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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm pregnant and only been with partner for 2months!

53 replies

Kittyear · 31/10/2016 08:23

Hi all, I'm in need of some advice, any contributions are welcome please 😊
I am 25years old, renting my own place, and in a job that I love with good pay, my partner is 27, in a really good job, and is the most selfless man I have ever met!
I have just found out that I'm pregnant, I am really early on, and had been feeling out of sorts, so did a pregnancy test which was positive, he was lied in bed and I just came walking out the bathroom and said, I'm pregnant, he said "ok, that's fine" and has been so calm about it all, we've talked lots yday(when I found out) and I asked him honestly what we would want, he said he would rather an abortion because we haven't known each other long at all, I completely understand this mentality, I don't know what to choose, I've always wanted children, and I really do see a future with him, I get excited thinking about it, then I think "oh my god, what have we done". He's said it's completely up to me, and he will support me ether way, and if I keep it then he will be there 100%. Can I have some opinions please, as I'm not ready to talk to anyone I know about it yet! Thanks! X

OP posts:
peaceloveandbiscuits · 31/10/2016 10:23

This happened to me ten years ago, six months into a relationship. I had an abortion. We have now been married five years and have DS and expecting DC2.

This isn't a case of now or never - I think in your situation, I would terminate and look to the future. It sounds as though you both want to be together and have a future together, but enjoy each other and get to know each other properly first.

Afreshstartplease · 31/10/2016 10:28

Our eldest DC was conceived about 2-3 months into our relationship. We were both 19.
That DC is now nearly 9, and we have three others too!
It worked out good for us but at times has been very hard. I know others who it hasn't worked out for at all.

skyyequake · 31/10/2016 10:30

First off, I definitely wouldn't have an abortion based on your age, 25 is a perfectly normal age to have a baby. Plus you can't guarantee that because you fell pregnant easily this time that it would happen again next time!

However, there is obviously the complication of having only been together a short while. I fell pregnant around the same time into a relationship as you did and I was 20 at the time. Unfortunately the father turned out to be abusive and I'm now a single parent having to try and coparent with him. However I also know people who fell pregnant young and/or soon into a relationship who had no problems within their relationship. You also cant guarantee how a person will become once you have a child with them no matter how long you're together.

My advice would be to not keep the baby under the impression that you will be a happy family. Of course there's always the possibility that it will turn out great with this guy, but there's just as much chance it won't. If you feel like even of the worst were to happen and he turned out to be a complete prick and was difficult/abusive/disappeared out of your childs life, you would still be happy to have the baby and take care of it on your own, then you have your answer. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

If it helps at all, I don't regret having my daughter at all, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. The only thing I regret is being so scared of single parenting that I didn't leave him sooner. So if you do decide to go ahead, and he turns out to not be the person you thought he was, please don't feel trapped by pregnancy/motherhood into staying with him.

Hope that everything will turn out fine, but prepare for the possibility that it won't. And if you're not prepared to raise the child on your own in case it doesn't work out, then go ahead with either an abortion or giving them up for adoption.

Good luck OP, I hope everything works out for the best for you Flowers

kali110 · 31/10/2016 10:41

You need to think what you would do without him being involved.
It all looks good now because it's early days, things and people change.
Think how you would manage as a single mom, without his involvement, what you would do for money, your job etc
It doesn't mean you can't continue this pregnancy, all doesn't mean that if you don't keep it there will be any problems having future pregnancies.

thirteendolphins · 31/10/2016 10:54

This happened to me. I fell pregnant after about 2 months together. Though I was living with my cousin as I was effectively homeless and he was unemployed and sofa surfing! Was not ideal!

To be honest abortion never entered my consciousness. We had talked about whether either of us wanted children in the future and he knew that I wanted 2 children and if we were going to be together long term then that was a dealbreaker for me.

Over 4 years later we now have 2 children, he has a great job, we have a lovely house and we're planning our wedding.

Admittedly we'd known each other for over 10 years before we actually got together so I knew he was one of the good guys. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always easy. But never so hard that we thought of jacking it all in.

I think the final decision will come down to you. You know how he feels and you have to be prepared that you might end up being a single mum.

If you thought of the pregnancy ending just now naturally how would you feel?

Nikki2ol6 · 31/10/2016 12:59

Hello!!
I had this too!

We began dating the very end of July and slept together a couple of times . End of August I had a feeling I was pregnant...... I took a test and it was positive!! I was 22 he was 26, I rented my own place and he still lived with his mum. I didn't know what to do but I told him and he was just like ok well that's fine and if you want to keep the baby we will give it a real go..... I wasn't sure about this! I barely knew the man. I decided after a few days I would keep my baby and he asked if he could come stay at mine for a couple of weeks to see how it went.... that was 4 years ago and he never left. We had a beautiful little boy who is now 3 and we also have a 20 month old and we are due another baby at new year. We have moved to a bigger house and we are really happy together! He's a great dad and works very hard. Good luck in whatever you choose x

Matchingbluesocks · 31/10/2016 13:04

This has happened to my (ex) best male friend. He never uses protection and has got 4 women pregnant who had abortions. The 5th wanted the baby and they got married. I feel that he is very irresponsible and she doesn't realise she's just one of "many" and would be sad to.

OP if he's having unprotected sex with you you're probably not the first. What about STIs? Worth a test.

Bloopbleep · 31/10/2016 13:17

I hadn't been with my partner long when I fell pregnant on the pill. His first reaction was to abort but I wasn't for doing that. I gave him the option to walk away but by next day he was really excited about it all. 8 years later we're still together and I'm pregnant with out second. He's been a fantastic dad and having a baby changed our lives for the better. That said I was very much prepared to go it alone and had already made that decision if necessary before I told him.

It really depends on how you'd feel about being a single parent should it. It work or should he change his mind about supporting you.

Marmalade85 · 31/10/2016 13:27

I'm a single mum to a 10 month after a brief relationship. It is so so hard. You do not know this man so think very seriously.

user1471927379 · 31/10/2016 13:37

Hi. I am 9 months pregnant with my first from a guy i was dating and when i fell pregnant he went to prison to do a long sentence. He does want to be involved when he is out although that is not fot a long while. (I know,not very smart) I do love my unborn daughter to bits and I can't wait for her to be here although these 9 months have been unimaginable hard as i had to do everything alone,i am currently in hospital & have to be here for another 5 weeks until my baby is born,i am very lonely and get depressed at times. I still don't regret but my choice but I was prepared to do this alone from the start just because I couldn't physically go through abortion,i got to the abortion clinic and I just couldn't do it. I agree that you must plan this as you will be going through this as a single mother, if you feel you can deal with that & want to then keep it. If not then you know what to do. Think carefully and don't let anyone pressure you into doing either thing,make sure whatever you choice is what you believe is the best thing for you. Good luck

peaceloveandbiscuits · 31/10/2016 13:44

What a long pregnancy, user

SamhainSoubriquet · 31/10/2016 13:46

Your 9 months pregnant?

So 40 weeks? Or 35 weeks?

SamhainSoubriquet · 31/10/2016 13:47

Only saying 35 as pregnancy is technically 10 months when you go from last period

QuilliamCakespeare · 31/10/2016 13:48

I would keep the baby but mostly because I've always thought I wouldn't be able to terminate a healthy pregnancy without having a lifetime of 'what ifs?'. Granted the circumstances aren't ideal but he sounds like a good guy. Good luck OP.

PikachuSayBoo · 31/10/2016 13:48

kittyear. I got pregnant when I'd only been with my then dp for a couple of months. That was 16 years ago and we're still together. Though I had known him for a few years as a friend before.

I'm glad dd is here but sometimes I wish me and Dh had had more time justbthe two of us.

HerSpookyFattyness · 31/10/2016 13:54

I fell pregnant after 3 months. I was 16.
9 years later we have an 8 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. Things have been (and still are) difficult. Our relationship has a lot of problems. We are working on them but it is not a walk in the park.
It's entirely up to you, but be aware it may not be a bed of roses.

OohNoDooEy · 31/10/2016 14:04

Only saying 35 as pregnancy is technically 10 months when you go from last period

It isn't. Unless there are 13 months in your year. Months are longer than 4 weeks (except Feb)

OP - it is really a decision only you can make. I would have kept it if it was DH as I felt I knew about our relationship at that stage.

Coconutcoconut · 31/10/2016 17:55

This happened to me, I am now 38 weeks and the 'lovely guy' I had known just 4 months when I found out I was pregnant turned out to be an arse quite frankly. We are still in touch and I am very excited about my baby but we won't be raising her as a couple. As long as you are OK with the prospect of it not working out and you want the baby then go for it, but you really don't know someone after 8 weeks. Good luck OP

LucieA79 · 31/10/2016 17:59

When I fell pregnant with my 1st I'd only been with my bloke 3 months..... 15 years later.... another child.... a marriage and now pregnant again.... we are still together!! Go with your gut and do what's right for you xx

user1471927379 · 31/10/2016 22:38

Sorry i count 36 weeks as 9 months. I am 35 weeks pregnant so 8 months & 3 weeks to be specific. Lol Grin

imjustnotme · 30/08/2017 22:38

I was in your exact same situation I'd been with my partner 7 weeks when I found out I was pregnant and I sat and asked his honest opinion and he said he'd love a family and even if we didn't work as a couple the baby would have two partners who love it dearly. Now I'm 33 weeks & 5 days and On one hand I am so happy and excited to become a mum but my pregnancy hasn't been the easiest we've had some serious arguments and he's upset me a fair few times to the point I question our relationship and on the other hand I think how different would my life of been now if I'd of had an abortion would we even still be together would I be happier, could I of coped knowing that I aborted a baby for my own selfish reasons? I know my baby will have an amazing life weather me and my partner work out or not. Hope this helps Xx

MaryShelley1818 · 30/08/2017 22:45

ZOMBIE THREAD

Alexandra07 · 30/08/2017 23:07

My advice is to think if you want to be a single mum, if you will have your family's support and how you feel about abortion. There a lot of stories here of women that realise that their partners are not what they thought, even after years of knowing them, when a baby comes into the picture. There are also a lot of lovely stories mentioned above. Think of the worst, that you are alone without him helping you at all, or being aroung. Would you keep the baby?

sleepseeker99 · 31/08/2017 16:16

At 24 I was pregnant after being with my partner for 6 weeks. 6 years on we are now married and expecting our second DC! For me, I decided I would have the baby regardless of if he stayed. The man he is, he would have supported me financially even if our relationship failed.

It all depends how you feel. It sounds like you are excited about the pregnancy which is great :). Try and make the decision not based upon your relationship. If the relationship weren't to work out, would you be able to make it work? From what you say you are earning good money. Also, if he is as good a guy as you say, he would support you even if you did break. If he says he will be there 100% then all the better! But better to make this decision with all possibilities in mind.

Good luck xxxxx

sleepseeker99 · 31/08/2017 16:21

it is a zombie thread ha! I hope it all worked out!

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