You have read Emma's diary now read auntymandy's!!!

[auntymandy]

Emma's diary always made me laugh.

'today Paul rubbed my back' good old paul or whatever his name is.

Shall we go for reality?!!!
Would you like me to tell you about my day or ask me questions? up to you!!!

I am 20 weeks pregnant expecting baby no6!

Oh yes, would love to read Emma's Diary: The Update.

FlumpyBumpy is a 14yr old sullen goth who refuses to acknowledge her mother's presence, darling Nick has run off with Gina from the antenatal class and Emma herself is battling a valium addiction and re-reading her pregnancy diary on a daily basis to pinpoint 'what went wrong'. Now that's entertainment.

Nick ran off because he didn't like her no.1 all-over haircut...

Talk about unrealistic: Emma on having contractions ''I was scared but really excited as I knew this meant that I would soon see Flump''

Emma on gas and air: ''It really cleared my head and took the edge off the pain''

LOL at the thread!!!

Emma's diary really is a pile of crap. I bet she didn't poo herself whilst pushing or still wets herself everytime she sneezes 2 years on!

Gas and air "really cleared my head and took the edge off the pain"!! What a load of bollocks!
Mine would read "Gas and Air made me feel like the time when I was 16 and I smoked too much pot and passed out!!"

Great thread AuntyMandy.

Gas and air knocked me out completely. I woke up to the midwife asking me if I was pushing. I really didn't know what was going on and just said yes.

I just threw out the Emma's Diary as soon as I got home from my booking in appointment along with all the other rubbish that I receive on a regular basis anyway.

I havent had an Emmas diary this time!! But there again I am 20 weeks..seen midwife twice and not been to hospital!!!

Anyway my next installment!!

Picked up mindee and came home, made carrott and sweet potato soup. DH went off to work. DS3 slept all the time as he isnt well. Ate 3 bowls of soup! DS4 ate one huge bowl and mindee spat it out!! My best efforts too!!
Changed nappies and took mindee home. DS3 fell asleep. Went to pick DD ad her friends up from slepover. Came home had a hot chocolate and sat for a bit. Then went to carvery to meet my mum brothers and other halves,ate loads and had wind ever since (but dont tell anyone!!) Just waiting for dd to get ready for cadets.

Cried because DS1 told me I watched rubbish on telly!!! Why? I'm pregnant thats why so I can cry at everything I want to!!

Laughing now cos DS4 is laying on the floor coverd up with kitchen roll!!!

Dont think there will be another update tonight ladies, but you nevr know!

Any questions?

Morning all. 20+4 today. Feeling tired today.
DS knocked on our bedroom door at 5.30 as usual. managed to get him to come have a cuddle for half an hour.
DH didnt get in from work till after 1 and sisnt ome to bed till turned 3!! Have told him not to bother coming home..didnt go down too well!!! But he sleeps here thats it and it drives me mad! At least if he wasnt here I wouldnt get upset by his lack of affection, time with the kids, not letting me have a lie in!

Oh HAPPY VALENTINE DAY!!!!!

Eaten 4 slices of toast and marmalade so fa and one cup of tea!!

Done the usual washer etc!!! Will go have a quick showe or bath in a min!
Got mindee 'till 10.30 then whizzing over to my Mum's for the rest of the day!!!

Chat later.

I am so lolling at this thread!

My entry, at 25 weeks, would go like this;

Didn't get much sleep last night - my back and pelvis feel as though they've got anvils crushing them. Managed to up my 'sleeping with pillows' record to an impressive five: three to prop my head up enough to allow me to actually breath, one behind my back to stop me from sleeping on it and another between my legs, for added glamour. During the brief moments where I did manage to catch some sleep, darling husband would move his head right next to mine and snore very loudly. He also occasionally likes to make a grab for whichever of my boobs is closest to him. Staggered out of bed this morning only to be greeted by the appalling sight that is me in the mirror. All of that nocturnal tossing and turning has given me the hairstyle of a lead guitarist from a particularly awful 80s soft metal band. Or Ken Dodd. I can't decide.

evening..just finished a bacon buttie!! I am taking nutrition seriously!!!

Had a bit of an emotional day..saying goodbye to my childhood home. mum had a few..well lots of tears too!

Bump feel even bigger. Baby moved loads while I had a bath. I often think it must be like boil in the bag when we get in hot water!

Not really done much! lifted a couple of window boxes.
Eaten plenty..shouted at DH a bit..well compained at him and about him loads!!! Must stop it!!!
Catch you tomorrow!!
Unless you have any questions

Bacon buttie causing indigestion!! Or it could be the samosa I had earlier..or maybe the mexican chicken wrap or was it the 2 vieneese whirls? anyway having an hot chocolate to settle my tum!!!

up at 5 this morning!!!!

I thought I had it bad being woken up at 6am at the weekends. It's typical that I have to wake dd up at 7 during the week even though I have to be up at 6.30. Do your kids sleep through? Had a bad night with dd on Friday. She didn't sleep all day so crashed out in the car at 5.30pm and then woke up at 11pm and then went back to sleep at 4am. I don't think the neighbours were too pleased listening to her screaming til the early hours.

AuntyMandy I am shocked - you know how difficult it is for DHs to get up in the morning, especially if they have been up late dicking about with computer games or other manly pursuits.

My entry at 41 weeks:
"Baby finally arrived at 8pm. DH was sent home at 10pm. After my agonising and exhausting 30 hour labour I was desperate to get some sleep, but baby would not stop wailing unless clamped onto my breast. Spent the night breastfeeding and jiggling the screaming red thing. And the morning. And through lunch. Noted that all the other doting dads had long since arrived, and that I was the only mummy-no-mates on the ward. Became convinced that DH had been mugged on way home. Or run over. What else could have kept him away from his newly-delivered wife and first-born son? By now slightly deranged, I finally managed to negotiate the complex bedside system to call him at home. OH SORRY DID I WAKE YOU UP? YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ASLEEP FOR OVER 12 HOURS. YOU WERE TIRED? DID YOU SAY YOU FOUND THE LABOUR TIRING??? AND YOU'RE STILL TIRED??? Words failed me. He turned up 2 hours later."

I mean, Nick just wouldn't have f*ing dared would he?

AuntyMandy.... I've been meaning to tell you this from the beginning... but I actually know Emma! We were out for a bite to eat tonight.

No way Mars..she can not be real!!! if she is she will be locked up now as She must have killed Nick the D* by now!!!

Spiker think you must be with my firs H!!!!
When I went into labour with no1 he had to have a shower before we went, no2 he asked me to wait till after rush hour!!! I was released from hospital, but waited hours for him to turn up. He was never there at the beginning of visiting.

DH is much better...but he does find labour tiring..but it is hard for them isnt it?!!!
Sitting watching telly whilst we labour away.
I had to remind him and midwife Iwas there while the cozily watched Eastendenders Christmas specila!!

The "Emma" in the diary is the baby not the mum(s) who wrote it. It has been updated along the way so not quite the same as it was. But, as DD2 used to say, I do know Emma in True Life!!!

Great thread!

Aunty Mandy, I think to be truly emma-ish we need you to give your bump a stupid name. Pompy-pips or Dipsy-laa or something.

Oh ladies, I feel so much better having read some of your messages!
My life is not at all like Emmas, I'm older, bigger and wiser than I used to be!

Ihad such a laugh reading about some of the DHs. It makes me feel better as MIL keeps telling me how much DH needs to rest. Well......this isn't easy for him, is it? I always make him put his hand on my tummy when we go to bed. If the kicking is going to keep me awake, it's going to keep him awake too!

My day started at 6.30am, toddler who is just potty training, wanted to do a 'stinky' so we had to get the potty, and put him on it, and he did a stinky! What a lovely way to start the day. Lovely smell too.

Emma is the baby?? I had no idea!!

Also I feel a bit stupid - - I did think it was actually a real (if very, very annoying) mum writing it. I guess the alarm bells should have rung with the picnic entry - not so much the food (although where was the cake?) but how would the two hugely pregnant women have got back up again?? If I'd got onto the floor there was no way I could get back up without help.

How is it that even when we know these books aren't true they can still make us feel inadequate? Flicking through one of mine last week (DS is now almost 15weeks) I noticed that it casually mentions that you should have lost your baby weight by two months after the birth. Two months??!! Two months??!!!!!!! And then goes on to imply that if you haven't, that's because you are a big fatty who ate too much during pregnancy to begin with.

Now I know this is not accurate, or representative yet it still manages to make me feel a bit rubbish.

I would burn the damn thing but some of the other information is quite useful. Sigh.

(won't mention which book just in case!)

MMK, word to the wise, they turn over as soon as they think you're asleep, so if you really want baby to keep him awake too, you snuggle into HIS back and let baby play footie with his kidneys for a change

She was a real mum! It was her daughter that I was with last night.

i havent had emmas diary last time, but i have given this time. and i agree its so artificial pregnancy isnt it? i made me laugh. let us right will be best seller]grin]
i defo would like to read auntymandys what its is like having no6. has anyone had pack from lyodds is it worth, or is int bag full of rubbish and papers goes straigh t bin?

Morning all..oops afternoon!!!!
21 weeks today! Still no hospital appointment!
Went to Eureka yesterday, really felt whacked afterwards..is it my age or being pregnant or have i become a big fat lazy lump!!

Woke up at 6.30 this morning, typical I could have turned over as everyone was asleep, but DD needed to be at cadets for 7.15 so it was a mad rush!!! managed it though. DS4 woke up so I had to take him too!!
Have nipped out to get mum her birthday pressie now chilling..need to do ironing, there is a mosterous pile!

DH asked me if I could just nip out and get him some stuff for fish tank!! Nip out with little ones its 20 mins to get in and out of car!!!

hi avid readers..of which there are none!!
I have finally got an hospital appointment for next monday!!
Feel bloated and fat. Oh and I have thrush!! Other than thqat i feel fine, if a little tired. Really feel like sleeping all day. For some bazaar reason I keep waking up about 3am and find it hard to get back to sleep. Had wierd pains in my stomach last night too.
Hope every one else is doing fine!
As for DH, he is still needing loads of rest!! Telling me to take it easy ...bless him, and sympathising vocally..but as for actual help and showing me he cares...zilch!!!

Talking of Emma's diary, has anyone got the free gift bag from Lloyd's pharmacy that they rave on about so much in the diary?
I got it yesterday....I'd built up a nice collection of vouchers for freebies and money-off and decided to have a little spree yesterday....let's face it, it's not often you're handed so many free gifts!!
Anyway i had to drive 4 mile to our nearest Lloyd's and couldn't believe it when i was handed a slim, rather empty-feeling bag. It held a tiny tube of Palmers cocoa butter cream and a pack of yogurt coated fruit. then there was a huge collection of advertising leaflets which, TBH, you'd find dropping out of any baby magazine.
I don't want to sound ungrateful...i know it was free, but in this age of recycling and reducing waste is it really worth all the plastic and paper involved??
Or did I just get a dud?
The bag was completely sealed so I know things hadn't dropped out.
Anyone else got one and feel ripped-off??
To make me feel better I did get my free Huggies changing bag from Boots...their parenting club is fab, they give you really nice stuff!!