Coming to terms with likely C-Section

[chloechloe]

With DD1 I was induced because of placental insufficiency but had to have an EMCS before I even went into labour as she got so distressed. It was a huge shock which took me a while to get over as it happened so fast and wasn't something I ever imagined happening to me (naive perhaps!)

I'm now 33w with DD2 and the same issues are cropping up again, so it seems unlikely the baby will be able to cope with the natural labour I desperately want.

I know the most important thing is the health of the baby and that I'm lucky to be in a part of the world where these things are picked up and a CS is an option.

But I'm still so disappointed and upset that I may never experience a natural birth as I would love to bring the baby into the world myself.

Has anybody else been in a similar position and what tips would you give for coming to terms with it?

Thanks for reading!

Thanks bonzo that's really reassuring. I think i may sway to elcs now, especially as I know that this is definately my last child.

I'll join the voices saying that VB aint all that. I had my daughter naturally, no drugs etc and it wasn't a super wonderful magical experience... it was awful! And you dont get a prize! I'm pregnant for a second time (twins) and I found out today I will be having a c section and I am so happy. Honey you HAVE brought this baby into the world yourself, you created him, you've grown him inside your body and you will spend the next few decades looking after him.... which exit he uses is absolutely irrelevant in my opinion!

Had and EMCS with DS and booked in for an elective with DD in 2 weeks!

Your body has grown a human being - that's bloody amazing! Who cares how that baby comes out - it's just one day in your child's life. It's all the days, weeks, months and years that come after that matter so much more and are what being a parent is all about!

I can understand the disappointment, but really I know very few people who had the mythical, wonderful euphoric natural birth. I do know plenty of people who have had vaginal deliveries but they have rarely been "magical" experiences!

Concentrate on what comes after the birth!

Hi ladies, OP here. Thank you so much for all your kind words, thoughts and advice! The collective wisdom of MN has given me a lot to think about!

Thinking it over, I realise that of all my friends very few have had trouble free VBs, the majority have had assistance to various degrees. The benefit of 2 CSs without any contractions is that all my bits will stay in the right place and I can join the kids on the bouncy castle

On a serious note I've taken a lot from your advice and I think a planned CS will be a totally different experience. With DD1 everything was so unexpected and fast that looking back I think I was in shock going into surgery. Whatever they gave me to calm me down (I didn't have much chance to object) left the whole experience quite a blurred memory. Hopefully I can prepare myself in advance this time and try and enjoy the experience with a clear head.

And given that I'm due on Boxing Day I can try and arrange it to get home in time for Xmas!

OP your second message made me smile. I was going to suggest you ask yourself why you so desperately wanted a VB? There is nothing inherently good in natural, you know this yourself from your placenta naturally failing on your last pregnancy. I think the Internet has created this awful echo chamber where we read glossy blogs and see empowering stories where people describe birth in near-religious tones and create all manner of expectations about the process, when really it is the outcome we should focus on. I know this because I fell for it myself.

I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm due my second around the same time and debating an elective section - best wishes for yours.

I've had 2 emcs, the first was an awful after a 14hr labour, it was a pretty traumatic experience. I desperately wanted a vbac with dc2, it wasn't to be. Exactly the same thing happened, 14 hours, back to back, failure to progress, was rushed into theatre. It was a completely different experience for me. No idea why, I just knew I could do it and have a beautiful baby. I was a touch sad that I'd miss out on natural both for a couple of months. They're 15 and 11 now and I couldn't care less anymore. I can even go on the trampoline with dd and stay dry, lol

There are very few women who can give birth without mishap completely naturally. This is why mother and child mortality was so high before modern medicine and is still so high in third world countries.

I had my son by vaginal delivery. It nearly killed me.

I had my 2 girls by planned c-sections.

I know that I delivered all 3 of them into the world. I needed medical help in all 3 cases (only the first "natural" delivery nearly killed me, mind you) but I know they came out of my body, nurtured by my body, existing because I was prepared to labour/have a forceps delivery/have a c-section.

honestly, OP, if I were you I'd schedule a c-section.

Part of the reason why I favour a VB is because I really believe it's better for the baby - they decide to start off the process and it's less of a shock to them than being surgically brought out. Then again that's assuming the scales are evenly balanced at the outset and there aren't any complications which could make a VB risky.

The other reason if I'm honest is that I'm the kind of person who wants to prove to themself that they can do it. I know there are no medals for getting through a VB but if given the chance I'd want to see if I could do it (preferably without any pain relief). In the current circumstances that would be totally selfish of me though and I would never put my own wishes ahead of a healthy baby.

I think you make a good point sycamore about the gloss that's put on natural birth. It makes those of us who are excluded from that club for whatever reason feel less worthy as mothers. Really I have to be nothing but thankful for my last CS as without it my DD probably would have been stillborn, as is sadly the case all the round the world for those not fortunate enough to have access to medical care.

You could ask for what I done I said I would try naturally buy if it wasn't going well be taken yo theatre. I went in knowing that a section was likely so when I had bad positioning and failure to progress I didn't wait I just went right down. It was so much easier and not a shock.

As I said before if I have another I would go right for the ELCS though it wasn't a bad experience giving it a go I was pretty tired by the end I think it would be easier on me physically and mentally to plan it next time.

Glad you feel better about the situation OP.

"Natural birth" has indeed acquired almost mythical status, as has the industry around it - hypno birthing, doulas, birthing balls etc etc. It is ironic that it's Western women who seem to be so mad keen on it - we can afford to be because we're safe in the knowledge that if something were to go wrong we have access to great medical care. Not so elsewhere in the world unfortunately.

Kiki ideally that is what I'd do - see how it goes with close monitoring but with the plan to go to surgery if necessary. I'm not sure how likely it is that I'll go into labour naturally before my EDD though with the placenta not functioning and going overdue and induction are both off the cards. This baby seems to be much more of a wriggler than my first though, so I'm hoping that she'll decide to make an early appearance at 38-39w!

Honeybee - I know what you mean about the mythical status! When I went to the hospital to register for the birth the midwife went off on one about how wonderful VB was compared to CS and how she was sick of having patients crying when told they couldn't have an ELCS without any medical indication. She then decided to read my notes from my first birth and asked me some questions about my current pregnancy before announcing I may as well sign the CS papers straight away .

A few days later I had a pregnancy massage with a lady who was quite a hippy doula (she gave the most amazing massage!) She told me she had the feeling that the baby was doing really well and that I shouldn't have any problems with the birth

I had EMCS and am just incredibly grateful my DS is here. On a brighter note, an impromptu trip in to Anne Summers shop with a friend reminded me of one upside. She picked up this huge vibrator and asked the assistant if they had anything wider!! she looked at me, reminded me she had 2 kids, and asked for something long AND wide!! I am also grateful for my still intact fanjo!!

Two c sections here. Two beautiful healthy babies. Fanjo intact.

Win win if you ask me.