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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Thought in finding out the sex or not

49 replies

SunnyDayDreaming101 · 06/12/2016 12:44

Hi all,

So my DH and I are having this debate just now. We decided against finding out and our 20 week scan was tomorrow. I have now had to delay it for a week because of work and I'm back to not knowing if I want to know!

DH wants a surprise but will be happy to find out if I want, I just don't know! Is the surprise worth the wait? Or do you think it's better to be organised? I just don't know

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GreedyDuck · 06/12/2016 13:51

I really enjoyed the surprise, and being told by my dp, although there were certainly points during the pregnancy when I wanted to know, and I did have a lot of scans so could have found out at any time really. It was amazing to be able to ring my parents and the rest of our families and tell them as well.

There was no surprise with my nephew, we knew his name and sex in advance, and saw a 3d scan so had seen his face...no mystery at all!

But I think most people find out now, because we live in an age of instant gratification and nobody can bear to wait for anything any more.

FlipperSkipper · 06/12/2016 14:05

Finding out made it a lot more real for me. It certainly wasn't about instant gratification. Only my husband and I know the sex, we're not telling anyone else until the baby is here.

wishparry · 06/12/2016 14:10

I found out both of mine.it's good to be prepared.also I considered it to be a lovely surprise when I found out the sex during my scans.

StefCWS · 06/12/2016 14:10

I had HG (severely) and welcomed the 20 week surprise. It broke the long haul 40 weeks up a bit for me. sister in law didn't find out, she is happy she went that way. It totally depends on your personally hun, your carrying it. xx

WhatKatyDidnt · 06/12/2016 14:13

I loved finding out the sex at birth. So glad we waited both times. As for being organised, just buy a couple of packets of unisex babygrows - job done.

drinkyourmilk · 06/12/2016 14:43

I was desperate to find out, my husband was dead against but said he would go along with what I wanted. Half way through the 20 week scan I shouted out that I didn't want to know . Don't regret it. Although I'm only 23 weeks so plenty of time to change my mind again.

Helbelle75 · 06/12/2016 15:44

We wanted to know, but baby wanted to keep it a secret, so we're still none the wiser! We have a healthy baby though, so that's good.
I'm actually not that bothered now about knowing - I think it will be lovely to have a surprise.

fluffandsnuff · 06/12/2016 15:49

Found out and didn't regret it- I felt like knowing something about him made it easier (I could start calling him his name in my head before he was born for example). I like to be in control and there are so many things that can't be controlled in pg, birth etc.

JoandMax · 06/12/2016 15:52

We didn't find out for either DC and loved the surprise! Didn't find it hard to get organised or bond with the bumps.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way - it's totally what your gut feeling is.

TheNaze73 · 06/12/2016 15:52

Everyone will be different here I think. I wanted the surprise & nothing would have persuaded me to know before the birth

Pineappletastic · 06/12/2016 15:56

We didn't find out, but that was because it honestly made no difference to us. We were going to have a jungle themed nursery and bright babygrows no matter what.

I hate pink, and it prevented people buying us pink things for a least a while, obviously we could have kept it a secret, but it was easier to just not know.

ScarletSienna · 06/12/2016 15:58

My thoughts leading to finding out were:
-it's a surprise whenever you find out so not an issue
-we need the time to think of and agree on a name
-I want to refer to the baby by name rather than 'it' at least in my head and between my husband and I

Absolutely nothing to do with instant gratification.

SuperUnicorn · 06/12/2016 16:05

Our hospital won't tell you. We had a private scan at 16 weeks and found out at that. I was keen to know, my husband wasn't too fussed. We have had a difficult road to get this far and it just helped things become a bit more real. Since we found out my husband has been much more excited, although whether that is the knowing or just having had the extra scan and all looked good I'm not sure. I'm pleased we did it.

ChocoChou · 06/12/2016 16:08

I would always find out... but that's mainly because I really really want a boy so if I had a girl I would like to be prepared and get excited about it before she was here. Would HATE to have even the slightest bit of surprised-disappointment when baby arrived

UpLighter · 06/12/2016 16:08

We didn't find out, i didn't want to, until our baby girl was born on Sunday. It was amazing having a look and finding out ourselves!!

UpLighter · 06/12/2016 16:11

Funny you say that Choco we felt the reverse. The surprise and immediate love meant there was no disappointment that we kinda wished for and expected a boy and had a girl.

Ilovefffffffridays · 06/12/2016 16:13

There are very few surprises in life.
I loved finding out at the birth, did with all 3dc- the guessing/wondering during pregnancy was fun too especially during the last long months.

HeddaGabbler · 06/12/2016 16:18

I found out at the 20 week scan. I had a very stressful pregnancy, it had been touch and go. I had also had previous losses. So for me finding out the sex gave me a little ray of sunshine & something to focus on.

GinIsIn · 06/12/2016 16:21

We chose to find out and I'm so glad we did! We were convinced we were having a girl, so although I'm not disappointed in any way that we are having a boy, it did come as quite a shock and it's been good to have that time to get used to it whilst we wait for him to arrive!

Ilovefffffffridays · 06/12/2016 16:34

There are very few surprises in life.
I loved finding out at the birth, did with all 3dc- the guessing/wondering during pregnancy was fun too especially during the last long months.

raviolidreaming · 06/12/2016 18:40

Finding out made it a lot more real for me. It certainly wasn't about instant gratification

This for me. I've had a difficult time TTC and in early pregnancy. I find it insulting and offensive to be accused of seeking instant gratification by wanting to make things seem real - and to have a focus before the scan which wasn't just the terrifying list of anomalies. It's been lovely referring to the bump as 'he' and thinking about names. It was a huge surprise during the scan that he's a he, and I can't see how meeting him will be marred by lack of surprise.
It's a personal decision and each to their own, so let's not sit in judgement of those who don't do what we do.

haveacupoftea · 06/12/2016 18:47

I will be finding out, I don't see the benefit of waiting. I don't really like surprises.

peppatax · 06/12/2016 18:49

I'm torn as first baby with DP - both have DDs from previous and I found out and he didn't with respective DDs. Now it's the other way around and he wants to know and I don't! We're not sure what to do as he won't be able keep it to himself.....

MrsGB2015 · 06/12/2016 18:50

I loved knowing so I could plan the nursery and clothes and only argue about one set of names!

BobbieDog · 06/12/2016 18:58

I found out with dd who is 4 and im finding out if possible at my 20 weeks scan next week.

Actually i really cant wait to find out, there is no way i would be able to not find out till birth if the facility was there to tell me much sooner

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