Telling your family pre-12 weeks

[mummabubs]

Hi everyone, new member and first topic I've posted but couldn't find another thread asking about this...

This is my first pregnancy and I'm 5 weeks today. My husband and I live 150 miles away from either of our families, so only see them about every 4-6 weeks. My youngest sister is flying out to Australia next week (no return flight booked as she might be out there a while) and we're very close. Husband and I are going home to visit our families weekend (would be 5+6 by the time I see them). As time goes by I'm feeling more strongly that I want to tell them this weekend. Although I'm naturally scared of miscarriage in this early stage, I feel that if I did miscarry it would be easier for me to talk about it if my family had already known I was pregnant. (My first visit to the GP today asking for reassurance resulted in him responding that more than one in three miscarry, which I'm not convinced is correct as NHS website says one in six, but it sufficiently terrified me). I also feel strongly that as much as it would be nice to wait and have a scan pic and the security of waiting 12 weeks I'd find it really hard to tell my sister by text or Skype and not be able to be with her when we share the news. Husband is supportive in me wanting to tell people early, as long as his family are told at the same time too he's ok with it.

So I was wondering: for those who did decide to share their news earlier than the traditional 12 weeks, how many weeks were you, what was that experience like and would you choose to do that again? Pros/ cons etc. Thanks all xx

We told people pretty much straight away with all 3 of my pregnancies.
I work with some carcinogenic drugs so had to tell my boss so I could avoid that part of my work.
I also had HG from 5-6 weeks all 3 times and there wasn't any hiding it after that anyway, I was throwing up 30 odd times a day for months

I told everyone practically as soon as I had a positive test! I wouldnt hide a miscarriage so didnt hide my pregnancy either, but thats just my personality - you have to do whats right for you.

My partner and I told his parents and my mum the day we found out I was only 3 weeks gone but we told the rest of our families at 14 weeks after my 1st scan if I'd had it my way everyone would have known when I found out if u want to tell people go for it u can't let what ifs stop u from living your life. Enjoy ur pregnancy and ur baby when he/she comes

I did so much research as have had 2 miscarriages around 5 weeks. Consensus is it's around 1 in 5 but the risk does drop sharply every day at the stage you're in. I found this site reassuring. Put your own dates in and it works.

spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php

We told people early with the first one and it was difficult to tell them that we'd miscarried, I found it easier with the second just to talk about the miscarriage rather than having announced the pregnancy, but you have to do what's right for you! For sure, if I was staying with people, I'd let them know. In fact we were on holiday with two friends when we found out about the second pregnancy and they were in the end the only people who ever knew about it in advance.

I'm just open about it now. We tell people we're TTC. We tell people we've had miscarriages. It doesn't have to be a big secret :)

Coming at it from another, unusual, angle. I recently terminated for medical reasons (chromosomal).
I really really didn't want to have to discuss it with people (strong minded relatives etc.). But our parents knew we were expecting. And so did some friends. I didn't feel strong enough to debate what I felt was absolutely the right decision for us, but which many people are strongly opposed to.
So have had to fudge it. And eg my MiL (who my DH told about the tfmr) kept texting to ask what she should tell people.
So that is a very rare occurrence that you might want to consider as an unlikely possibility. Good luck and congratulations

I told my mum and dad within a few days of finding out. DH and I were so excited, there was no way I could have kept it to myself. Plus if things had gone wrong, it would have been much easier with that support already there. Everyone else was told after 12 week scan. I'd definitely try and take the opportunity to tell your sister in person.

You do what's right for you both, there isn't a right or wrong in these situations. I work in a situation where we have to tell colleagues early, and did get a few of the unhelpful you might miscarry comments, mostly I think from people who had miscarried trying to be kind but it really is a pointless thing to say.
With the miscarriage facts For any pregnancy it's 1 in 6 but for each persons first pregnancy it's slightly over 1 in 3. Hope that helps xxx

I told our close family as soon as I had a positive test. I definitely would have needed the support had anything gone wrong.
With regards to those statistics it's that one in every however many PREGNANCIES end in miscarriage, not one in every however many women miscarry, so that includes women who have had multiple miscarriages, the statistics aren't as scary as they seem. Good luck!

I've always thought the 12 week thing is very silly, especially as the first 12 weeks (well weeks 4-12) are often when you are feeling really rubbish with morning (all day) sickness etc. I told people more or less as soon as I found out, and told my boss when I was 7 weeks.

It's a very individual decision, but FWIW my husband and I told our respective families early on. We had a (private) 8 week scan and, since everything seemed good at that stage, we told a few people then. By that point, the risks of miscarriage (if you have a healthy scan that shows a heartbeat) are nearly as low as they will ever be, so we figured it made sense - and we thought our families would be sympathetic but not fall apart themselves if things went wrong.

It would have been very hard for me to keep it to myself, to be honest, as it is our first and we were so delighted. Now 24 weeks and there would be no prospect of keeping it to ourselves!

I think I was on the 26th day of my cycle when I tested positive and told my sister straight away. Also told my parents within a couple of days of finding out. So I was probably 2 weeks pregnant at that point .

As it turned out, I did have a bleed at 5+4 - I didn't tell anyone I'd had a bleed until I'd had a scan at 5+6. At that point, they told me it was twins - and being a twin myself, I immediately told my mum and my twin even though we didn't know what had caused the bleed and whether both twins would be viable. My mum (lives abroad) flew home so she could go to the next scan at 7+5 weeks with me and she saw 2 flickering heartbeats.

I have never understood waiting to tell people - I understand that some people are very private and perhaps don't want to worry their relatives, but I think by sharing early, especially in my case, I got support and my family got to experience the joy and excitement too.

I wish I could tell my family. It would be fine to tell most of them, but the problem is then I would feel I had to tell my dad too, and he is the biggest gossip in the world and is incapable of keeping a secret, no matter how big or small. If I told him in the morning, all of his friends and colleagues plus the postman and a few random strangers he'd passed in the street would be ringing me up at lunchtime to ask how I am. I think that would be overwhelming so early on. I've fallen foul of this in the past with other big secrets! So for now, it's just me and DH who know. It's whatever's right for you and your family.

First up - congratulations!!!! I hope everything goes well for you, the good thing is more cary to full term than don't but it is worth having your eyes open. I was ready for children long (years long) before my husband was, and the two and a half years it took us to concieve felt like forever. When I discovered I was expecting it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I was on cloud nine. The hardest words that have ever made it from my lips came when I was stood on my second bottom step in my hall facing my mum who had just come in and as she said the usual, how's you / how are things / whatever he greeting was - my eyes filled I said "I was pregnant. And now I'm not" as I broke down. It was awful for us both as it was the finality and reality of it for me, when you say it, it's real, and for her it was shock as she had no idea. Tell your support network, you don't need to tell the entire world at the moment, but tell those who you need to support you in the good and the bad times.

Telling people early does not increase your risk of miscarriage. I told my family the instant I found out by sending them a picture of the pee stick! I was too shocked to speak to anyone. Work also found out about 9weeks because I was feeling so sick. Don't let that idea of you have to wait until a certain date get stuck in your head.

congratulations!
I don't think anyone has yet made the point that some people don't want to be told about early pregnancies because THEY feel the burden of worrying about it, especially if the convention for them and their peers was not to announce pregnancy until into the second trimester. (My mum is one such person - "why would she tell me this so early"...) This is not very fair, but I wanted to warn you just in case you got the reaction from someone in your family.

Ivf baby - 10trs ttc and 5th attempt to get first ever bfp

Scanned early as ivf are and told dad at 7w. He was a bit shocked and think also worried as such early days but explained that if the worst happened then he and others would know why so distraught

Df wanted to shout from Rooftops so again after telling dad we did the friend and fb announcement

Again same reason as dad. Everyone knows what a struggle we have had so if a mc then would understand why upset

Thankfully all ok and I'm 32w preg with bubs

Great news Blonde!

Thanks again everyone, I've read every single response and feel so lucky to have had so many replies. Thank you for sharing your stories with me.

We've decided to tell my family this weekend, but even though we're seeing my in-laws on the Sunday we'll wait 'til 12 weeks with them- a bit like you say puddock, my husband and I both know that if we told my mother-in-law and then miscarried she'd find it really difficult to cope and I'd find it more stressful trying to make sure she was ok than actually processing it myself. I know my family would be supportive and feel confident that they'd be people I'd want around me if a miscarriage were to occur (although I am starting to read the stats with a touch of skepticism, so thanks for all who have reassured me that they might not be as horrific as my GP/ some sources make them sound). Today I am pregnant! Night night from me and bubbabean