OMG - first pregnancy at 46

[JustJaneForNow]

Hi there

The title says it all. We have just found out I am pregnant at 46, and I have never had children before (long story). My OH has two adult sons from his first marriage.

Needless to say it wasn't planned! We (mostly I) am in a huge amount of turmoil - he, bless him, is being very calm, is thinking ahead very logically about how to adapt, what to do, how we will work things out.

I have always wanted children but it just didn't happen. He knows this. I had decided that at my great age, it was never meant to be, and made my peace with it. I was on Cerazette, and took it as I should, without fail - and yet here we are.

I so want this baby, now that I am pregnant. Yet I'm terrified. I know nothing about parenting, I am very worried about the health risks to the baby, the greater potential for miscarriage - everything that goes with being so old (in pregnancy terms). I also have no idea how far along I am, as I wasn't having any periods on the pill (I found out about the pregnancy because I would take a test every now and again just to be sure I wasn't pregnant, but I can't remember when I took the last test!).

He has been wonderful - I'm under no pressure from him, and I think secretly he is delighted, despite all the obstacles and the massive upheaval this will bring if we decide to go ahead. I haven't told him that I 100% want to - it's the medical issues that are really scaring me. If I were younger, I'd be in no doubt at all.

Does anyone have any advice, please?

So sorry, didn't read your last message before I posted.
So sorry for your lost.

So sorry Jane, I don't have any experience of this I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run.

My advice would be to go and see your GP and just get things checked out to make sure it's all normal.

Look after yourself. Hope you are OK!

I've only seen your thread now & I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss

I can't offer you any insight, but I can offer virtual

I am so sorry. What a turmoil for you. I have no advice to offer I'm afraid but wanted to send my love.

I'm sorry for your loss. I would definitely contact the GP and go from there, though. Gentle hugs.

Sorry to hear of your miscarriage. That's not what mine was like, but there is some variation. I think there's a miscarriage section in body and soul on talk that might be more helpful.

I completely understand what you mean about feeling different. I've completely changed since mine happened, I'm more subdued, more serious. I just want to be with my family and extremely close friends, whereas before I was a social butterfly.
Many hugs, and do have a look at the miscarriage section - it's really helpful.

Thank you, everyone, you're all very kind and supportive. It helps to know that there is such a lovely community here.

Hellbelle75 - yes, this is it. Family and very close friends mean so much more. And I'm definitely more subdued than I was. I suppose it takes time.

I will bounce back, but not quite yet. It was all so unexpected and such a rollercoaster. The positive thing though, is that me and my OH have become even closer, and our relationship is so much stronger than it was (and we were in a good place before all of this).

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've been there.

Give yourself time to grieve, and look after yourself. I'm so glad your partner is supportive.

I found the Miscarriage Association website really informative and helpful. MN is also good - when it happened to me it was good to know I wasn't alone.

Sending you lots of hugs if you want them.

What a lot of emotional turmoil for you OP - I'm sorry for your loss. I miscarried just over two years ago - similar to your description but I was advised to go to the EPU and have a scan to make sure all the pregnancy tissue had passed out, to ensure no infection.
Sorry again, and I think you have been very brave

Thank you again, everyone. I (we) will get there.