Waiting for it to end

[MouseLove]

I'm sorry this is probably going to be a sad one but I just need a little advice.

I'm 9+2 today and waiting for it to end. I believe I'm miscarrying.

After a 3 year journey of heartbreak and circumstance changes, job loss, depression, positive lifestyle change and weight loss, we finally conceived our first baby on cycle 3 of actively TTC. Something we've wanted desperately for the last 13 years.

I found out I was hyperthyroid and began medication in week 7 of my pregnancy. Had a scan and found baby was alive and well. We saw a heartbeat but baby only measured 2mm and 5 weeks. It didn't feel right despite the doctor telling me everything looked perfect.

Last night I came home from work, cramping all day, to brown discharge, and pink spotting. It became a little heavier but not really blood. More like heavy spotting. Midwife suggested I visit A&E. so we did. They tested my HCG levels. I didn't lose anything else last night.

I had my booking appointment on Friday and my HCG was only 3007. Last night it was 4770. A 58% increase in 4 days. And sooo low for my 9 weeks LMP, 7 weeks from conception.

More spotting on wiping today and cramps and I feel like I'm waiting for it all to end. I have a scan tomorrow morning. How will I cope. DH isn't doing too well.

I've not slept or eaten and trying to come to terms with what's happening, does anyone have any coping advice please?

Thank you. X

From my first scan which showed mmc i had nothing. Little bits of discharge here and there.

It can go on for a very long time. If you feel your mind is set on surgery i will add that i ended up with that after trying all other routes and it was completely pain free, barely any blood loss afterwards and i wish i had requested it right in the very beginning.

I'm so sorry Mouse

I'm glad you're feeling positive about continuing to try (when you feel the time is right) and I hope very much that you get another BFP quickly and a smoother pregnancy with your thyroid issues under control. I'll be thinking of you.

So sorry mouse. Re getting your health sorted, I think my thyroid problem is the opposite to yours, mine is under Active? Anyway, I got the diagnosis and started medication the day I found out about this pregnancy, and 6 weeks later tsh was in a healthy range - so thyroid issues can respond to medication very quickly x

I am terrified of passing the baby at home. I'm in a lot of pain and weak and I'm bleeding more now. Not heavily really as it's probably like a normal period and more when I wipe. I have another scan tomorrow but it's obvious what's happening. It's possible I might be able to have an op on Monday but it's not for certain. I hate this waiting. I don't know if I'll last that long. EPU have suggested A&E if the pain is too much but I know they will send me home to pass naturally. It's the last thing I want. I'm so scared. 😢

mouse if it happens at home you will cope i promise you. Just be kind to yourself. Have you thought about the practicalities?

Have painkillers, pads, hot water bottle close to hand. I also had a lucozade to pick my sugars up.

It might not happen tho in which casw hopefully they will get you in monday.

What are your pains like?

gingerbreadmam's right. You will cope. Your body kind of kicks into auto pilot and knows what to do. I'm pleased (in an odd sort of way) that I passed mine at home. I felt a real bonding with my pregnancy and baby, and a sense of closure. It sounds odd, but I don't even look back on it with bad memories. It was a journey my baby and I took together.
We're here for you if you need to talk.

I passed the baby at hospital. I ended up in A&E and after some stronger pain meds, my bleeding slowed and I was able to give the remains to the doctor. They were wonderful, gave me a cup of tea, and an option about what to do next.

We chose to have baby cremated after tests and they scatter on their rose garden.

I still have my scan tomorrow morning to make sure I've passed everything. I'm feeling ok, much better in a bittersweet way. Pain has subsided and the uncomfortable feeling has gone. I'm heartbroken but I'll survive.

Thank you for all your support. I'm sorry if this update has upset anyone. X

I'm glad you found support at the hospital. Thinking of you.
Just take whatever time and support you need.

mouse I'm so sorry to hear it's over for you, you are strong and brave and in time you will feel ok again. Sending you both love and just the biggest hug you can imagine xxx

I'm sorry you're going through this mouse :(. I just wanted to send you well wishes and hope it's all over quickly for you. I had a mc too last July with first ever pregnancy and it is utterly crap. I bled for 16 days passing naturally at home but by the sounds of it hopefully the worst is over for you now. On the plus side try and remember that you can get pregnant and it happened quickly for you. Hopefully you can get treatment and monitoring for next time now when you are ready, take some time for yourself and take it easy. I got a BFP again in September and am now 23 weeks so fx for you. The ttc after mc threads are a great support when you do start trying again and there is also a section on here for miscarriage and bereavement where you can talk to others who've been through the same. Hope everything goes well for you tomorrow x

mouse im so sorry. The worst, physically, is over now.

Look after yourself and take some time to grieve. We're all here for you.

I remember that heartbreak,it feels like nothing can take it away.

Be kind to yourself and i hope dp is taking good care of you.

mouse I'm so sorry. We were on the ttc thread and then the grad thread together. I don't have the words to express how sorry I am for your loss. Be kind to yourself. I dont believe in the whole "it was meant to be", its not and it must be heartbreaking for you. I'm so sorry. You will be a great mum one day.