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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Weekend away shortly after due date?

55 replies

Catz · 12/02/2007 12:39

I hope this is the right place to post this. I'd really appreciate advice on a few days away with the inlaws shortly after due date...
I'm currently pregnant with my first, due mid July. My FIL's 60th birthday is about 5/6 wks after the due date and my MIL wants us all to go away for a few days to celebrate. She had wanted us to go abroad but given I'll (hopefully!) have a new born she's suggesting we go to this posh hotel in the UK instead. Hotel is about 120 miles from our house. There is a spa/swimming pool, nice restaurants, lots of lovely places for long walks nearby etc. She is a very considerate person and wants to know how I feel about it before she books it. To be honest I have absolutely no idea what things are like at that stage. Am a bit nervous that I'll spend all the time feeling awful, sitting in room with crying baby and wishing I was at home but equally don't want to spoil special occasion.
Any advice from more experienced mums out there?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Enid · 12/02/2007 16:35

AND dd3 was a dreamy baby and everything came easily

but I wanted to be AT HOME concentrating on me and my baby. Best thing if you ask me.

Dinosaur · 12/02/2007 16:37

I seem to have been uncharacteristically gung-ho in my first response on this thread!

MrsMar · 12/02/2007 16:43

You're not alone Dinosaur!!! I thought I would be up to it, but I may have to rethink!

KathyMCMLXXII · 12/02/2007 16:49

Would have been fine with both of my children - babies are very different. You might be dying for some normal adult company at that stage - you don't want to pull out now and then find you end up sitting at home with your baby wishing you were there.
I would just tell MIL to go ahead. The worst that can happen is that you won't enjoy it.

Oh, and you won't need to think about what you wear as everyone will be too busy looking at your gorgeous tiny baby to notice you.

Enid · 12/02/2007 16:54

"The worst that can happen is that you won't enjoy it.

Oh, and you won't need to think about what you wear as everyone will be too busy looking at your gorgeous tiny baby to notice you. "

not enjoying something with a 4 week old baby is an utter utter pain

and the not thinking about what you wear...well depends what kind of person you are but it would have bothered me

My PIL booked a table in a really posh restaurant when dd3 was a week old. They expected me to go - was to celebrate their wedding anniversary. When I said no they were VERY put out. But my god! Spending the whole time in a 'private room' breastfeeding, with family popping in and out 'are you ok?' 'oh no don't worry about me I am fine' as you desperately try and shush baby to sleep. Then finally your dh puts his head round the door 'GEt me OUT of here' you hiss through gritted teeth 'this is a nightmare'

god no thanks

KathyMCMLXXII · 12/02/2007 17:00

I agree that doing that with a week old baby would be a bit much, Enid

Dinosaur · 12/02/2007 17:00

I would have been fine by six weeks with all three of mine, although DS3 hated bright lights in the evening so he and I would have had to retire early.

And DS2 had to have his plaster casts changed weekly at that stage so the timing would have had to fit around his hospital appointments.

Enid · 12/02/2007 17:01

oh yes I felt almost normal by the time the baby was five weeks

Enid · 12/02/2007 17:01

I COULD have done it with all three - good feeders and sleepers

but I wouldn't have WANTED to

motherinferior · 12/02/2007 17:03

I found the fact I'd been relegated to fat matronly person nobody would ever look at again one of the many depressing things about having a new baby.

Dinosaur · 12/02/2007 17:05

I was so blissed out with DS1 at that stage that I really do think I would have loved to go and show him off to family at a nice hotel.

Sorry if I am pissing off anyone who thinks that it is highly unrealistic and/or undesirable.

motherinferior · 12/02/2007 17:06

No, Dino, it's lovely.

I am just spectacularly bad at those first few weeks, I really am.

Ladymuck · 12/02/2007 17:08

You can't tell. This birth is going to be the most life-changing moment of your life, and you have no idea of what life will be like. You could be a mellow dude with an equally mellow babe, ready to chill out anywhere, or you could become control freak mum, unable to breastfeed without being in a particular chair with a particular pillow. Some women get back into their normal wardrobe within 6 weeks, but some of us just had to admit that 3 years later we weren't going to see that size again for a while.

Whatever is arranged, make sure that you can get out of it without making enemies for life.

motherinferior · 12/02/2007 17:08

Also you were wearing your jeans again six weeks after DS1.

MrsMar · 12/02/2007 17:09

I was worried about upstaging the bride by taking a 6 week baby along, but secretly it'll be quite nice!! hehe!

beansprout · 12/02/2007 17:12

I felt very judged by various family members in the weeks after the birth. Dh had do a lot of "you're doing fine" pep talking to help me through. A weekend away would have killed me at this stage, which was strange because I was planning a lovely water birth followed by being a calm earth mother. Reality was a c-section followed by a very hard few weeks indeed. Leaving your options open is the only thing you can do. If someone doesn't support you if you decide not to go, then just count yourself lucky you didn't subject yourself to a whole weekend of them!!

fruitful · 12/02/2007 17:27

I went to SIL's wedding, 3 weeks after having a cs with my first baby. It was 4 hours drive away, weekend in a posh hotel. I was still sore, and nobody made any allowances for the fact that I was recovering from major surgery.

I hadn't got the hang of bf'ing discreetly so had to go off to our hotel room for most feeds and she was feeding for about 45 minutes every 2 hours. But that did mean I got lots of rest, even if it was a bit boring. I was up all night with the baby too, so was a complete zombie. And I'd shopped for my clothes before the birth (which was a good job as no time after) - but of course I'd had to guess at sizes and probably looked a fright. Not that I cared, but SIL hasn't put me with the rest of the family in her wedding photos.

And dh hadn't got the hang of the complete and utter change of lifestyle, and kept getting cross with me for not wanting to "join in". All the relatives loved dd, but it was SIL's wedding so of course they had no time to help me. And it was the first grandchild for SIL's parents so was trying hard not to upstage her too much.

I didn't enjoy myself at all - the whole memory is a blur actually. But it mattered to dh and his family that we were there, so I'm glad we did it. Not sure I'd do it for a 50th birthday though.

You don't know how old your baby will be or what he/she will be like. Could be 4 weeks old and sleeping all the time. Could be 8 weeks old and in the grip of screaming colic. By 8 weeks my ds was throwing up 50% of every feed, wouldn't have liked to cope with that in a posh hotel. He was very easy for the first 5ish weeks - 6 weeks was the point when everything went pear-shaped and I turned into a hormonal mess.

Have just seen that it involves swimming/spa. With bleeding, sore nipples, and baby flab? Not my idea of fun.

Hmm, that was positive, wasn't it. Sorry!

Just Say No.

fortyplus · 12/02/2007 17:28

GO GO GO - you'll have a lovely time! But get a new mum to write you a list of all the things that you will need to take with you.

Enid · 12/02/2007 17:45

lol @ idea of anyone 6 weeks post-birth 'upstaging' the bride

Jamantha · 12/02/2007 17:52

Admitting I've not had a baby yet, so obviously don't really know what I'm talking about, but if I can throw in my tuppence worth, I'd say 1) try and get it held somewhere closer to you and 2) say yes as long as you hold the right to cry off if it's not working out well because of late delivery, c-section, soreness, tiredness etc. My reasoning is that 1) it's likely to be easier to cancel at the last minute than get an extra room added at a late stage, 2) if you've said no and then feel fine and want to go but can't then you may feel cheated and like you're missing out and 3) I try to think positively, though hopefully still with room for manoevure.
Good luck!

fennel · 12/02/2007 18:04

I would have been OK with it at a few weeks post natal. I went camping with my first at 4 weeks, in fact with each of them.

But you just can't tell, how you'll feel, how the baby will be, or whether you will care about anything beyond nipple pain at that point.

ps was not back in my jeans at 6 weeks post natal. nor 6 months.

PinkTulips · 12/02/2007 18:06

you know thinking back.... i went to mayo to see my parents when dd was 3 weeks and when she was 8 weeks. 2 hour trip and lots of family being annoying..... and you know what? i refused to go anywhere with ds til he was 3 months old coz i had such a miserable time

the fact of the matter is you probaly could go, in fact you almost certainly could go, but you'll almost as certainly have a miserable time and be tired and uncomfortable and that's so completely unneccessary when you've just had a new baby.

fruitful · 12/02/2007 18:07

Its not the mum who does the upstaging, its the baby! The mum is invisible, that happens when the baby is born.

KathyMCMLXXII · 12/02/2007 18:12

"you'll almost as certainly have a miserable time and be tired and uncomfortable "

Why are people who were unlucky enough to have a hard time with their babies so adamant that it is like that for everyone?

I agree with everyone here who has said you just can't predict it. It's like so many other areas of motherhood (eg breastfeeding, birth etc) - almost completely random as to whether you find it hard or easy, no reflection on you at all, and can even vary for the same mother with different babies.

Enid · 12/02/2007 18:47

kathy - I didnt have a hard time with any of my babies. They were dreams. But I was tired and I wanted to snuggle all day and night with mine and feed them on demand - the last thing I wanted was loads of well-meaning but infuriating relatives offering their tuppence worth every time the baby moved.

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