Depression & don't want to be here

[Summer1979]

I'm 27 weeks. I've been struggling with depression since the break up of my marriage 2 years ago. I have a lovely 7 year old boy.
I became involved with a man I'd known many years. He moved in and I accidentally fell pregnant whilst taking the pill. He begged me to abort. I couldn't. He rightfully said I'd struggle with my mental health.

He left. 3 months later he returned. Though he didn't seem happy and we had argued. He has left again.

I can't concentrate at work. I am struggling to concentrate all the time. All I can feel is his baby jumping around inside me. All I want is him to love us and help us.

Today I got sent home from work. I stood on a rural motorway bridge for 2 hours. I just wanted to jump. But knew it was wrong. I text him told him it's a cry for help and would he help me. He told me to go home.

Well I am home now.

I am struggling financially. I feel like a complete pathetic loser and I'd give anything right now for someone to tell me they love me and it'll be OK.

In short I don't want to be here anymore. I'd ideally like to have my baby. Give her to someone who can be better than me then just pass. My little boy would be happier with his Dad I'm sure.

I did call the samaritan's but I'm too in a state to speak and no words came out. Just feel like I'm a useless person.

You are not useless. I really hope you read that and you know that even though I don't know you, I mean it.

Can you go to your GP or midwife today? Or call them? You need an urgent referral to the wonderful perinatal mental health team. They are there to help women like you (and me). The help is there; please, please reach out for it.

I am holding your hand. Things were quite bad today as you were standing on a bridge. Do you think you could call your midwives or doctor and tell them?
Things like depression and anxiety can flare up in pregnancy and there is lots & lots of help and support out there. You don't have to go through this on your own

Do you have parents or anyone you can talk to in RL? Perhaps your sons dad?

Trust me your son will NOT be happier without you, he needs you.

I really hope you can get some help to deal with this depression

I was very depressed when I was last pregnant and although it doesn't feel like it, this is your hormones talking (not to discount the real problems you have described) and it WILL pass. Please please please make an emergency appointment with your GP or midwife and make sure you make it clear how bad you have been feeling and tell them about what has happened today. The GP can also sign you off work if you are too poorly to be there.

You need support and there is support out there. If you don't get the support you need from your GP or midwife, call your local Mind and see if they can help you get this in place.

Do you have any friends or family you can speak to?

It may not feel like it at the moment but your son would not be better off without you. He loves you and would be lost without you. You are his mum.

Sending hugs. People care. You are not alone.

OP! I just want to put my hands around you & tell you it'll be alright.

Depression is horrible & I get exactly how you feel, when me and my DP split, he told me he didn't want to see me again and said it would be best if I found someone else to raise the baby! I despised him for this because I just wanted someone to love me.

Please don't think about suicide (I know it's hard no too) your baby boy would miss you horribly and your baby wouldn't know their mum!

Please go and get some help! You need it & most importantly you need a hug! Sending you lots!! Xxxxx

your child would NOT be better without you.

Neither of them. Please go to the doctor and seek urgent help.

No one is useless if they have a friend and if you are loved (and your kid loves you) you are truly indispensable.

I haven't been in your exact position but I've been in your state so many times before and I know how hard it is. No ones words will make this any better but please try to read them. You are not useless. Life does get better. You are amazing. To your son, you're the world. He needs his mum and you need him. It's heartbreaking to feel like that, I really do know, but what you're feeling will pass and it's time you get to your GP and talk to them urgently. That's what I did and that's why I'm still here now. I had meds after meds until I found something that worked but I'm living proof that it does get better. Please ring out of hours xxx

Thank you all for your kind words. I've tried and failed to see a GP this morning. I did talk to my mum she's very supportive but just slags him off which isn't the point at the moment but a kind gesture. I'm going to try and see a midwife today I feel like such a drain on everyone's time.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected], which might be easier if you found it hard to speak to them on the phone before.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.