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Original poster

Help! Don't know who father is 5 months pregnant

63 replies

Rosiexxxx · 31/08/2016 15:15

I am currently 5months 2 weeks pregnant.
Have told my partner its hrs child as thought it was he's over the moon as so was I only today I fount out when we split up in April on the 9th I had intercourse with one night stand being stupid and drunk
Before then and after having regular sex
I ovulated apparently on 11th April
Baby's due 2nd January 2017
Help don't know what to do and I love my boyfriend and want it to be he's child as he does so much! I'm heartbroken stressed

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2016 23:19

Unfortunately there's absolutely no way to know who the father is without a DNA test. It could be either man.

PinkyOfPie · 31/08/2016 23:41

No advice other than what people have said but Flowers for you

Viviennemary · 31/08/2016 23:45

Just forget about the one night stand and put it out of your mind completely. I'd say that was the best way forward in these circumstances. What is the point in torturing yourself over something that you don't have control over.

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2016 23:45

Don't you think the boyfriend had a right to know whether the child he's raising is biologically his vivienne?

Trifleorbust · 01/09/2016 07:19

There is only one ethical response: get a DNA test and tell everyone the absolute truth. But we all know that isn't what a reasonable number of people would actually do in this situation!

blinkowl · 01/09/2016 07:38

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and told her partner the baby might not be his. They split up, quote acrimoniously.

Turned our the baby was his after all. They never got back together, too much water under the bridge by that point.

Was that the right thing to do as far as the baby was concerned?

Of course if the baby isn't the OP's partner absolutely has a right to know if it's not his. But I would be tempted to wait until after the birth and then do a DNA test if still not sure at that point.

Dozer · 01/09/2016 07:40

The ethical thing to do would be to tell your DP there is a possibility the DC isn't his.

Trifleorbust · 01/09/2016 07:46

I would definitely do a secret DNA test. The ONS itself is water under the bridge. The baby is very likely to be your partner's.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/09/2016 07:51

Did you not use contraception with either partner? Why not? That is completely irresponsible.

Trifleorbust · 01/09/2016 07:52

Xmas: I suspect the OP has cottoned on to that by now.

Jaynebxl · 01/09/2016 07:54

What was the date of your last period? I just had a play on a baby calendar and to be due 17 Jan the last period should have been 12 April if you have a regular cycle according to that. Can you remember? Because if you had a period after the ONS in 9th then you should be ok.

OhTheRoses · 01/09/2016 07:57

If you've had a one night stand during a break-up then it doesn't indicate a stable relationship particularly. Why on earth didn't you take the morning after pill after unprotected sex?

I'm afraid it looks to me as though your relationship with your partner is insecure whether the baby is his or not so why not just be honest now and accept the consequences.

OTH would it be possible to follow viviennemarys advice and just carry on? Unless there might be a "Call the Midwife" moment (black liver - white couple) you could.

blinkowl · 01/09/2016 08:51

OhTheRoses ODFOD.

"I'm afraid it looks to me as though your relationship with your partner is insecure whether the baby is his or not so why not just be honest now and accept the consequences."

That's a shocking thing to say to a pregnant woman, knowing nothing about her relationship with her DP other than a tiny snapshot. You know fuck all about them. Their relationship now could be very solid or shakey, but there's no way for us to know which is true.

My first DC was conceived on a ONS with a friend who lived in a different country. I'm sure you'd have something to say about that too, but the best part of a decade - and another DC (planned this time) - later we are very happy and planning many more happy years together.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, how cruel to encourage a pregnant woman to leave hers because it's not like yours.

DanniAngelMummy · 01/09/2016 09:01

Gosh I'm quite shocked at the number of mean and judgemental messages posted in this post!
You may not necessarily agree with what this lady did - but has she asked you too?! Not one of us is perfect and have all done things we have lived to regret. Quite frankly as the old saying goes if you had nothing nice to say you shouldn't have said it at all!!!
FlowersI don't have any answers for you but DNA test - I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation and chin up!! Xx

Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 09:04

Thank you. Exactly I blacked out after drinking way too much! X

OP posts:
PinkyOfPie · 01/09/2016 09:08

OhTheRehab who do you think you are, Jeremy Kyle? The OP needs support not judgement

PinkyOfPie · 01/09/2016 09:09

Rosie did your ONS have sex with you while you were unconscious?

Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 09:10

Our relationship was rocky months ago. But now we are solid as anything I know he absolutely adores me and I adore him. Yes I know I'm very wrong in what I done and being drunk ain't an excuse.

I just don't know how to explain to partner it maybe not he's I know he would be devastated as well as family. I can't believe I didn't work this out before.

The only option is a paternity test but first I need to talk to my partner x

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 01/09/2016 09:11

Does your partner know you had ons ? Is he aware it might not be his or thinking 100% it's his ?

Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 09:13

Last period: 28th March
Baby's due date: 2nd January 2017
X

OP posts:
Dozer · 01/09/2016 09:13

It's not at all solid if the baby isn't his, though. It's better for you but very unethical to let someone believe for many months, and especially once DC is born, that they are going to be a father when they may not.

Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 09:14

Pretty much j can't remember it at all I just know it happened, I feel terrible. And the way some people have commented on here I feel worse than ever

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 09:15

That why I need to find a way to speak to him open about this x

OP posts:
PinkyOfPie · 01/09/2016 11:07

Can people please bear in mind that this is a woman who is pregnant and scared and snidely judgemental comments will not help. Berating her for her decision serves no purpose now.

OP these things happen please don't beat yourself up about it, you are not a bad person but you do sound vulnerable. Could you maybe talk to a friend or relative like your mum and she could be there if you decide to tell your BF about the ONS? The fair thing to do would be to tell him but I can't imagine how hard that will be for you Flowers

Original poster
Rosiexxxx · 01/09/2016 11:34

Thank you PinkyOfPie I am very stressed about this I have spoke to my best friend a bit about this and she has arranged we meet and talk about it all. I feel terrible and sick in in love with my partner and wish I could turn back time. In feeling slightly depressed and emotional right now. Just wish I wasn't as stupid as I was then. He's family are so happy as well how can I also break their hearts as well as mine😭

OP posts: