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Original poster

Coming to terms with likely C-Section

38 replies

chloechloe · 08/11/2016 19:35

With DD1 I was induced because of placental insufficiency but had to have an EMCS before I even went into labour as she got so distressed. It was a huge shock which took me a while to get over as it happened so fast and wasn't something I ever imagined happening to me (naive perhaps!)

I'm now 33w with DD2 and the same issues are cropping up again, so it seems unlikely the baby will be able to cope with the natural labour I desperately want.

I know the most important thing is the health of the baby and that I'm lucky to be in a part of the world where these things are picked up and a CS is an option.

But I'm still so disappointed and upset that I may never experience a natural birth as I would love to bring the baby into the world myself.

Has anybody else been in a similar position and what tips would you give for coming to terms with it?

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:

Trulyamnearanear · 08/11/2016 19:45

I'm still fingers crossed for a vbac (hate hate hate hospital inpatient) but interestingly a doctor friend of mine is planning an elcs after emcs. She said the risks of rupture were a concern (don't know if that's specific to her situation). But it's making me think.

Metalhead · 08/11/2016 19:52

This is probably not going to help you, but IMO natural birth is so overrated! If I could go back in time I'd gladly never do it naturally. Even if you did get an unassisted vaginal delivery (like I had with DD1), the experience might be very far from what you imagine it to be.

Good luck, and I hope you can make your peace with whatever will happen!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/11/2016 19:54

You WILL be bringing a baby into the world yourself, the doctors will be assisting you right at the end just as they do with many, many vaginal births.

Trifleorbust · 08/11/2016 19:56

Whatever happens, you grew the little person inside you! There is nothing more special. I know this possibly doesn't compensate for any disappointment you might feel but I hope you can keep it in mind

kiki22 · 08/11/2016 20:09

I had a forceps delivery with ds1 it was awful I decided I wanted to do the whole natural hippy dippy home birth thing second time I done all the hypnobirthing, got the pool, home birth kit delivered then at 39+3 I had to be induced due to reduced movement. I ended up having the same problem as in the first induced labour so I opted to go right for the c section and honestly it was fine so much better than the first time.

I think because I was prepared that it might not go to plan and had already decided I wasn't going to fuck about waiting I was calmer, also there was hours and hours to go before things got dangerous so though it was technically and emergency it did not feel it everyone was relaxed where as with ds1 it was so tense and everyone was rushing about it was terrifying.

If I was ever to have another I would have a planned section because I know I would likely need assistance again, I sort of feel like my section healed me psychologically. I would also recommend avoiding pethadine type drugs if you are worried its better when you have a clear head my psychologist recommended it to help me be calm and focus im so glad I did I had g&a then when it became to much right to the epidural.

seven201 · 08/11/2016 20:20

I had a planned c-section (for complications) and it was amazing and my recovery was quick. Hopefully this time yours won't be an emergency as it doesn't always have to be a stressful experience. If I have another I am leaning towards requesting another c-section. Have you heard of natural caesareans? Not my kind of thing but it's where they open you up and sort of get the baby wiggle out of its own accord to replicate natural birth more.

MissBeehiving · 08/11/2016 20:25

I would agree that I found a VB to be vastly overrated. And distinctly less preferable than an elcs. With a elcs I felt in control and informed. It was a really lovely experience - a bit like flying business class 😉 - pre surgery appts, music in theatre, consultants operating and personal attention from the very lovely anaesthetist. I felt very spoilt.

Boosiehs · 08/11/2016 20:30

I wish I hadn't had my first "natural" birth. It was bloody awful and I am still having problems 3 years later.

DS2 and his elcs was flipping marvellous. I don't feel bad that he didn't have a "natural" arrival - I'm just glad he isn't scarred the way DS1 was and neither am I (mentally that is.) :)

Good luck op.

Butterpuff · 08/11/2016 20:37

I'll be having an Elcs in 4 months Acer an Emcs with my first. I'm also disappointed that I won't get to experience virginal delivery. However I will do anything for the health and safety of my baby. Knowing I'm doing the best I can for them is all I need to be content with the situation

AlchemySchmidtsSmile · 08/11/2016 20:40

Natural Birth Sucks. I have a broken fanjo, scar tissue, a prolapse, PTSD and PND because of it. Lots of gynaes choose an elective because of what they have seen. Car crash is not the word.

RandomDent · 08/11/2016 20:45

I wanted the whole essential oils/born on a bed of woven lentils kind of birth. I had two c sections and was upset that I'd never even experienced a single contraction! Years later I am vaguely wistful, in a "I wish I'd visited the Maldives" kind of way. But definitely over it. Time will make your upset fade and the real life of kids will make it a distant memory.
Also a planned section is much calmer than an emergency. :)

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 08/11/2016 20:46

Sounds like you are disappointed OP. Would it help you to think that having an ELCS is doing the right thing, the selfless thing, the best thing for your baby?

Congratulations on your pregnancy, enjoy your babies

InsaneMummyOfThree · 08/11/2016 21:00

Hi, op I kind of understand where u are coming from. My first was induced then ended in emcs. 2nd was born 12 months later by elcs as I was just so scared of the whole giving birth thing as we almost lost 1st. 3rd time round I was more relaxed and really really desperate for a vba2c and to go into labour naturally has I'd never experienced this before. I did loads of research and battled with the consultant to be "allowed" to try naturally. I even had acupuncture to assist me with going into labour naturally. It all worked and my wonderfully beautiful contractions started on their own, I even got to experience my waters breaking but then nothing!!!! I stopped dilating at 7 cm and was rushed in for another emcs. I'm now expecting baby number 4 and would love nothing more than to do it all naturally but I know that it would just be for my own selfish want of a natural birth. Iv come to terms with the fact that a c section is probably the safest way for me to bring my babies in to the world. It doesn't mean I'm any less of a mother. An elcs does have its pros and is much more relaxed. Let go of the guilt, if this is the safest way for ur baby to be born then so be it. X good luck for the future.

SheepyFun · 08/11/2016 21:01

I had an elcs with DD (she was transverse). I admit to having a little cry when I saw all the posters about the birthing centre at the hospital (I was also admitted for the last 10 days of my pregnancy, so I had plenty of time to admire the posters!). What helped me was knowing that this meant I'd have a live child. I've spent time in the developing world where every family I asked had lost at least one child, a good few because they couldn't get to hospital when labour went wrong, and a c-section was needed.

Fluffsnuts · 09/11/2016 08:43

Natural Birth Sucks. I have a broken fanjo, scar tissue, a prolapse, PTSD and PND because of it. Lots of gynaes choose an elective because of what they have seen. Car crash is not the word.

This, with bells on. I wish I'd stuck to my guns about wanting an elc and not bought in to the wonderful experience bullshit. I'll never have another child due to how horrific it was.

Barefootcontessa84 · 09/11/2016 08:58

I'm in the same position. I think instead of holding onto the idea of something that may really not happen as you anticipate, I have been focusing on what is safest for the baby. Getting him/her out safely is a lot more important than feeling like you may have missed out on something.

QueenRefusenik · 09/11/2016 08:59

Another thumbs up for elcs here - I don't feel any less a mother for it at all!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 09/11/2016 09:03

I had an EMCS after induction and completely understand your feelings. One of the reasons I only have one DC was birth trauma.

However from talking to friends it seems a planned C section (which I think is what is under consideration here) or at least a situation where you know there's a likelihood of a C section is a different kettle of fish entirely, because you stay in control. You make the choice ahead of time, based on the best outcome for your baby. Very different from the panic and discussions you have when suddenly an EMCS is on the table.

And of course you're bringing the baby into the world yourself! You made him or her, you grew them - you're just getting a bit of help at the end, as we all do

choccybiscuit · 09/11/2016 13:02

I've had two emcs and was really hoping for a vba2c, but this thread has given me something to think about. I have heard that a third section is much harder to Recover from though

Dontfencemein · 09/11/2016 13:20

I had an emergency C section with DS 1 because he got terribly stuck and instruments wouldn't budge him. I'd really hoped for VBAC with DS 2 but for various reasons it was not to be. Everyone is different but I told myself the following

the decisions were made on medical grounds and with good reason. If I had pushed for a VBAC against medical advice and something had gone wrong, I would never have forgiven myself.
it is a brief moment in time. I look at my children now, aged 3 and 9 months and know that the mechanics of how they came into the world are totally irrelevant.
I worried about C section, especially an elective, being huge shock for the baby, and it is, but there is no reason why you shouldn't get skin to skin really quickly, it's really important in those circumstances. This will be really healing for you both.

I saw a counselling midwife at hospital a few weeks before delivery and it really helped.

fruitpastille · 09/11/2016 13:36

I've had 3 c sections. I wanted a vba2c for the third but baby was breech. In fact I feel lucky as my scar would certainly have ruptured according to my surgeon. So I just feel glad that dc and I are all fine! Now it seems so distant i don't know why I was so bothered about it beforehand. How you bring them up is more important than how they arrive.

notfromstepford · 09/11/2016 16:05

I've had 2 c-sections. DS1 wouldn't have survived a natural birth because he was so tiny and they had to get him out quick at 35 weeks.
DS2 because of complications with DS1 was always planned as a ELCS but they brought date forward from 39 weeks to 37 weeks.

Both are happy and healthy and wonderful. I've never felt short changed not having a natural birth. I just accepted that this was best for my children and I didn't find that a problem to deal with.

In fact the second c-section was great - knew what to expect, it was very calm, and the anesthetist took some lovely photos while I was still on the operating table of me, DH and DS2.

It doesn't matter how they come in to this world, the fact remains they are born, you are their mum and you do what's best for them and for you.

VeryPunny · 09/11/2016 16:15

Done both - an EMCS and VBAC. EMCS was due to DD being breech - we knew ahead of time and I was so upset by the concept of a section (drank the Hypnobirth kool-aid) that I (with the full support of the medics) went for a vaginal breech delivery. DD got stuck mostly out and given you can't use forceps on a bum, i had an emergency section. Which was utterly fab - skin to skin whilst being stitched up, massive rush of love, the works. In hindsight I think my judgement was clouded by the natural birth lobby and after a debrief I realised that there was an element of good fortune - a section with a baby in DD's position is NOT straightforward and it would have undoubtely have been easier for all to have an ELCS. That said, my recovery was quick and very easy.

Had VBAC with DS. ANd you know what? It was okay. No angels singing from heaven, no empowering OH MY GOD AREN'T I AN AMAZING MUMMA feelings, but a "natural" birth. I was a bit incontinent for a few weeks.

ConvincingLiar · 09/11/2016 16:17

I imagine being born is a huge shock regardless of method. There are no prizes for pain and suffering other than a baby. Please don't get wound up about something that does not matter in the long term to your child.

bonzo77 · 09/11/2016 16:19

choccybiscuit recovery after my 3rd cs was probably the easiest.

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