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Original poster

Waiting for it to end

37 replies

MouseLove · 01/02/2017 17:06

I'm sorry this is probably going to be a sad one but I just need a little advice.

I'm 9+2 today and waiting for it to end. I believe I'm miscarrying.

After a 3 year journey of heartbreak and circumstance changes, job loss, depression, positive lifestyle change and weight loss, we finally conceived our first baby on cycle 3 of actively TTC. Something we've wanted desperately for the last 13 years.

I found out I was hyperthyroid and began medication in week 7 of my pregnancy. Had a scan and found baby was alive and well. We saw a heartbeat but baby only measured 2mm and 5 weeks. It didn't feel right despite the doctor telling me everything looked perfect.

Last night I came home from work, cramping all day, to brown discharge, and pink spotting. It became a little heavier but not really blood. More like heavy spotting. Midwife suggested I visit A&E. so we did. They tested my HCG levels. I didn't lose anything else last night.

I had my booking appointment on Friday and my HCG was only 3007. Last night it was 4770. A 58% increase in 4 days. And sooo low for my 9 weeks LMP, 7 weeks from conception.

More spotting on wiping today and cramps and I feel like I'm waiting for it all to end. I have a scan tomorrow morning. How will I cope. DH isn't doing too well.

I've not slept or eaten and trying to come to terms with what's happening, does anyone have any coping advice please?

Thank you. X

OP posts:
Helbelle75 · 01/02/2017 17:56

Sorry to hear this. Has anyone at a&e/ midwife told you what's happening?
I had a mmc in May last year. I knew it was going to happen as I went for an early scan and there was no heart beat.
In practical terms, make sure you have some thick pads and painkillers to hand, plus an old towel or two. I miscarried at home and I was surprised at the amount of blood. Expect cramping, almost contractions , and expect to be in the bathroom, sat on the loo for ages. I didn't want to flush my baby down the toilet, so another consideration there. My body knew exactly what to do and my mind went into practical coping mode.
Emotionally, I had to have counselling and couldn't work for a month. I was beyond devastated. My DH didn't deal with it at all to start with as he was too busy supporting me, but we kept talking. We planted a memorial rose and talked about our baby bean all the time. Still do.
I'm now 30 weeks pregnant, so there is hope.
I really hope that your scan tomorrow is positive and keeping everything crossed for you. Please update us tomorrow.

Original poster
MouseLove · 01/02/2017 18:00

Thank you. I'm sorry you have been through this. I feel utterly hopeless. Your advice is strangely welcome. X

They haven't said anything to be honest. Doctor was positive and wanted me to be positive. But I'm not stupid. My HCG levels are not doubling and are low. I have absolutely no pregnancy symptoms and never have.

My scan is tomorrow morning. I think they may give me the option of an operation. I just need to keep strong.

OP posts:
Helbelle75 · 01/02/2017 18:07

Gather whatever support around you that you need and be very kind to yourself. Try to stay positive - you haven't had your scan yet.
Thinking of you.

littlepooch · 01/02/2017 18:13

Hello mouse.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there three times before and it's just horrid. I think helbelle has given some excellent practical advice if it isn't going to work out but I didn't want to read and not response as its a very lonely miserable time.

Look after yourself and take it easy. You will get through this I promise, I'm just sorry that you are having to. I am thinking of you x

Sew3stitch · 01/02/2017 19:52

Hi mouse.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a horrendous time. The uncertainty is awful and it's to be expected that you are finding this extremely difficult but as others have said, you never know what tomorrow might bring.

There is excellent advice above should the worst happen at home. I also want to reassure you about the surgery option if it is needed or offered. I had an ERPC last September and was booked in the next day after my scan (a Saturday) and was home by mid afternoon. No pain afterwards and minimal bleeding so physically it was not as bad as I expected.

Emotionally I found it so much more challenging and there really is nothing anyone can say. You need to give yourself space and time to feel whatever you need to - sadness, fear, anger, jealousy. All completely normal. Sounds like you have a rock solid relationship with your DH so my advice would be to spend as much time together as possible and talk when each of you need to. Put yourselves first.

I really hope all the above becomes irrelevant and you have good news tomorrow but I will be thinking of you. Flowers

jinglebellmel · 01/02/2017 20:19

Hi mouse, so sorry you might be going through this. I've done it twice, due to undiagnosed hypothyroid, you do cope but it's incredibly tough. The practical tips you've had a re great - I chose to sit in the bath as I found the water helped the pain, but there was a lot of blood, much more than I was led to expect. Try to be kind to yourself, and if you feel able to tell people then do - it's very lonely if you keep it to yourself like I did.

I hope it's not what you think and you don't need any of this advice.

NovaArt3mis · 01/02/2017 20:29

Sorry to hear this mouse, I'm going through similar at the minute. Had a scan 3 days ago with no heartbeat and have started bleeding now. Supposed to be 10+3.

Practically - painkillers, pads, plenty of easy things to eat (I've had very little appetite but when I do eventually feel hungry I want something quick and easy).

I've been signed off for a couple of weeks and have spent the last 3 days attached to the couch and a hot water bottle.

Because it was a mmc I have an appointment for surgery next week but I think it could be over before then.

I really hope your scan surprises you and you don't have to go through this.

bassetmum · 01/02/2017 21:12

Hi mouse. We were on the same ttc thread together. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how badly you wanted this baby. If the healthcare professionals are not too concerned maybe that is a good thing. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster
MouseLove · 01/02/2017 21:19

Thank you. Means so much, everyone is so kind. I've had some more heavier spotting tonight. It's weird. It's only when I wipe but much like the start of AF. I feel calm right now. I really hope I can sleep tonight as I didn't last night. Thank you all again. X

OP posts:
HeyJupiter · 01/02/2017 21:22

I'm so sorry to read this Mouse, and that you have to go through this Flowers Be kind to yourself x

LoobyLou0226 · 01/02/2017 22:10

I'm sorry I can't offer much in the way of advice but just wanted to say im so sorry you are going through this it really is unfair. Sending you positive thoughts and hoping its good news tommorow

Sapphire1983 · 01/02/2017 22:43

Thinking of you, Mouse, and will be tomorrow as well. Flowers xx

Original poster
MouseLove · 02/02/2017 11:58

Baby doesn't have a heartbeat anymore. They have taken some more bloods and a provisional second scan to confirm on Saturday when we will take a decision on how to manage the loss. But It's all over.

Thank you so much for all of your support. It wasn't my time. But I am determined not to give up. I will get there. X

OP posts:
DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 02/02/2017 12:02

Mouse sending you my love. So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself. Fingers crossed for you when you are ready to try again. Give yourself plenty of time. Flowers

meladeso · 02/02/2017 12:08

I'm so sorry mouse, what sad news Flowers

I had a very early MC 18 months ago, and later had a successful pregnancy. Not much help to you right now but I hope it gives you some comfort that you will hopefully do the same in time.

So sorry for your loss x

kep1979 · 02/02/2017 12:08

So sorry Mouse. FlowersFlowers

Helbelle75 · 02/02/2017 12:46

So sorry to hear this. Make sure you take the time you need to grieve and talk about it as much as you want on here. There is a miscarriage and loss board, which is really supportive.

NovaArt3mis · 02/02/2017 12:49

So sorry to hear that mouse

bassetmum · 02/02/2017 13:02

I am so sorry mouse. Look after yourself.

Sapphire1983 · 02/02/2017 13:08

So very sorry, Mouse. Take care xx

jld128 · 02/02/2017 15:06

so so sorry xxx

Gingerbreadmam · 02/02/2017 15:26

Hi mouse i was on your antenatal board. How are you coping?

Was this your first pregnancy?

Have you had chance to think about how you will manage the loss?

My first pregnancy was an mmc, in fact the statistics for first pregnancy ending that way are high. The good news is you now know you have an underlying condition which can be treat. Also, after mc you are usually extra fertile. I was pregnant again 6 weeks after my treatment and that was waiting for af first.

There is a great board on here called ttc after mc you will get a lot of support on if you choose to ttc again and once you get a bfp there are lots of us on the pregnancy following mc thread. Those ladies have kept me sane.

Anyway, thinking of you. I tried all methods after my mmc and would happily discuss if it would help?

kep1979 · 02/02/2017 15:39

I found the mc board on here really helpful, it was cathartic to talk about the details with those going through it or who had just gone through it.

So so sorry for your loss

Original poster
MouseLove · 02/02/2017 15:40

Thank you everyone. I'm doing ok. I'm sure I'll have my moments but right now I'm staying positive and keeping strong.

My HCG has dropped to around 1000 today, I just phoned EPU to get my results. I have another scan on Saturday to see if I have naturally passed my baby. At the moment I'm not bleeding heavily at all. Only light spotting but red/pink since Tuesday. I'm not leaving anything on a pad. (Sorry tmi)

This was my first pregnancy, long awaited, surprise conception, I thought it would take a lot longer than 4 months. We had been on the journey for 3 years. I lost 2 stone last year in preparation. My thyroid was only treated in the past 2 weeks. They have said it was probably the cause.

I'm guessing it classes as a missed miscarriage. EPU said they would discuss options on Saturday. They've given me something to read. I don't want to pass it naturally or with a tablet if I'm honest. I think that would break me.

Parents are upset, Mum blames herself, DH not doing too well, but understands this is nothing we could have prevented.

I want to get my health stabilised and my issues sorted before TTC again, I don't know how long that will take but I'm hoping not long. I'm eager to go again, this won't stop me, ive always wanted to be a Mum.

You ladies have been wonderful. It's certainly easier to cope with your support. Thank you.

OP posts:
Redpony1 · 02/02/2017 15:41

So sorry ML Flowers Flowers

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