My PG friend is drinking, smoking cigarettes and marijuana

[user1487978064]

Hi, im new to mumsnet so i havent learned all the abbreviations yet.

My childhood best friend is over 6months and I recently found out from her that she is smoking marijuana, cigarettes and drinking alcohol.
She told me she is trying to quit cigarettes.

I am absolutely horrified and devastated.
She told me she had been trying for over a year to get pregnant after she had a miscarriage 2 years ago.
I dont understand why she wouldnt have quit before trying?

I come from a family that believe its inherently wrong to drink, smoke, do drugs anything! Hell my family wont even eat pasteurised cheese!

So upon learning this i am disgusted and horrified that after having a sudden miscarriage that she says was not to do with her habits that she could do this to her baby.

I fell pregnant in the summer of last year and the moment i realised i was pregnant (we were not planning or trying) i quit smoking immediately and stopped eating/drinking anything dangerous.

We werent even sure we wanted a child but i still didnt do anything that could harm our baby. Almost as soon as we decided to keep our baby, i lost it.
I was very early in pregnancy but it was still horribly sad, then we found out that i have fibromyalgia and some other health issues that can be genetic (my mum has fibro) so ethically we decided not to have children so as not to pass on bad genes to them.

After my best friend getting pregnant i was so excited for her but i also was sad in a way as i wanted a child that i cant have.

I was so ecstatic about her having a baby, i felt so much love and joy for her, her partner and her baby. But now all i feel is fear for the baby?
I dont know what to do.

I saw her 6month scan and it looks like her baby has cleft palate, which is even more terrifying. I feel like she is going to be a really bad parent and i feel so guilty for thinking it.

I welcome any advice/stories.
💧💖

twinny do you seriously think that is the only issue many posters have with this OP?
You think its concerning that a pregnant woman is taking drugs and drinking (increasing amounts every time the OPposts) and still think its none of her business and be incredulous at the slack way her grandmother conducts herself.

If you've got all this information from your grandmother, then your grandmother is breaking very serious rules around patient confidentiality.

She's at serious risk of losing her job for this if your friend were to find out your grandmother had been gossiping about her and chose to make a complaint.

All of the comments I was referring to were before the grandmother was mentioned. Yes, I don't think her grandmother should have mentioned this, it's a serious breach of patient confidentiality. This whole situation is a big mess.

I myself would never drink or smoke in a pregnancy (I don't smoke and hardly drink anyway so not really a problem to not) but I think maybe helping your friend or pointing her in the direction of someone who can will be a lot better than slating her on here, oki she's not making the best decisions but maybe she has a reason, it could be anything.

If your grandmother has been telling you confidential information about your friend then she could be in serious trouble so I would be careful who you are telling that to...if your grandmother as a professional midwife has any concerns I am sure she would be doing her job and reporting to the necessary people.

Wouldn't she be morally bound to report her GM's shocking conduct though?
Not covering up for her.

I am completely SHOCKED at some of these replies. I can not understand why people would possibly be having a go at the OP who is clearly concerned for a friend and has come on here for support.

OP It sounds to me like you have every right to be concerned, I would be horrified to find out a friend was doing these things in pregnancy.

People saying it's fine to have a few drinks or trying to quit smoking can be more harmful to a baby is complete and BOLLOX, that people make up to justify what they are doing.

I think you should definitely try talking to your friend about this. Try to keep the conversation non confrontational and tell her you want to help and support her to kick these habits as you want the very best for her and her baby.

Also for all of you who are accusing her grandmother of giving her the information, she at no point said the information was given to her by her grandmother and not her friend.

"my friend has been told about her baby having cleft palette and she told her midwifery team that they were being stupid and that he obviously is just 'laughing'"

I interpreted that as her friend has openly said this to her, not that the grandmother has said this to her!

Have you been selectively reading the thread? It's pretty clear the op has been given information by the grandmother...

For all those who say how can i know what is going on physically with her baby, my grandmother is her midwife, my friend has been told about her baby having cleft palette and she told her midwifery team that they were being stupid and that he obviously is just 'laughing'

Also: my grandmother is her nurse. Thats how i know and she has been told about the cleft palate and basically joked about it and told the midwifery that they are stupid and her boy is obviously laughing

I'm betting that the Grandmother story is a load of bull because the OP realised she didn't have any credible info...

You are clearly not the pregnant woman's friend. I really can't see why you would even create this post- you are not looking for advice, you are projecting and venting, as well as making some rather unbelievable comments. If it is true about your grandmother your friend needs a new midwife- discussing her in order to allow her granddaughter to judge is unprofessional and truly appalling behaviour.

You do understand the idea of mumsnet is to discuss, advise and support right?!

Oh dear OP. If you are genuinely concerned for the welfare of your friend's baby then I suggest talking to her and helping her find the right support to quit. If you're going to report anyone, it better be your grandmother, for breaching patient confidentiality.