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Original poster

Has been an egg donator ( or received eggs)?? & people who haven't ...would you?

35 replies

funnypeculiar · 06/03/2007 21:02

My very good mate's sister is struggling conceiving - they're looking into going abroad for treatment as they can't get an egg donator over here.
I've been wondering about offering to donate eggs.

I guess I've got two sets of questions - first is practical - I know in practical terms that this will be a hassle/probably not much fun. How hard is it?

In terms of the emotional side, I guess I'd need to think about any resulting baby as nothing to do with me ...will that be possible? Esp as I suspect I won't hugely agree with their parenthood methods (could be wrong) Would you want to stay 'friends' with an egg donator?!

Thoughts/opinions/experiences??

OP posts:

massagemum · 06/03/2007 21:05

I have thought about this before and as of yet have done nothing about it. Probably as not sure how would start the process and find out relelvant information.

As my dh has had the snip I think of my eggs now as nothing but waste tbh.

Therefore in my mind if i'm not using them then why shouldn't somebody else. That is not to say that i wouldn't be a little worried but you have to resign yourself to the fact that you are helping somebody to have a family.

TheBlonde · 06/03/2007 21:08

I have neither donated nor received

From what I've heard it is very invasive and they pump you full of hormones to stimulate your ovaries. It can have nasty side effects so not exactly on a par with sperm donation

I don't think I could do it myself

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 06/03/2007 21:11

Yup, know that you need to be given hormone injections to ripen eggs, iykwim. Any idea what side effects are TheBlonde?

OP posts:

Bucketsofdynomite · 06/03/2007 21:12

I was going to donate eggs, we went for tests and a consultation with a plan to do it last autumn. Things got in the way (obligatory couples counselling - dh's work/psych lady's part time schedule!) and then I got frighteningly broody suddenly so I've abandoned it. Anyway, that's the only reason I haven't done it, that and not having my own car right now makes things like childcare seem complicated!
I wouldn't have done it for someone I know as it would be too tempting to stalk them iyswim. You never know when you might hit a low patch and go a little crazy, best if you've got no idea where to stalk . But I'm perfectly fine with the idea of a strange grown up egg knocking on the door one day.

Spidermama · 06/03/2007 21:13

I'd only do it for my sister. I think it would be very difficult. For life.

TheBlonde · 06/03/2007 21:16

old article

Aloha · 06/03/2007 21:17

I could not bear to think that my child, my children's sibling, was out there, not with my family, possibly not being brought up as I would like. So no, I wouldn't do it (though I'm too old now by far anyway)!
And if I had a child by donor egg, I wouldn't want to see that child's mother either, esp if they really looked alike.
If I had a sister I really loved, I might have done it for her. That's the only circumstance I can think of.

Bucketsofdynomite · 06/03/2007 21:18

Sorry yes the specifics:
Follicle stimulating hormones for a cycle, internal scans to catch them at their ripest, then brought in for harvesting which is I think done by laparoscopy rather than vaginally but under local anaesthetic and sedation anyway. Over-stimulated follicles can be a side effect and is like quite bad flu with cramps, can lead to hospitalisation but sorted quickly.
You are not in the clinic on the same day as the recipient.

berolina · 06/03/2007 21:19

I think I would do it for a close friend, but (possibly selfishly) not until I had had all the children I think I would want, as it's not exactly a risk-free procedure.

onlyjoking9329 · 06/03/2007 21:25

i donated some eggs about 9 years ago, it was time consuming, but well worth my short term effort and did result in a baby for a couple who forwarded three lovely letters to me, i am happy i did it.

GlitteringGoldie · 06/03/2007 21:27

I've thought about this before but decided I could not do it b/c I know I personally could not deal with knowing that my biological child (since that is precisely what that child would be) who I had no right over, legally or otherwise, is out there in the world being raised by and belonging to someone else, even if that person was a friend or some other equally wonderful person. I would not be able to remain friends with the couple either, it would be too dificult. I absolutely admire people who can do this though, so for anyone who's done this I think it's amazing. I'm not trying to put you off the idea but I know I couldn't do it.
I think it's also a big problem if you are already saying you have reservations about this couple's parenting methods. That should at least be a starting point and an indication for how you feel about doing something like this. It seems to me you are already thinking about this potential child as in a way yours, otherwise you would not even think about it in terms of would they raise this child, i.e. your biological child, the way you would want it to be? I would think the first rule of thumb is that you can't think about those things at all. Obviously you need to make sure the couple would be responsible and loving parents but you seem to imply you just wouldn't agree with their parenting methods which is quite different. Am I right? Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck with this decision and I think it's very admirable to be considering this for this couple.

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 06/03/2007 21:29

Interesting, all.

Have thought about it before - love the idea of helping someone else to have the lovely experiences of motherhood I've had

I think I wouldn't do it for a close friend as that'd be too wierd - the reason this feels viable is that she's an acquaintance rather than anything else.
I would have to go into it with the certainty that this was not going to be my child - would have been the start point but nothing more.

Am not planning more kids (would love to though) - in a wierd way this feels like a way to extend my family without having the kids myself - virtual babies . Suspect that is a very very bad thing to have floating about inside myself....

OP posts:

schneebly · 06/03/2007 21:29

I have thought about it often and come to the conclusion that I would do it for family/close friend if the situation arose. I would like to be able to be a kind of 'aunt' to the child.

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 06/03/2007 21:31

x-post Glittering Goldie - very perceptive of you. Yes, think I need to think some more about that element.

I don't really know the couple well enough to know I would disagree with their parenting - just know their lifestyle is very different to mine...

OP posts:

NorksBride · 06/03/2007 21:33

I'd idly thought, before I had babies, that egg donation would be a good thing to do in the future.

But I've changed my mind since having DCs because despite my husbands dark hair and dark eyes my DCs are blonde, blue-eyed peas-in-a-pod and now I can't think of them as just 'eggs' but only that the resulting baby would be one of my 'peas'. And I'm too selfish to give one up. It sounds really mean but I can't help it.

kittylette · 06/03/2007 21:33

im hoping to do this,

ive offered to do it for a couple ( i couldnt as my son was too young - 4 months and they went on to get pregnant a child with donated eggs 4 months later ) but still havent gotten it out of my mind, its a serious possibility of me being a surrogate to my SIL and id like to do this first, but not anonymouly iykwim, id like to meet the couple and know the results

i think its a fantastic thing to be considering

GlitteringGoldie · 06/03/2007 21:40

Yes, I thought I'd analysed you correctly! Even still, whether you know this couple well or as aquaintances you know you don't relate well to their lifestyle. You still are thinking about it on the level of do I like the idea of my biological/virtual child being raised with that lifestyle. I'd think the same way as you but I know that's why I'd have such a hard time dealing with the aftermath of what ultimately was a good deed, b/c whichever way the child was raised you can't think about it being in a situation you'd want your other children to be in since it's "only" your child biologically. I could not make the difference in my mind between a bioligical child or any other child of mine, it would all be the same to me which indicates to me I've not got the right mentality to do something like this. Possibley the same holds true for you? Does that make sense?

Original poster

funnypeculiar · 06/03/2007 21:55

Makes a lot of sense GlitteringGoldie - think I need to spend a couple of days letting this thought settle in my head, but that's been really useful. Maybe I can't do this. Perhaps I'm not ready to let that third, virtual baby go yet
Norksbride - I have one clone (little peculiar) as does dh (mini haha) - so yes, can see that way of thinking.
Kittelette - hope it works out for you

OP posts:

Bucketsofdynomite · 06/03/2007 22:17

I thought I'd completed my family but got my first punch-in-the-stomach of uncontrollable broodiness this year. We probably won't have more kids (have accepted this now) but it's a safe bet that I'll get that feeling again and it would be awful to get it after having donated eggs for someone else.

edam · 06/03/2007 22:23

I wouldn't do it. It's a fairly major procedure for the donor carrying very serious risks. Likelihood of suffering from ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome may be low-ish but I wouldn't take the chance. That's even before you get to 'your baby' being out there, somewhere.

mummytosteven · 06/03/2007 22:28

I wouldn't do it for the reasons stated by Edam - risks and invasiveness of the procedure. But if I were to consider it, I think it would have to be for a stranger, rather than anyone close.

onlyjoking9329 · 07/03/2007 10:32

i did it for a stranger, i couldn't do it for someone i know.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2007 10:38

No, I would not donate my eggs to anyone.

At any rate, at 36 I am considered too old.

I would be concerned about the health risks as well and would STRONGLY discourage my daughters from doing this.

Miaou · 07/03/2007 10:43

I would love to do this, but because of my location it's simply not possible (I live too far away from large hospitals etc). Dh wants to donate sperm too but same problems really.

I couldn't do it for people I know - I wouldn't like to have any knowledge of the resulting child (unless and until they were of an age to come and find me - I would have no problem with that at all). Neither could I do it until my own family was "completed" iyswim.

But in the end this is a very personal decision fp that only you can make! However if you go through the couple counselling before you go ahead then it should help to crystallize a lot of these feelings.

evansg01 · 08/03/2007 15:41

Question for ExpatinScotland - if you couldn't have children because of your egg quality would you think about using an egg donor or would you remain childless?

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