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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Will people judge me, young and pregnant?!

43 replies

babyunicornvomit · 08/12/2016 17:58

I'm 20 and a couple months pregnant. I've only told close friends and my boyfriend, my parents don't know yet as I don't see them often. Everyone I've told is overjoyed, and I can't wait, and I'm in a situation where my boyfriend and I are very happy and believe we could fully support a child - he's older than me, a uni grad and has a good job. I'm just worried when I tell people they might judge me for being young/unmarried etc. Obviously this won't detract from the happiness I have from having this little family on the way, but it still worries me as I always thought I'd be much older and married, but this feels completely right. Thoughts please?

OP posts:

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justinelibertine · 08/12/2016 18:01

Congratulations! Not going to judge you one bit. 😊

SallyInSweden · 08/12/2016 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBreadIsEggy · 08/12/2016 18:03

Arseholes will judge.
But that's all they are: Arseholes.
I was 19 when I married DH, fell pregnant with DD a few weeks later. Then fell pregnant again when she was 8 months old. DD is 19 months old now and I have a 7 week old DS as well. Some people look at me like a piece of shit, others have tutted at me when I'm walking on a narrow path with my double pram But those people don't matter. What matters is your baby is fed, clothed and loved by its parents, which I'm sure he or she will be!
Congratulation

Ohdearducks · 08/12/2016 18:04

Congratulations, we are all judged all the time for one thing or another So don't give it another thought and enjoy your pregnancy and your new baby

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 08/12/2016 18:07

Don't worry about it. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind.

I had my son at 21 and was worried I would be judged for being in a new relationship with a divorced older man with two teenage children. We are still together and just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.

Kel1234 · 08/12/2016 18:22

People will always judge everyone in some way, unfortunately it's part of life. If you're both happy then that's all that matters. And no one should make you feel as though it does it should. And not being married really doesn't matter these days.
I was 21 when I got pregnant. We then boyfriend and I decided to try for a baby after only being together for 2 months. But we knew it was what we wanted. I conceived 4 months later. We then got married within a year. (Literally decided to try, conceived, got engaged and got married within a year of being together- got married on the exact date we'd been a couple for 11 months). People of course said it was way too soon, but we knew it was right for us, which is all that mattered. Within a year and a half of being together, we had our first child, and couldn't be happier, and plan to have another in a few years.
About people who judge you- I say prove them wrong. Best thing you can do

skyyequake · 08/12/2016 18:28

I fell pregnant at 20 too!

Yeah people will judge, and it sucks because you're young enough to get that stereotyping bollocks but too old to qualify for Young Parent stuff that children's centres do (typically for under 19s).

BUT who gives a monkeys about what judgemental twats think you can still be a good parent young! It can be tough, especially if none of your friends are at that stage yet, but there's a lot of opportunity to make "mum friends"... Not saying ditch your old friends it's just nice to have a few who get the whole parenting thing 😂

Anyway, congratulations you'll do fab and don't let the bastards grind you down!!

WeeCheekyBird · 08/12/2016 18:31

20 is still an adult and as long as you can be the best mum you can be it doesn't matter :)

You're doing good; partner with a good job, good settled relationship etc etc. There are people in their 40's having kids with less.

You'll rock it, and if people are going to judge you based on your age and not your abilities, they're not worth a second thought.

Chottie · 08/12/2016 18:34

I was pregnant when I was 20 too.

DD is now 39 :) congratulations

BratFarrarsPony · 08/12/2016 18:36

As others have said, once you are a parent you will be judged anyway...
Congratulations!
I think this is a great age to have a child, as you will have the energy to deal with broken sleep, and will be young enough afterwards to build a career...

5OBalesofHay · 08/12/2016 18:47

I had my son at 20 on my own. Some people judged me but they were twats so who cares. My son grounded me and is a huge part of why I have been successful in life. At 20 I had awesome energy and belief that I could do it (and loads of support)

Congratulations, enjoy it.

Catlady100 · 08/12/2016 18:58

Congratulations! I'm 37 and wish I had done this when I was younger! My mum was 19 amd it's been great being closer in age to her x

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 08/12/2016 21:29

Congratulations. Through life there will always be people who judge you. I got married at 18, DPIL disowned us (judged) pregnant at 22 I'm now 42 (still married to same gorgeous guy) and have 4 children. Someone commented a few weeks ago " four children?, rather selfish" so still getting judged. If people do that, they're just arses. Don't give them a second though. Many best wishes for your future

ConvincingLiar · 08/12/2016 23:36

People will judge you whatever you do. Don't invite it.

LondonRoo · 08/12/2016 23:42

Oh yes, some people will definitely judge you whatever you do. Their opinions don't count! As long as you are happy with the decisions you are making that's all that matters.

Congratulations!

usual · 08/12/2016 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname · 08/12/2016 23:46

Congratulations

Of course people will judge you. Like other have said you'll be judged for everything now. So do you know what you do? Be the best mum you can. Show them that age is just a number.

I had ds1 at 19. People judged. Especially my family.
Now I get a LOT of comments about how lovely ds is. How well behaved and how 'wonderful' our bond is. except from my dad's family. Nothing I do will ever be good enough for them

Congratulations again

Graphista · 08/12/2016 23:58

Congratulations

Yes - but ignore them.

You get judged no matter what.

I got judged for

being an older mum (29 but from a background where that was unusual)

Staying veggie while pregnant

Having a c section (even though we'd both have died without it)

Breastfeeding past 6 months

Not weaning till 6 months (advice at time was 4 months)

You'll be fine, most people will hopefully be too polite to say anything and those that do - well then they've shown their true colours.

MINIgiraffe · 09/12/2016 04:59

SallyInSweden's reply says it all Wish I'd read it just before I had my first age 20 + 3 months!
Best of luck with everything OP

BeingATinselTwatItsABingThing · 09/12/2016 05:09

I was 19 (nearly 20) when I had DD. It took a while for DP and I to come to terms with it but then we were as happy as if we were 30.

I'm sure people judged me but I couldn't have given a shit! I reckon I'm judged a lot more than others because I look a lot younger than I am.

Congratulations!

5to2 · 09/12/2016 05:15

Congratulations! Unfortunately when you become pregnant/a mum you apparently become public property and every Tom Dick and Harry suddenly crawls out of the woodwork and has an opinion on what you should and shouldn't be doing. But it also makes you grow a much thicker skin.

Some people seemed to behave as if I were so young and feckless when I had DD1, and I was 29 and married! People can be ridiculous. Hope it all goes well for you, OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2016 05:28

I find the easiest thing is not to give a crap! People judge women and particularly mothers constantly. Which means it's an act of feminism to reject that noise.

Enjoy. You'll soon have lovely baby cuddles!

torroloco · 09/12/2016 05:40

Doesnt matter what you do- somebody is always going to have an opinion. Your still only young OP so naturally it is something you are going to worry about- but my mum once told me:

In your 20s you think everyone is talking about you
In your 40s you stop giving a shit
And in your 60s you realise nobody was talking about you in the first place

Its nobody elses business and dont waste your time worrying about what other people think- at the end of the day you will only make yourself unhappy if you do

intheknickersoftime · 09/12/2016 05:47

I think there are a lot of positives in having your children as a young adult. You will definitely have a lot more energy than 30 something mums. I had my third at 37 and was completely knackered! Congratulations, you will be a great parent as will your partner.

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 · 09/12/2016 09:45

Yep, judgers will judge :) I used to get all kinds of weird looks out and about alone heavily pregnant at 21, but when I was accompanied by my husband the stares turned into smiles, people are batshit crazy.

congratulations, concentrate on how you feel, not others who dont matter :)

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