make things emotionally harder. We found out with ours and the gender is opposite of what we had believed it was going to be. It took about a week to come to terms with and I am so glad that we have this time to mentally and pysically prepare for the baby we are having. Not to mention finding a new name!!
Even if you find out it doesnt mean you have to tell anyone else if you still want it to be a suprise for family and friends.

Lemondrop09 · 01/04/2017 22:21

We're not having twins, but we're going to find out the gender in advance because we also have a slight gender preference. I would like a girl, because I was so close with my mum and I'd love to share that with a daughter (although I have been assured by mums of boys that there is nothing like the love between a mother and son ). My DH would also like a girl as he's not a typical bloke and is worried about having a football mad son and thinks he'd relate better to a girl (we are aware that we could end up with a football mad daughter!).

This really is a slight preference though. We took a while to conceive and it's been a rough first trimester, so I truely just want my child here safely and I will love him/her no matter what. But I think we both need to know if it's a boy so we can mental accept that.

Also DH doesn't want to "waste time" discussing names for both sexes as one list won't get used and is rather annoyingly refusing to seriously think about names until we have a sex. So it would be nice to know so we can have a productive conversation about names.

I am considering not telling anyone else that we know though. As mentioned above, it can be less of a surprise for family if they already know the sex (and we definitely won't be discussing names with anyone in advance, partly to keep an element of surprise but I don't want everyone's opinions either!).

Good luck whatever you decide. Twins, wow

MintyVixxxx · 02/04/2017 03:36

We found out we were having boy/girl twins after a month of being adamant we weren't going to! It wasn't vital but just meant we were that bit more organised re clothes/nursery decor etc but as others have mentioned it helped us massively choosing names. We had a plan A and a plan B should the babies not suit our plan A names. As it happened they did!

mammmamia · 02/04/2017 04:02

We didn't find out and it was the best surprise of my life! Convinced was having two boys and had a boy and a girl.
I found picking 3 name combinations a bit stressful but it was so much fun all the same!
Such a great surprise for family and friends as well. We so enjoyed giving people our news when they were born. Would have been no matter what.

ScarlettFreestone · 02/04/2017 04:08

We have non identical twins.

DH was quite keen to know but I was adamant that I wanted a surprise.

We had a million scans during pregnancy but we would have had to arrange a private scan to find out the sexes. It just felt to me like it was unnecessary.

As I felt so strongly about it DH was happy to wait.

We didn't have any preference about boys or girls and we were just very happy to have two healthy babies, one girl, one boy.

TheEagle · 02/04/2017 07:34

We didn't find out although with all the extra scans it was so tempting!

I'm glad we waited, it was a lovely surprise.

I was sure I was having b/g twins but we had 2 boys in the end!

We were still able to be prepared (as much as you can be for having twins )

neonrainbow · 02/04/2017 07:41

I found out with my twins. It was enough of a surprise that i had two in there and we needed to think of names!

Twins are amazing op. If anyone tells you otherwise don't listen! I had so many negative comments when i was pregnant but now they're here im besotted with them!

MSH2010 · 02/04/2017 21:03

I was always 100% I'd never find out but knowing we are having twins we've decided it's best to know. I'm hoping we can keep it between us.... but we shall see... 7 weeks to go for us

Congrats and good luck whatever you decide

Twinnypops · 03/04/2017 12:34

We found out as we thought that there would be enough surprises in store with twins anyway. In hindsight I'm really glad we did. Before the gender scan I was convinced I was having non-identical girls, so it would have been a massive shock to the system to have been handed identical boys. It was my least preferred gender combination and I feel it was better that I found that out early on rather than adding some extra disappointment to an already crappy labour. I also felt a little detached after they were born, partly because it was several days after they were born before we found out who was who while I was pregnant, and partly because once they came out they were whisked away with me getting barely a glimpse of them. When I saw them a while later I felt a little bit like they could have been anyone's! Them being boys wouldn't have helped my slight paranoia that they weren't mine!

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