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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Help! Don't know who father is 5 months pregnant

63 replies

Rosiexxxx · 31/08/2016 15:15

I am currently 5months 2 weeks pregnant.
Have told my partner its hrs child as thought it was he's over the moon as so was I only today I fount out when we split up in April on the 9th I had intercourse with one night stand being stupid and drunk
Before then and after having regular sex
I ovulated apparently on 11th April
Baby's due 2nd January 2017
Help don't know what to do and I love my boyfriend and want it to be he's child as he does so much! I'm heartbroken stressed

OP posts:
Iknowthisgirlcanx100 · 01/09/2016 17:49

I can't believe there are women who would consider it ok not to come clean to her partner about her doubts and arrange a paternity test.
Imagine Rosie, that your partner had had a ons and got someone pregnant and didn't tell you. Wouldn't you feel cheated and unbelievably angry and upset. Presumably there are posters on here who feel that lying by omission is ok if its a woman doing the lying?
Every so often there is a thread that really shocks me. This is one.

Lunar1 · 01/09/2016 17:58

You are doing the right thing in telling him the truth now. You were separated at the time, you didn't cheat on your partner. Yes he will be upset now, but the stress to you of carrying on a lie while pregnant wouldn't be worth it.

Horsegirl1 · 01/09/2016 18:17

Oh sweetie. You have made a mistake and are obviously in turmoil. I have no advice as I don't want to judge you but I wish you well and hope things turn out as you wish xx

Trifleorbust · 01/09/2016 18:56

I certainly don't think lying is okay. It is definitely wrong. But let's be honest: it won't be the first or the last time, and people regularly lie to save their own reputations and relationships.

Holowiwi · 01/09/2016 19:11

Hope you have tested for STIs

Lunar1 · 01/09/2016 19:14

I think you get checked at one of the appointments with the midwife as routine don't you?

JenLindleyShitMom · 01/09/2016 19:22

I may have my maths wrong but LMP of 28th March gives due date 4th Jan, not 2nd. OP are you sure of your last period date? If a 28 day cycle it would have you ovulating around 11th of April so it is possible the baby is the ONS man's.

Seekingmiracles · 01/09/2016 19:31

My friend is due NYE - we were all away together over the weekend of April 8-10th so I asked the 'ewwww was baby conceived in the room next to me' questions"..Wink and nope it was the week after. So I think it's likely your boyfriends

JenLindleyShitMom · 01/09/2016 19:35

Is your friend very sure seeking? She sounds about a fortnight out.

JenLindleyShitMom · 01/09/2016 19:37

Agh ignore me. About a week out which is within the realms of possibility but no proof of anything WRT OP's situation.

blinkowl · 01/09/2016 21:54

Rosie please don't let people here guilt trip you into telling your DP.

You do whatever is right for you.

Personally I wouldn't in your circumstances. Yes it'll be shitty for your DP if he finds out after the birth that it's not his baby. But it'll be shittier for your baby if s/he loses the chance to grow up with their father around because you split up before the baby came, and it turns out it was his all along.

I'm not saying the above would happen to you! But that it's what would worry me, and I think it's a perfectly legitimate concern.

There are three people's feelings to take into account here, and the baby is totally dependent on you making decisions for them, and also has the most to lose in this situation. I think people tend to focus on the partner's needs above that of the baby, and both are important.

Also what's the point in putting your partner through all the worry you're going through? If it was me I'd be tempted to bear that on my own, then share it with him only if it turned out the baby wasn't his. Why create all that drama and upset unnecessarily?

That's just my opinion and I know others here disagree with it.

You need to decide what you think is right to do, but don't let anyone here push you into doing something (including me!) and especially not if it's because they're making you feel guilty.

You have to live your life, not them, and you know the people involved. You do what you think is right for you, your partner and your baby..

Guanaca09 · 22/08/2019 00:57

Hi I’m in the same situation and would like to know your outcome of everything
I feel so terrible about everything

Newmumatlast · 23/08/2019 22:45

Please do not beat yourself up as what is done is done. You know you made a mistake. It is pointless flogging yourself over the back because of it now. However to posters telling you that you have to do what is right for you regarding whether or not to tell your partner, I'm sorry but that isn't right. It's about what is right for the child in their best interests. It is surely better that they know who their father is. Your partner will hopefully understand if you are strong - you weren't together at the time this happened and the baby could still be his child.

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