Thought in finding out the sex or not

[SunnyDayDreaming101]

Hi all,

So my DH and I are having this debate just now. We decided against finding out and our 20 week scan was tomorrow. I have now had to delay it for a week because of work and I'm back to not knowing if I want to know!

DH wants a surprise but will be happy to find out if I want, I just don't know! Is the surprise worth the wait? Or do you think it's better to be organised? I just don't know

I've always said I would never want to find out the sex. I was adamant. My husband did at the first scan (we had it late so we could of), and again at the second scan. I said no so we didn't find out. We had to have a growth scan at 37 weeks as I was only measuring 30 gestation. The first thing I said is "we don't know the sex and don't want to know until the birth".
I just got neutral stuff to take to hospital and got a neutral pram and car seat. Then I simply kept the money aside, and went to get all the rest of the stuff, including more clothes after the baby was born. And we weren't doing a nursery so didn't have that to think about.
When the baby was born, and the midwife told us and I had this tiny baby in my arms, the surprise was so worth the wait. My husband was glad we waited in the end. When we have another baby, we won't be finding out again.
I think it's much nicer to find out at the birth then have your baby in your arms, rather find out early and go home with just a picture. (But that's just me(.

We didn't find out with the first but did with the second - both were lovely! Don't think it matters to be honest just which you think would be the nicest timing for you and your DH.

Congratulations xx

I didn't find out with dd and it was lovely having dh announce that she was a girl. As soon as he did I responded with 'of course she's a girl' even though I didn't know. I just felt like I'd known all along even though I didn't. This time dd wanted to know so we found out. I'm having another girl and utterly thrilled. It's made no difference to my pregnancy at all. Just as special as the first time.

I found out both times.
My friend had a C section under GA, she woke up and was told the sex all groggy and disorientated and found it hard to process. What was supposed to be a magical moment just wasn't. It also seemed everyone else knew before her.

I found out with all 3. No regrets, although I was quite surprised at how judgy some people were about it !

What I do recommend is that if you do find out, don't tell anyone. I told on number one and felt there was no real announcement to make after he was born. Plus it can drive some people mad knowing you know the sex and they don't 😀

They don't always get it right Then you really do get a surprise

Didn't find out with either, I liked the guessing and surprise that surrounded it. Plus I was never going to rush out and buy a load of pink or blue clothes (didn't do that when they arrived either).

I do find it a bit disappointing to know everything before the baby is born. If you know the sex, the name and have seen the 4D scan, what else is there to announce?

We didn't find out and the birth was really quite traumatic ending in an emcs. My clearer memory from the whole pretty awful experience is the paediatrician announcing that she was a girl. Not knowing helped keep me going. Also the medical staff all love it when you don't know. They all came to check up to see what we had and it was lovely.

I am incredibly proud that my DD has a lovely colourful wardrobe of gender neutral clothing (mostly sourced from the boys section, I have no idea why babygrows with chickens/bears/seagulls are only for boys).

I do find it a bit disappointing to know everything before the baby is born. If you know the sex, the name and have seen the 4D scan, what else is there to announce?

I certainly wouldn't have not found out just to protect others from disappointment. I've got my work cut out managing my own feelings - I can't try and second guess others so I can manage theirs too.

I'm not having a 4d scan and we're not telling people the name, but not to save a big announcement; we don't like them and we don't want people's opinions respectively!

I didn't find out with ds, and am pregnant and haven't found out this time either. It's incredibly tempting though!

At my 20 wk scan for my current pregnancy, I was on my own. They asked me if I wanted to know, I said oh I really don't know! She didn't ask me again and didn't tell me so that was that!

I had ds by elcs and was a bit out of it, they literally showed me his bits, but I struggled to understand what they meant! It wasn't bad or disappointing though, just took me a while to process.

I had the harmony test so found out that I was having a boy at 10 weeks. I ended up having a difficult pregnancy and I think it actually made it harder knowing the sex, although with the ridiculous amount of scans I had it would have been obvious at some point!

I've still bought neutral clothes and this baby girls' room is duck egg blue. Finding out sex doesn't mean assigning a colour scheme (unless you want too!) We were inundated with pink within hours of dd being born even though we hadn't found out before hand. This time people have bought a wider range of colours despite knowing we are having a girl. It really is up to you. You can't really get it wrong because it's lovely both ways.

I'd say if you can hold on for the surprise at the birth then do it. You can't reverse the decision of finding out if you have already checked at the scan. I didn't find out with either and i think the best bit is finding out and meeting your baby all at the same time.

I have found out all three times. It helps me to prepare and bond with the baby x

It'll still be a surprise, just 20 weeks earlier. I loved finding out at the 20 week scan - so exciting. My mil said we had ruined the excitement of the birth by finding out early but I figured actually having the baby would be exciting enough. I was right.

We weren't that fussed when the sonographer just couldn't tell us at the 20-week scan, but five weeks later we had a private scan to find out. I was absolutely convinced I was having a girl and needed it verified (or not!) I'm now 30 weeks and knowing we're having a daughter has really helped me 'bond' with the wriggler.

It's not about 'instant gratification' at all. Nothing about any of this process is instant! Plus, I completely disagree that there are 'very few surprises in life'...I'm constantly surprised!

Interestingly my FIL doesn't want to know and that's been quite difficult...we haven't kept it a secret so everyone's desperately trying to make sure he doesn't find out. It means we can't talk as openly about 'our girl' as we'd like and I feel he's missing out...my parents really love getting excited about their granddaughter.

We didnt find out. There were a lot of babies in both familes at the time and all boys so I didnt want the 'oh another boy in the family' comments. I knew it was a girl though, it just felt like that.

Didnt stop DH announcing 'its a boy' when DD was born though

I was desperate to know with DC1, but it was hospital policy not to tell parents at the scan. I did chance asking the sonographer if she could see, but she just told me 'I've got more important things to do than search around looking for willies!'

I was convinced I was having a girl, so got a real surprise when DS1 popped out. Looking back, I think the sonographer might have been giving me a hint!

I did found out at the scans with DC2 & DC3 - at a different hospital. It was nice knowing, too.

Hmmm, I didn't find out with dd but I did with ds.

If I had another baby I would find out. I just felt more connected with ds. It's hard to explain. We kept it to ourselves though.

We found out first time I wanted to know and husband wasn't too bothered. Still didn't know what she looked like till she arrived
We are TTC number 2 and think we will find out again mainly because DD1 is desperate for a sister so we can prepare her if it's not!

I kept it a surprise. Even though there is only two options it can be I just found it amazing to be told he was a boy! I'm sure people get that same feeling during the scan, for me I just enjoyed never having a concrete plan for clothes, names, and thinking about our life was totally unknown.

We've picked his clothes as we've gone along because I didn't want lots of whites/beiges so that was quite fun to do during the early weeks. Lots of nights spent online shopping during cluster feeds.

I wouldn't find out for a 2nd baby either.

We were undecided going into the 20 week week scan so we asked the sonographer to write the sex down and seal it in an envelope for us. We didn't open!! I loved the surprise and my husband got to see our son first and tell me the sex which was lovely.

I found out with the first two but didn't with my third as it was a different hospital and they didn't disclose it. I really missed not knowing. I didn't particularly find it a surprise because seeing their wee face is all you really focus on. I just felt like I wasn't prepared for him, his sex is part of his identity so I took my little sewn up butt of to Tesco on the way home from hospital to buy him boys clothes. I made sure I found out with my fourth. I could identify with him more, name him, buy his own clothes and not just generic, neutral ones.

We found out at 20 week scan and agree with PP it is a lovely surprise whenever you find out. We enjoyed watching the scan images closely for clues - actually, it would have been hard to miss that it was a 'he' The hospital had a video screen for the parents to watch so anyone who doesn't want to know must have to be pretty cautious looking in those circumstances.

We chose to find out because it did make it feel a bit more real to us, and I like referring to baby as 'he' rather than it or they. We'll also shortlist names but keeping them to ourselves and won't choose finally till we meet him. So there'll still be plenty to announce - most importantly, his safe arrival (I hope).

Whatever feels right for you is best choice!