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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

3 yo toddler in delivery room

35 replies

Saku · 05/12/2016 20:05

Hi All,
I m 36 weeks prg with my 2nd... I have 3yo DS.. my first DS was born on 37th week as my waters broke..

Basically we husband and wife and DS .. only 3 people family live here in UK.. my parents and in laws live in another country.
DH parents are supposed to be here on my delivery .. and already applied for Visa ... .. If it does not get rejected and everything goes fine then they will be here in by my 39 week.. and can look after my first child when I will be in hospital on my due date..

But as my due dates are coming near I am panicking if everything will not go according to plan.. how my DS will be handled?? can I take him with us to hospital/delivery room.
there can be 3 situations

if in laws dont get visa they have to apply again and it will take another 2 weeks means on 40th week they get visa then they have travel time also
If I go into labour before my due date Or in emergency labour.
One of DH friend have given us reassurance that they(he and his wife + 12yo son) can look after my DS when we will be in hospital. We trust them also. But they live 3 stations away from us by train. if I go to labour.. my husband will have to leave me and travel to them to drop DS to them ... which I know he will not leave me in pain and as my DS delivery process was started at 4 am in morning.. we dont see us going to them. I will like DS to be with us in the situation when no one will be there to look after him.

Is anyone faced the same situation? can we take our toddler with us to hospital ; if situations doesnt do our favour??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

annlee3817 · 05/12/2016 22:02

Would it be possible to have a home birth or maybe hire a doula to be at the birth with you in place of your husband?

StillaChocoholic · 05/12/2016 22:05

Ask your midwife for some advice on this because she'll know best what they may say in hospital about your son being there. She may have some pretty useful advice as well.
Also as pp said, have you considered home birth?

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2016 22:10

I think that would be pretty scary for a 3 year old. I think if it came to it then your husband would have to look after 3 year old and you'll need to be looked after by the midwives.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 22:13

I think that would be really traumatising for a child, although I appreciate you are between a rock and a hard place. I would go in on my own and leave him with my DH before I took my toddler into a labour room...

Original poster

Saku · 05/12/2016 22:56

Hi thanks for suggestions..
for my first pregnancy itself I wanted water birth but they did not allowed it(because of my sickle cell blood) and referred to hospital birth... Therefore I am sure they will not allow me home birth.

I also dont want my son to look me bleeding or birthing ... it is just because in case we dont get anything worked out....Giving birth on my own without DH is something I cant imagine....if my husband will be in hospital .. and keeps coming and going. I can see him... It will be a huge support for me as I will be knowing that DH is there .. near by me just out side the door .... or just in the room corner ; if I will be doing OK...
as in many of my scans I just took only my DS with me .. while I lay for the scan.. DS used to sit on a near by chair playing with his toy on his own... but this time DH also be with him to look after.. and some food/snacks for both of them.
Am I missing something.. Are hospitals allow child in hospital/labour room?

OP posts:

Alorsmum · 05/12/2016 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality16 · 05/12/2016 23:02

Sad fact of being a parent. You have to always put them first. If you have to give birth without your DH present then so be it. I never questioned it when my others were born, if I went in the night I was going alone as DH would have to stay with the others. As it turned i went in one night to be induced alone, laboured it all night alone and DH made it for the birth in the morning bc DC's were in nursery by then. But yeah your DC now takes priority over you

messystressy · 05/12/2016 23:05

This happened to me (no family) and at the hospital, my DS was getting very scared and upset as I started labouring and was in pain. I ended up giving birth without my DH (who looked after DS)...not ideal, but actually was fine. I think a doula is a good option too, or private midwife (although very pricey!).

BubbleGumBubble · 05/12/2016 23:06

I dont think a 3 yo will be allowed in the delivery room but I could be wrong.

He will be allowed in the family room with DH I think.
You could be in labour for hours OP not fun for a toddler plus it could be a silly time of night.
For your DH to pop in and see you frequently that may mean leaving your DS alone as the nurses are not there to baby sit they have a job to do.

I am afraid you may have to accept you may have to give bith alone or have a bith doula with you.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/12/2016 23:06

How long was your first labour? If it was really quick then you might need to take DS with you but labour without DH in the room. What additional risks does Sickle Cell present? Haemorrhage?

counttotwenty · 05/12/2016 23:06

Hopefully your inlaws will have arrived so this won't be an issue.

If they don't, though, I'm afraid your ds won't be allowed in with you so will need to be looked after by your dh. As difficult as it will be for you, I'm afraid your ds will have to come first. A few people have mentioned a doula. That sounds like a good idea, though if you're already 36 weeks you need to get searching quickly.

Duckstar · 05/12/2016 23:09

I am almost certain the hospital won't allow your toddler in delivery room. They will tell DH to sit outside with him. I gave birth to DS2 on my own (premature and rapid labour). It was fine. The staff were so lovely - I didn't feel alone.

NerrSnerr · 05/12/2016 23:14

I know the idea of giving birth is scary but you have to put his needs before you. We're in a similar situation, if all goes to plan it will be a c-section and our daughter will be in nursery but if I go into early labour it may have to be me and the midwives.

SummerRains · 05/12/2016 23:18

I hope the visa comes and all is well.
At my hospital definitely no children on the labour ward or in the delivery rooms. I did see the odd child in the family room waiting for grandparents or friends come to get them but they had to be looked after by their dad until they came as no hospital staff free to do that.

I had to go into a high dependency unit in my last pregnancy and they did not allow children on that ward sadly and we had no childcare for a day until grandparents travelled to stay with us, so I was on my own.

Your friends may well be able to have your 3 year old as unless you labour quickly there should be plenty of time to get there and back. I would certainly travel happily and wake in the early hours for my friends in those situations.

All the best.

Original poster

Saku · 06/12/2016 00:08

I am a Thalassemia minor/carrier(blood condition).. It does not affect on anything as my husband blood is clean.. but still they did not allow me water birth for DS.. 37 week water broke at 4 am morning ..labour was induced .. got epidural and a long 14 hours of labour, lots of stitches.

I feel.. for me doula will not be any help as I see her similar stranger as other midwives present there.. and I know I will not be comfortable as I would be to DH (Even I will not be comfortable to any one including my MIL other than only 2 person DH or my Mom she cant come also for same visa reason)

With all your lovely suggestions I am feeling a little bit confident to be alone for a while ... plan will be ..we all 3 go to hospital.. then I will be alone for a while .. by that time I will ask DH to drop DS to his friend house.. and come back.....(I know he could miss DC2 birth by this time I will be alone).. but will not have any other option..

Hope in laws will come home by that time and can look after DS at home.. then no issues.. I am panicking more; how much I think about it

OP posts:

MrEBear · 06/12/2016 00:18

How about you call your friends and get them to get a taxi to your house to collect 3 yo then you can leave for the hospital at the same time?

I doubt hospital would allow a young child in the labour ward. And even with a straight forward birth I think it would be traumatic for the child.

Nuggy2013 · 06/12/2016 00:33

I was in a similar situation 5 weeks ago (got a lovely 5 week old DS now!) and hospitals will not allow children in delivery room for various reasons. Taking your condition into account, you can have a home birth as long as you're aware of risks or agree to labour at home which may or may not give your DH time to drop your DS off at friends house? Talk to your midwife and be very candid because they will have dealt with similar situations before, best of luck OP!!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 06/12/2016 00:40

Yes as EBear says, put some money aside for your friend's taxi or DH drives DS to them whilst you stay at home. You didn't have a rapid labour last time so you probably have 6+ hours from it starting. If it ramps up faster then you call paramedics.
And the midwives will do their best for you if you go in alone.
Do you have any local neighbours or friends who could sit with DS or you in an emergency? People will help when it's a crisis.

Alorsmum · 06/12/2016 04:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICJump · 06/12/2016 04:44

I would have had my 4 year old with me in the birth centre if I had laboured during the day with DS2. But I wouldn't have had him in a standard labour room.
I attended my first birth when I was 2 and had been to several birth by the age of ten.

In your situation could you ask your friends to just come to the house ? I've been a back up support for several birthing women and would have travel hell and high water to support them if needed. When I've been asked and accepted I know it means being on call.

sqidsin · 06/12/2016 07:50

I would speak to your midwife at your next appointment. I remember mine said that they would prefer me to bring DC1 with us than wait before coming in (we were expecting a quick labour after experience with DC1!). She said that DC1 would have to stay in the waiting room with DH though.

However - I would strongly consider leaving DC1 with your DH at home. When it comes to it, it is likely that DC will be distressed when they realise something is going on and become extra clingy (mine did). In that state you may feel more comfortable leaving them with DH than a friend they may not be comfortable with. Then you will be able to "relax". (!) more in labour knowing they are happy.

Helspopje · 06/12/2016 07:55

Totally not the point of the thread, but being that trait shouldn't have any impact on your birth plan whatsoever.
Am slightly at the description of not being a haemoglobinopathy carrier as being 'clean' tho

MissMooMoo · 06/12/2016 10:02

Fingers crossed your in laws will be here and will be able to look after your son.
I would def mention it to your midwife.
Does your son go to nursery or a childminder? Some childminders will take children under these circumstances ( I work in childcare and def would!)
Do you have any friends at the nursery who may help out with your son until your friends are able to take over?

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 06/12/2016 10:21

If you're worried about him missing the birth then why not get him to take the 3yo to your friends before going to the hospital instead of bringing him to the hospital with him and leaving sometime later?

Once labour has progressed enough to be in hospital you will be in a fair amount of pain and discomfort. It could be quite upsetting for a child to see their mother in that state. I know my own DS who was 2 at the time was extremely worried about me when I went into labour with his brother and we had to wait for MIL to make the 3h 30m journey to us to look after him. He could see I was in pain and he was really quite upset and confused about it.

Amithenormalone · 06/12/2016 10:24

You really need to speak to your midwife. At our hospital no one under the age of 18 is allowed in the delivery room.

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