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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

My husband doesn't want our baby

62 replies

onecrazycook · 24/08/2016 23:56

My Husband is very unhappy about my pregnancy (6 weeks). He didn't speak to me for 4 days once I told him (as if I had planned the pregnancy- I absolutely did not), and now he's swinging between moody and ignoring the issue.

We are in a bit of a situation where our landlord defaulted on his mortgage so we are living with his parents until we sort out somewhere to live, so the timing is not the best, but his primary focus seems to be how determined he is that his life will not change and he can still go the football with his mates etc. He's going on about not being able to afford a child. Every time I mention I feel a bit unwell he says that "this is no good" and asks me if I'm sure I want to keep it.

I'm stressed and upset because I never imagined he'd be like this Sad he's 40 ffs.
I'm 39 and I won't get another opportunity.

This was wholly unplanned and we never actually really wanted children but I can't believe he would act like this now there's one on the way. I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 30/08/2016 17:28

Oh good, at least you are talking about it. Time will pass and you will both come to some sort of arrangement with the new facts.

And new babies have a way of making their parents fall in love with them - he might too. IME 'a baby' is a more abstract concept to many men, and it is only with physical 'evidence' that it becomes more of a possible reality to them. That might be an early scan with heart beat, or a later one, or even just the completed baby when it arrives.

There is NO denying that a baby changes your life and that there is NOTHING anybody can say to entirely prepare you for just how profound the change can be, waaaaaay beyond Sunday lie-ins and grown-up holidays. IME the changes are challenging, enriching, difficult and marvellous in equal measure.

I don't believe that having children is the be all and end all and I am quite certain I could lead a fulfilled life without children, but having them does add a dimension to life that is difficult to perceive until/unless you have direct experience of it.

Good luck. I hope it will all pan out for both and all three off you Thanks

onecrazycook · 31/08/2016 13:19

Just to top it all off, I've just lost my job so I guess I won't be able to have the baby after all . Just not meant to be, is it SadSad

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/08/2016 13:23

Oh OP Flowers

Please don't do anything rash.

ImYourMama · 31/08/2016 13:33

Losing your job doesn't mean anything against the pregnancy, you can still get maternity allowance, and child benefit/tax credits. You're also able to apply for other jobs without having to disclose the pregnancy, You Can Do This Star

NameChange30 · 31/08/2016 13:36

Sorry about your job, OP.
Sorry your husband is being a twat, too.
He is not unreasonable to be upset about the pregnancy but he is extremely unreasonable to blame you, sulk, and behave in a resentful way towards you for being pregnant.
The only form of contraception that is 100% effective is ABSTINENCE FROM PIV. You asked him to get a vasectomy and he refused. You were taking the pill (and presumably have done for years). The pregnancy was an accident. IT WAS AS MUCH HIS FAULT AS YOURS.
Argh.

Oh and you might get more/better advice if you get this moved to Relationships, or Pregnancy Choices (if you're still not sure whether to continue with the pregnancy).

ElspethFlashman · 31/08/2016 13:39

As you said yourself, you're 39 and won't get another opportunity. Losing your job sucks, but is not in itself a reason to terminate a much wanted pregnancy.

Believe it or not, babies do not cost much. Otherwise only people with jobs would have them! And pregnancy is virtually free. Don't do anything rash.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 31/08/2016 13:48

It's not the end of the world if you lost your job!! Dear God look around you, so all mum's work? Is that what he told you? What did he say about that? How did he support you?

PacificDogwod · 31/08/2016 19:55

Oh sorry to hear that, that is a blow.
Please look at the job situation separately from the pregnancy one.
Thanks

onecrazycook · 21/09/2016 22:11

Ok, so I had my booking appointment today and my scan date was given as 10th October, mid morning. DH went bonkers because it's not a convenient time for him as he works 20 miles away and he can't have time off etc etc.

I absolutely lost my fucking shit for the first time and told him to shove it up his arse, that id do it all on my own as that's they way he seems to want it and that I was moving to my mothers. Went and starting packing a bag and I think it's suddenly sunk in with him
That he's being a prick. He's back tracked and will sort it out tomorrow to be able to leave work for a couple of hours. Even asked to look at my purple notes while his parents are away this weekend.

Perhaps I've finally got through to him that baby and I come as a pair or not at all...

OP posts:
onecrazycook · 21/09/2016 22:12

Ok, so I had my booking appointment today and my scan date was given as 10th October, mid morning. DH went bonkers because it's not a convenient time for him as he works 20 miles away and he can't have time off etc etc.

I absolutely lost my fucking shit for the first time and told him to shove it up his arse, that id do it all on my own as that's they way he seems to want it and that I was moving to my mothers. Went and starting packing a bag and I think it's suddenly sunk in with him
That he's being a prick. He's back tracked and will sort it out tomorrow to be able to leave work for a couple of hours. Even asked to look at my purple notes while his parents are away this weekend.

Perhaps I've finally got through to him that baby and I come as a pair or not at all...

OP posts:
onecrazycook · 21/09/2016 22:13

Sorry for double Post. Network is playing up here

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 21/09/2016 22:15

Well done for letting him have it. You've done the right thing. He needs to grow up and start acting like a human being not a selfish idiot.

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