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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

At what stage do midwives care about you?

64 replies

Hollyhop17 · 30/12/2016 08:46

I am 11+2 and just returned yesterday from a week in NY where I spent most of the time in hospital due to two separate bleeds. I have had numerous scans and the baby appears to be doing ok but obviously I am very worried. They told me in NY I was having a threatened miscarriage and I should seek help as soon as I arrived home. I left a message for my midwife yesterday when I landed and she rang me back this morning and basically couldnt have cared less. She said that I would have an appt at 16 weeks and they would check on me then. That was it. I am so appalled I am sat here crying. I really thought the NHS would care more and I would get an appt straight away. I assume because its early still they dont care if I have a miscarriage? How many weeks do you have to be gone before you recieve proper care? I feel a bit lost for words at the callousness of the call

OP posts:

kirinm · 30/12/2016 09:49

Why did they think you'd be classed as high risk? So many people experience bleeding that I can't imagine that alone would mean you're high risk. Hopefully the EPU will be able to offer you some reassurance - the EPU is actually an amazing thing the NHS does offer. It is there for people who are not yet seeing a midwife regularly so actually, it is the very definition of what you didn't feel like you were receiving.

Buttwing · 30/12/2016 09:52

Holly i really hope everything is well with your scan. I had a massive bleed at 9 weeks with one of my pregnancies and I was sure I had lost my baby but all was well and she's eleven now so everything crossed for you.

I've had four babies and three miscarriages. Unfortunately there isn't that much support for miscarriages and midwives can be a bit blasé but as others have said if it's going to happen there is nothing anyone can do to stop it so this is why they are not rushing to see you, it really is just a case of sitting tight.i know this doesn't make it any easier for you though.

I've had good care during my pregnancies and exceptional care during one. But there just isn't the resources for women to get the care that most people expect. However all the midwives I've had to support me during my births have been bloody amazing and that's when I really needed help and support.

PberryT · 30/12/2016 09:54

No one has said your complaint is trivial. But you seem to have expectations that are way above what the NHS offers. If you had no expectations why start the thread?

I've experienced bleeding in early pregnancy, the NHS scanned me and said all is fine. I then got on with my life (albeit slightly worried at times).

Posters are pointing out that there is very little the NHS will do apart from scan you. Seeing a midwife won't be a magic cure to stop a misscarrige. More women bleed in early pregnancy than don't.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/12/2016 09:58

Sorry you're going through a rough time. I was scanned for a bleed at 9 weeks on the NHS. I was told if there's a heartbeat at 9 weeks you have about 90% chance of continuing the pregnancy, which was a massive comfort. DS is one now. I hope it all goes well for you

lougle · 30/12/2016 10:02

Sadly, until 23/24 weeks, pregnancy is deemed non-viable so unless you have a medical complication, any miscarriage will be allowed to complete. If you have a threatened miscarriage, they may be able to halt it in the latter weeks, but what they can do is limited even then.

For that reason, the only reason they'd get involved is if it is causing a medical problem to you as the mother, such as infection or excessive bleeding.

Blueroses99 · 30/12/2016 10:03

Mention the short cervix at EVERY appointment. There may be a pre-term surveillance clinic that you can be referred to, push for this to be as early in the second trimester as possible. Sadly I didn't know I had a short cervix until my son arrived early at 21wks A stitch would have saved him. I self-referred to my local pre-term clinic as soon as I became pregnant again and they are seeing me at 13 weeks.

haveacupoftea · 30/12/2016 10:06

I'm 18 weeks and have found my NHS care to be great so far, my midwife has been genuinely lovely. I'm sure they won't mind if they ring and ask if you can be referred to consultant led care and if not, let them explain why not - the criteria for consultant led care is different here. Tbh I have a consultant and I couldnt tell you her name, the midwives do the vast majority of the work.

I am sure you are very worried, but I imagine the medical staff in the states are really lovely whereas here we have more sort of matronly types with a 'get on with it' attitude. Tbh that approach works well for me as if someone is nice and makes me think there is a cause for concern I can get a bit hysterical and it makes things worse

I'm sure you'll be happier after you've been to EPU, their care is fantastic.

LuchiMangsho · 30/12/2016 10:07

I am writing this from an antenatal ward where I have been admitted as a high risk pregnancy (Grade 4 Placenta Previa with plenty of bleeds) and will stay here till I deliver, possibly for up to 10 weeks.
I think you need a booking in appointment first. This happens at around 10 weeks.
Then you typically get a scan at 12 weeks. Are you booked in for this? This is a dating scan and they should pick up on a short cervix.
A shortened cervix is cause for concern but bleeding in the first trimester doesn't make you high risk per se. It is v unlikely you will see a 'specialist' as soon as you land unless, again there are real risk factors. To put it in context I saw a fetal medicine specialist for the first time yesterday and I am 25 weeks and I have been high risk for a while. IF you need a cerclage at that point they will refer you to a specialist but other than that there is no clinical indication that this is necessary.
Having had 1st and 2nd trimester losses (and a baby) the thing is that there is a system that you have to slot into. So you contact your GP who makes the referral and it all cascades from there. Some EPUs will not offer early scans and some will. So your scan should offer some answers. But while the midwife could have been more caring she is not fundamentally incorrect.

LuchiMangsho · 30/12/2016 10:10

I am in a big London teaching hospital and the midwives are fab. But they are very very busy. The people on my ward have complications that make me want to cry for them. These are people whose babies are past viability but most likely, like mine will end up in NICU. So your complaints are not trivial but at 11 weeks other than the cervix there isn't much they will do. Even when I bled at 19 weeks they were worried about consequences of a haemorrhage for me (and the need for blood transfusions) but were honest and blunt that they couldn't save the baby.

Original poster

Hollyhop17 · 30/12/2016 10:24

I have usually found the mumsnet community lovely so am quite surprised at the number of what I feel are mean and cold comments on here. I have just had my scan and an exam and they arent worried so I am feeling better. The baby is measuring what it should be and has a heartbeat. For those who have posted nice and supportive messages, thank you. Much appreciated.

OP posts:

PberryT · 30/12/2016 10:27

Holly you are (understandably) very sensitive right now. People haven't been mean or rude, they've just told it like it is.

Glad everything is OK with your baby.

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 30/12/2016 10:27

I think it's really tough when it's your baby and you just want someone to do something. I think the NHS need to communicate to expectant mothers a bit better what to do with bleeding- on another forum I'm on someone is having an extremely early miscarriage and has phoned EPU and been told they can't do anything yet there are still forum members encouraging her to go to A&E. Just makes it worse

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 30/12/2016 10:28

I cross posted- great news OP!

Lilly948204 · 30/12/2016 10:28

I had a missed miscarriage in my first pregnancy and a threatened miscarriage at the start of this one (I'm now 21 weeks.)

Unfortunately other posters are correct in saying there really isn't much they can do. Realistically there is no point in you being in hospital because you will just be taking up the bed space of someone who can be helped.

The process with my threatened miscarriage was as follows. I started bleeding at 3pm and I called my GP, they got me an appointment to see a doctor at 5pm. She checked me over to make sure I didn't have any signs of an ectopic pregnancy, diagnosed it as a threatened miscarriage and then booked me a scan at the EPU. The earliest they could get me in was two days later. At the EPU they were brill, checked me over made sure baby was ok and couldn't find any sign of where the bleeding came from. They told me to call again if I had any more bright red fresh bleeding but other than that not to worry as bleeding in early pregnancy is very common. The next time I saw anyone in the NHS was for my 12 week scan several weeks later and then my midwife appointment at sixteen weeks. Like you say they scanned you in NY and baby looked fine and you haven't had any more fresh bleeding so now it really is a case of wait and see what happens. I understand how truely scary this is for you but there honestly isn't anything else they can do and it's not going to be that they don't care but there really isn't much more they can do xx

Madshiplollipop · 30/12/2016 10:30

So glad you've had good news OP. Keep well.

Lilly948204 · 30/12/2016 10:31

Also Holly I don't think people have been mean or nasty to you, they are just being realistic about what you can expect. I'm glad the scan has reassured you, all the best for the rest of your pregnancy xx

Frazzled2207 · 30/12/2016 10:32

Really pleased you and baby are ok. Noone was triviliasing anything, and the midwife was definitely unhelpful, but sadly if you were miscarrying it is a fact that there was likely little if anything could be done.
But you did get a scan which had now reassured you (I hope) which is the best possible news you could have.
Most midwives are helpful and compassionate. Hopefully next time you see one you'll have a more positive experience.

kirinm · 30/12/2016 10:34

Did you mention the short cervix issue?

Blueroses99 · 30/12/2016 10:34

Luchi lucky you to be somewhere that measures your cervix at the dating scan. I'm also in London but my area don't routinely measure cervix unless there is an indication such as previous cervical surgery or prior loss I've been measured in my current pregnancy and it takes seconds so I'm v upset that I had to lose a baby because the measuring is not routine.

Holly great that you got a scan and the reassurance you needed. If you are continuing your care on the NHS (as opposed to returning to NY? Not sure if that was a holiday or where you live?), make sure you are booked in with the midwives and book a routine 12 week scan.

Original poster

Hollyhop17 · 30/12/2016 10:56

I did mention the short cervix and again they said it wasnt an issue at this stage. They have been brilliant in bstoke epu so I feel reassured. I will mention it at my 12 week scan. They said it was 2.3 so I think its only just short.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 30/12/2016 11:01

I'm sorry you've had a horrible time. In 2000 I had a midwife casually tell me, on the phone having never met me, that I was probably miscarrying and I'd be sent to hospital for a d and c. Bye.

Some midwives are utterly callous. Some are wonderful. Was always the way.

Snowflakes1122 · 30/12/2016 11:05

Glad all was ok at your scan. It's pretty alarming when it happens, especially in another country.

I have 3 children and pregnant with number 4. Bled in all of them, including 6 weeks non stop bleeding with my ds.

In america they tend to over medicalise birth and pregnancy in general, so I would take the high risk comment with a pinch of salt.

Bleeding is scary but pretty common.

PotteringAlong · 30/12/2016 11:16

No one has been mean or cold to you my lovey; we've been realistic and not told you what you wanted to hear, which was how dreadful your care has been when, actually, it's been no such thing.

annlee3817 · 30/12/2016 11:33

Not to freak you out, but 2.3 is quite short at your gestation, I was 2.4 at 21 weeks and went down to 2.1 at 24 weeks and had to have steroid injections and then progesterone pessaries for the remainder of my pregnancy in case of preterm labour. I would contact your midwife again and insist on being referred to a consultant. My cervical shortening was due to having abnormal cells removed from my cervix nine months prior to falling pregnant.

annlee3817 · 30/12/2016 11:33

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