I feel suicidal over baby anxiety.

[JessieMillz25]

I am 29 weeks pregnant. I have not enjoyed a single second of it since 18 weeks when I first started to feel the baby move. I am consumed with thinking about the baby's movements. My baby has no real pattern or consistency which makes me my panic constantly especially when I read you should go to to the hospital if they break the pattern or stop moving ect. Sometimes she doesn't move for hours and hours and I feel so sick and panicky and scared. I have already been in 3 times for reduced movement. It's affecting my job and my relationships because everyone thinks it's in my head. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am obsessed with thinking about dying so I don't have to deal with this anxiety anymore. I have been fighting really hard to not self harm again (I did this at uni 5/6 years ago) I'm constantly daydreaming about getting hit by a car ect. I am with the mental health midwives. Get checkups on the baby every two weeks and am on anti-anxiety medicine. I also do yoga and meditation but nothing soothes me.

Hi Jessie! Lying on your back is not the best for feeling movements if I recall. Much better to be on your side. Other MNers will confirm but I think it's the left side is best?

As for keeping yourself distracted have you thought about colouring? I suffer terribly with anxiety and it has really helped me.

Through all of my pregnancies I was a bit of a wreck and hated all the unknowns and what ifs not to mention the whole movement thing. I used to go in for reduced movement a fair bit nearer the end of my pregnancies. You're not alone in your thoughts. Honestly. Being pregnant is such a gift but also a complete opportunity for your mind to make you think crazy stuff.

Great that you can tell your MW. So important. Please also get yourself tested for StrepB.

Thank you ladies! I think I will try colouring. It does seem very therapeutic. I'm hoping to see the mental health midwife this week. I've been placed on an emergency referral which is a bit scary but also a relief that something will happen quickly.

I feel for you I really do. I'm so glad you're getting the right help. I'm 40 weeks pregnant today and can totally empathise with the obsessing over movement. It doesn't help that I have an anterior placenta. If it helps, mine has never really had a pattern or routine throughout the pregnancy and my midwife told me 'that is her pattern' but to seek advice if the period of time I've not felt her 'feels too long'. I can't wait for her to come now just to know she's safe and well. Please keep accepting the support you're receiving and remember you have 13 weeks left at most. I hope it flies by for you. Pregnancy is difficult.