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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

'Was it planned?'

30 replies

BeccyButterfly · 11/03/2017 21:05

i announced my pregnancy earlier this week and have been asked several times a day since then 'was it planned?' I'm assuming this is because i'm not married(?) although we do live together. Has anyone else been asked this? And what was ur response? (I personally believe it is no one else's business and just plain rude to ask!)

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Coverup890 · 11/03/2017 21:08

I was asked it alot with my oldest. (She wasnt) i tended just to ignore it. The worst thing i was asked by a recruitment agent when i said i was no longer looking to change carrers was "what your keeping it?". The woman had no idea about my life or anything else for that matter. I just slammed the phone down.

Patriciathestripper1 · 11/03/2017 21:10

Just smile back and say "as planned as yours" I imagen was it planned?

Obsidian77 · 11/03/2017 21:13

Look confused and say "what do you mean?" Grin
Congratulations on your pregnancy but I will warn you you're in for a life time of people saying tactless and annoying things to you!

Smurfy23 · 11/03/2017 21:16

Omg yes! Been asked this by three different but still socially awkward people and each time I got more annoyed. Next time Im going to say "no and I dont know who the father is- Ive narrowed it down to 6 contenders" and see where they go from there (Not sure DH would find that too funny but oh well!)

MyMrKnightley · 11/03/2017 21:21

I was married nearly 2 years when I fell pregnant in my late 20's and I still got asked this.

It's incredibly rude and gets the appropriate response from me each time, death stare followed by "that is incredibly rude question I think the words you were looking for are congratulations"

My baby was planned and I'm a bit of a bull and don't care what people think so I like to educate people so they hopefully don't make someone shyer that didn't plan uncomfortable in the future I can hope anyway

Spudlet · 11/03/2017 21:26

My MiL asked us that, and we are married...! And were just buying our first home at the time, in stable jobs etc... no reason to suppose it would be anything other than planned, really. And yet Confused

Some people just open their mouths before they engage brain. Goodness knows what she was thinking to ask us that.

cocochanel21 · 11/03/2017 21:29

I was 15 when I fell pregnant with DD1 nobody asked if it was plannedGrin.

23YEARS later when pregnant with dd2 when I definitely thought my baby years were behind me. Nobody asked as they all seemed more shocked than the first time me included.

Original poster
BeccyButterfly · 11/03/2017 21:30

This has cheered me up no end. Nice to know i'm not alone! Grin

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikesflowers · 11/03/2017 21:34

people are rude, I had a lot of 'I think you're mad to keep it' when I told people I was pregnant, admittedly dd wasn't planned but even so Shock Angry

nursebickypegs · 11/03/2017 21:36

@BeccyButterfly I've been asked it too, and I'm married with a husband of 7 years Hmm

bumpertobumper · 11/03/2017 21:36

I was asked this quite a few times with dc3. Stable set up with parter etc, no reason why it wouldn't be.
I always found it am incredibly personal question and would be taken aback every time. Some still asked it after the birth!
The rudeness of people. What do they want to hear?

Gardenbirdy · 11/03/2017 21:39

I hate this and have been asked loads of times since making my pregnancy public, mostly by people at work.
I'm married, have a 3 year old and had 2 miscarriages last year so yeah, it was pretty bloody planned. Not that I'd say that in rl or that anyone knows about the mcs, but it still annoys me!

Mehfruittea · 11/03/2017 21:39

DH and I had been trying for 5 years, 2 rounds of IVF and lots of crossed fingers...

Not only was I asked if it was planned Hmm but the same guy also asked if I knew who the father was! Angry

mistermagpie · 11/03/2017 21:49

I wasn't asked it at all with my first pregnancy but during this one we have both been asked it a lot. There will be 20 months between the two babies, so not a big gap but not the smallest gap either, but I think this is why people think it wasn't a planned pregnancy. DC#2, due in three weeks, was entirely planned and took six months to conceive so the gap would have been even smaller!

We have also had five or six people say to DH 'I take it you'll be getting the snip after this one then?'. People are so fucking rude.

WorriedAndCrazy · 11/03/2017 21:58

I was asked this by my friend's mum's friend. She also asked me if I was happy about it, as did my next door neighbour Hmm.

CorporalNobbyNobbs · 11/03/2017 22:00

I said 'what?! On purpose??' to my friend Grin she didn't mind, we had a laugh about it. Just wasn't expecting it when she told me. She's my best friend though I wouldn't have said it to a colleague or acquaintance!!

welshweasel · 11/03/2017 22:08

When I told my boss it was the second thing he said (he did have the good grace to say congratulations first) closely followed by 'you're not planning on taking loads of time off are you?'

Early 30s, recently married, really shouldn't have come as a huge surprise. The fact that it was an IVF pregnancy hammered home to him that it wasn't just a happy accident!

haveacupoftea · 11/03/2017 23:12

No one asked me this, they just said 'i'm sure you're thrilled?' Which is a more polite version of the same question Grin

DinosaurFanGirl · 12/03/2017 06:53

Everyone wants to know because everyone likes to judge. 45% of pregnancies aren't planned (that's what they say on OBEM anyway, I'mean surprised it's not higher!).

Ours wasn't planned and although we live togther people still judge because we aren't married. So stupid! Baby was a lovely surprise and we couldn't have been happier when we found out.

gigi556 · 12/03/2017 06:59

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby. I've been living with my OH for a year now and we celebrate our three year anniversary this month. I was asked by a few people (close relatives) if it was planned, but tbh it didn't really bother me. We aren't married and even though it was planned and it's 2017, I figured a few people would ask. I'm actually surprised more people haven't asked if we are getting married...

SaltedCaramelEverything · 12/03/2017 07:59

I've been asked but only by close family / friends.

I haven't taken it badly - I think they were more surprised we hadn't mentioned anything before and had also talked about lots of holiday plans for the future (DH did that to put people off! We thought it might take us a while)

When I start talking about using ovulation sticks and apps to track my cycle they seem to remember who they're talking to and that I over plan everything so of course their question was silly Grin

Mammabear13 · 12/03/2017 08:09

I am currently 14 weeks into my second pregnancy, and just like last time have been suffering with hyperemesis so have been at the doctors regularly since 4 weeks.

At 6 weeks the ignorant male doctor I saw asked why would I get pregnant again if I was that sick last time, and then questioned whether I even wanted to keep it, despite me saying nothing along those lines. I had simply asked for a repeat prescription that he coincidentally also wouldn't fulfill.

Cue me demanding to see another doctor then and there, and also never booking with him again!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/03/2017 08:09

I was asked this a lot when I was pregnant. My response was always:

"Yes. I decided that half way through my university education was the perfect time to have a baby. And with my boyfriend of 2 months. Alternatively, fuck off!"

I've now been with my DP (same boyfriend) for 4 years and we are getting married next year. If I told people I was pregnant again, I would still be asked if it was planned. People are rude!

Jellybabie3 · 12/03/2017 10:41

Only person i have told so far is my line manager (im 12 weeks) and that was her first question. P' d me off too. Been with OH for 15 years. Ok we arent married but really? What makes people think it still wasnt planned/wanted.....annoying