Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Weekend away shortly after due date?

55 replies

Catz · 12/02/2007 12:39

I hope this is the right place to post this. I'd really appreciate advice on a few days away with the inlaws shortly after due date...
I'm currently pregnant with my first, due mid July. My FIL's 60th birthday is about 5/6 wks after the due date and my MIL wants us all to go away for a few days to celebrate. She had wanted us to go abroad but given I'll (hopefully!) have a new born she's suggesting we go to this posh hotel in the UK instead. Hotel is about 120 miles from our house. There is a spa/swimming pool, nice restaurants, lots of lovely places for long walks nearby etc. She is a very considerate person and wants to know how I feel about it before she books it. To be honest I have absolutely no idea what things are like at that stage. Am a bit nervous that I'll spend all the time feeling awful, sitting in room with crying baby and wishing I was at home but equally don't want to spoil special occasion.
Any advice from more experienced mums out there?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsMar · 12/02/2007 12:45

I wish I could help Catz, but I'm in a very similar position. DH is best man to his best friend 6 weeks after due date (if all goes well, fingers crossed). The wedding is in Birmingham (we're in London) so we'll have to stay away for possibly two nights, we'll be at the same hotel as the reception at leaset. Having canvassed my sister for advice (this is my first too) she said to go, at that age, they're completely zonked anyway, and the babba will probably sleep in it's babyseat all the way through. I'll have to get a front loading dress so I can nip off for the odd breastfeed, but otherwise I'm hoping to have a great day. I'd be interested to hear what anyone else says, but I think you should go.

Dinosaur · 12/02/2007 12:48

I think that, providing everyone is prepared to be understand and accept that you may not want to, or be in a position to, join in with absolutely everything, you should be fine .

WigWamBam · 12/02/2007 12:52

Would your PILs be prepared to have the weekend away later? The first couple of months are very hard, and I for one wouldn't have wanted to have gone anywhere. The earliest I would have been ready for something like that would have been about three months - things were easier, dd was very portable, and it wouldn't have felt like such a strain.

Plus you could end up being overdue so having a much younger baby, having to have a c-section so still being in pain - there are any number of things which might make it hard for you to go away.

DumbledoresGirl · 12/02/2007 12:53

My father had his birthday 6 weeks after my first-born was born. We went to stay at my parents' house for the weekend. Admittedly this was not the same as staying in a posh hotel, but, from the point of view of what I could cope with, I remember being very much at ease with the care of my baby, as if I had been doing it forever. Of course, we are all different, but if my experience was anything to go by, you should be able to manage a weekend away. And nice to be waited on by hotel staff I should think!

Mumpbump · 12/02/2007 12:53

I think you can go without too much difficulty. I took ds away when he was about 7 weeks old. The one thing I would say is that it was quite stressful on him and, as he was passed around a lot of family, he spent both evenings having a complete meltdown because he was so overwrought. If I were doing it again, I would go, but try to avoid him being passed around other people... Easier said than done!

LIZS · 12/02/2007 12:55

We took ds to visit family at about that stage but tbh I'd have felt really awkward in a hotel let alone trying to be in a mood to celebrate. Physically you may just be getting there (assuming your baby arrives on time ) and feeding may just about be falling into a pattern (whetrh breast or bottle) but equally you could be very tired, emotional and frustrated and the thought of enjoying swimming ( bear in mind you may still be bleeding, let alone be carrying excess post baby weight and shape so feel self conscious), spa and long walks is pretty daunting - sleep and a good meal may be more the ticket !

Is there any chance mil would delay it by a month or two to give you more time and space or even bring it forward so you can have a last "adult" break and relax ?

PinkTulips · 12/02/2007 12:57

it sounds lovely but tbh i don't think it wold be feasible with a baby that could possibly be only 3 weeks old, the car trip there alone would be a nightmare! you might have stitches and will still be bleding. and what if you had a cs?

if you mil is considerate as you say i'm sure she'll completely understand, and maybe even be willing to move the weekend away back a bit? you could all have a lovely meal that weekend and a couple of months later do the trip.

morningpaper · 12/02/2007 13:01

Terrible idea

Baby will probably be a bit late so you will have a 4-5 week old

You will probably be in NO shape to sit in a spa or swimming pool, you will be leaking from both ends

Who will look after the baby while you visit the nice restaurants? At this stage being parted rom the baby for an hour will probably kill you

You will probably be struggling with breastfeeding

You won't sleep and there is nothing worse than being in a HOTEL painfully aware that your screaming baby is keeping everyone awake

You will probably still be at the bursting-into-tears every five minutes stage

Long Walks - that might be good though

Personally I would either send your DH by himself, or ask for them to have it near you, so that you can meet for dinner or something during the day, or postpone it until baby is a bit older.

OR you might have one of those angelic quiet sleepy babies and have a wonderful time. But I don't have any experience of those...

Littlefish · 12/02/2007 13:06

We went to stay with my parents for Christmas when dd was 5 weeks old. I would definitely NOT recommend doing it!

I was shattered, struggling with breastfeeding, and dd was almost completely nocturnal. She managed to stay awake from about 6.00pm to 4.00am one night.

There were lots of over family members around who wanted to hold her. I was feeling very insecure and just wanted to hold her quietly and be left alone.

I would second the suggestion of seeing whether the weekend away could be postponed until a little later, or give up on the idea altogether.

LIZS · 12/02/2007 13:08

MP don't mince words, will you ! Poor Catz , it might be ,er, fine.

MrsMar · 12/02/2007 13:14

Gosh catz, looks like I was being far too optimistic! Personally I'm going to suck it and see. I know from experience of my own wedding that usually people have to confirm their numbers 3 or 4 days before the wedding, so I'm going to wait until the LO is born before I totally make up my mind. Perhaps you can put off making a final decision until the baby is born? If your husband is going, presumably he'll have to book a room anyway, and if you feel you can handle it, changing your plans after the baby is born won't be too difficult.

Fingerscrossed2007 · 12/02/2007 13:40

Based on friends experience it MAY be fab but you really won't know unitl after you have the baby. Loads of points that you can't be certain of until closer to the time including:
you may be still be bleeding;
won't neccessaruily have a feeding pattern/feel confident about feeding in public if you are b/feeding;
won't neccessarily having sleeping pattern/having a nocturnal babe;
being surrounded by lots of people who will instincively want to hold baby and give tips can be unsettling;
your own mobility and strenght dependent on the type of birth.

I do know people who have very successfully gone on a break very soon after birth but they left final confirmations until about a week before. Plus they went somewhere that they had been before so knew the set up and some of the staff. Is it possible for you to visit in advance? perhaps MIL could pay for you to spend a pre-birth overnight with DP? I know that sounds alot 9(and is probably quite expensive) but you could combine with a bit of pampering.

For what its worth I would suggest to MIL that the weekend is put back a few weeks - OR brought forward?

minibar · 12/02/2007 14:05

Am watching this with interest as am wondering how I am going to make it to my DB's wedding which is 7 DAYS after the EDD of our second child! And it's a 3.5 hr drive away.
Catz and MrsMar - We travelled to stay with both sets of inlaws four weeks after the birth of our DD and it was tough but ok in the end. The most stressful thing was that we needed a TRUCK for all the cr*p I packed.
I was b'feeding but struggling so at that time was topping up with formula and that meant more stuff, including the steriliser, etc.
The advice I would give is to say to your ILs and friends is that you would love to come but you can't promise that you will make it. You can't say how you will feel in the weeks after the birth of a child.
Katz there some fab family-oriented hotels out there that offer baby monitors/babysitting services etc - couldn't your MIL look for a hotel slightly closer to you?
We were lucky with our DD in that she was in some kind of routine by 4/5 weeks and didn't have anything such as colic. And the birth was very straightforward so physically I was ok. Although I guess with being best man MrsMar it might mean saying that only your DH might end up going?
I have to say the thought of being in a lovely hotel with room serivce and an army of people to take the babe out for a walk while I sleep is very appealing!
Well if anyone has any advice for me I would be VERY grateful!

CountessDracula · 12/02/2007 14:09

We went on holiday to wales when dd was 4 or 5 weeks old, it was fine! We had a self-catering cottage and some friends came down to stay and we had a great time (looking back at the pictures we look rather pale and exhausted though!)

I certainly would not have wanted to stay in a hotel though!

KTeePee · 12/02/2007 14:11

If the baby is 6 weeks old it will probably be ok - I think we first took our oldest two to Ireland by ferry to visit family when they were about that age. They are fairly portable at that stage, especially if you are breastfeeding. Even if you are bottle-feeding there are a lot more travel products on the market, ready-made formula, etc. The only problem might be, as someone pointed out, that babies don't always arrive on time so it might be a lot younger than 6 weeks or you might just not feel up to it for whatever reason.

bristols · 12/02/2007 14:12

We took DS to Manchester from Essex when he was 4 weeks old to see my FIL. Its a fout and a half hour drive. We, too, stayed in a hotel (travel lodge so not posh) and it was absolutely fine. He's my first and he came on time. I was getting on fine with BF and we all had a great time. I just wanted to give you a more positive experience!

I would agree with minibar. See how you feel. You may be on top of the world or you may not want to leave the house. Try not to get too worried about it now and take it as it comes. Good luck!

nappyaddict · 12/02/2007 14:31

i don't see why the car trip would be too much hassle. if you make sure lo has a feed before you leave you can probably count on the baby sleeping the whole way. if lo does wake you would probably only have to stop once to feed. i found this age the easiest. all i had to do was feed him and then he would sleep until the next feed. however if lo has colic it would be a different story, but then you might appreciate getting out of the house.

fwiw we took ds abroad to spain when he was 5 weeks and it was fine. we stayed by the pool or on the beach all day and kept lo in the shade, and then went out at about 5pm. will your pil be wanting to get up and about very early? this is what i hated. we went with non-family members and i did feel like we were always keeping them waiting and got the impression they liked to make the most of the day and not just lounge by the pool so in the end i told them if they wanted to go out in the day that we would all just meet on the night and it worked out fine.

saffymum · 12/02/2007 14:51

At 6 weeks you should be fine and what more lovely than to go away with family that might be able to give you and DH an hour or two by yourselves while they push the baby around the gardens etc or even someone else to hold the baby while you eat a meal in peace! I think your MIL is being quite considerate and you should accept as long as they realise you will need extra attention.

Original poster

Catz · 12/02/2007 16:24

Thanks for all of your replies. Sounds as if it might well be fine but I won't know until the time comes around! Unfortunately that w/end is about the only one everyone can do. I will talk to MIL tonight and ask what they think about finding a nice family friendly hotel closer to us so we can join them for the day if things aren't going well and come along if all is fine. Otherwise I can see myself stressing about this after the birth everytime things aren't going well....
Good luck MrsMar and Minibar!

OP posts:

motherinferior · 12/02/2007 16:27

Have to say I wouldn't have been up for much six weeks after I had my first baby. And she was on her due date (two days before).

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2007 16:27

Agree with MP, I'd go for somewhere nearer you so you can pop in and out etc.

BabyMadwithBump · 12/02/2007 16:33

Is it worth going over to the "Post-natal clubs" and posting your tread and seeing if women over there with 3-6 week old babies how they feel right now and how they would feel about going on a trip right now!?

Enid · 12/02/2007 16:33

please say no

it really really annoys me when people put this kind of pressure on mums

you have NO IDEA what kind of baby you will have.

or if you say yes make sure they KNOW that you may pull out at the last minute. Also make sure your dh is ready to back you up whatever you decide.

Enid · 12/02/2007 16:34

I made sure I spent the first 6 weeks with dd3 doing absolutely nothing

having run myself ragged trying to please everyone after I had dd1 and dd2

motherinferior · 12/02/2007 16:35

Well said, Enid.

Also you'll have to think about what you wear.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread