How do you respond to insensitive comments about the size of your bump?

[BrummieOnTheRun]

"Ooooh, aren't you HUGE! Are you sure it's not twins?"

This still irritates me even though I'm on #3! Anyone come up with some gentle, or not so gentle, responses?!!

I told them to eff off.

But politeness isn't my buzzword.

suis, I remeber when I told my "friend" that I was pg with DS1. He said "Do you know who the father is?"

I punched him in the chops

That's not insensitive! Unless they were talking about your arse..

Ignore them, smile sweetly like you have not heard them.

I got that a lot last pregnancy and no doubt will get it this time - grown very huge over the last couple of weeks ( 30 weeks pregnant now)

I got so many comments at work when I was pregnant along those lines. "I can't believe how huge you are" etc. It did start to get to me in the end.

One particular woman, who I know was just being tactless rather than nasty, did have me in tears one day going on about how huge I was. There seemed to be some kind of inadvertent competition - small bumps good, big bumps bad.

In the end, I did actually tell her (in a non-confrontational, third party sort of way) how upset I was and that I didn't understand why people thought it was okay to say how huge a pregnant woman was, when they wouldn't dream of telling someone how fat they were.

That shut her up.

I know a lot of them aren't meaning to be insensitive, and don't realise that somewhere between their mouth and my ears their comments get translated into:

"You look fat!"; or
"You are NEVER going to be able to give birth to that! You'll be split in 2."

It's worse if you work (which I did, up to my due date, with my 1st two). Day in, day out...rictus smile in response.

A lot of people aren't used to just how BIG a heavily pregnant woman gets, maybe. Let's face it, given the choice I'd rather be welded to the sofa for the last 2 months

I think the thing to bear in mind is that no-one is meaning to be offensive - if they really thought I was hugely fat, they wouldn't be saing it to my face in a friendly way.

When you are pregnant/ have a baby, people believe it's open season to make any comment they like based on what they think they know.

Every time I tell people my 15mth old's age they always say 'he's big isn't he!' because he is bigger than their experience of a 15mth old.

I don't think comebacks, or counter insults are the answer, because you'll be hurting them, when they weren't intending to upset you.

If it offends you, say so and why - they certainly won't do it to anyone else then .

If you don't want get into a debate just smile and nod .

I got the 'sure it's not twins?' comment the other day. I just said 'no' and stared at her stony faced until she shuffled away uncomfortably.

• Should be she said 'not twins is it?'

I work in a doctors surgery and am currently 28 weeks pregnant. Our Health Visitor walked in yesterday and said "Oh hello Fatty"....

She knows I'm pregnant...

She has previously made comment

"Oh you don't look pregnant you just look fat"

"Oooh too many mince pies over Christmas then? ha ha ha"
and when out for a meal with work last night

"My gog has that bump grown again since Lunchtime - you look huge". and "you shouldn't be eating that pudding - it's not like you need the extra calories..."

I am not what you would consider an overly sensitive person (or may I point out extremley large) but I cannot help but take offence. I was so shocked at the first comment I was speechless but in reponse to the other comments I have told her "Thanks so much you really know how to make me feel good about myself." but obviously this has had no effect whatsoever...

Any ideas on responses welcome...my husband says I should say "yeah but I can diet you'll always be an ugly, insensitive old troll"

....and to think this woman is a health care professional....

Good grief muminabigtum, that is awful! I wouldn't hold back personally - I would tell her that her comments are insensitive and hurtful, that you are pregnant, not fat, and that just because you are pregnant it does not give her carte blanche to make personal remarks. Being subtle has had no effect after all.

Joking about it does not make it alright (though some people think that if you say something in a jokey manner you can say what you like )

well iv just gone back to college since finding out im expecting twins i am only 12 nearly 13 weeks but look about 20! i am studying animal management and one of my lectures is breeding! we had to watch a video on dogs giving birth. half way through i had to visit the ladies room and wen i came back they were all laughing at me because to video had just said to make sure the bitch has an easy route to a garden as the pressure of the litter will be pushing on the blabber. i did try and laugh it off by saying woof woof but then we watch the birth and since then iv had them telling me il be licking them when they come out and eating the afterbirth! i know they think its funny but i dont think they no how scared of birth i am!

at those comments muminabigtumi! Those definitely need a response. She is not being friendly at all, just rude and thinks it is acceptable because you are pg.

The comments I meant were the the tedious daily 'ooh aren't you big' reference to bump type of thing.

Hi Maiou

That is exactly what she is like - she laughs when she says it - as if that makes it ok...I just am so astonished that she could even think that those comments are acceptable...especially being a hgealth visitor and dealing with new Mums and PND etc....it beggars beleif really. Worst thing is she is actually MY health visitor....I am afraid I am going to have to tell her she will not be welcome over my front door step to be honest....sigh

Hippmummy - I know hun, but I also know the "aren't you big" comment can be just as annoying and don't get me started on bump stroking....I had to actually slap a womans hand away the other day and tell her that I really didn't like her keep stroking my bump as it went through me. I think she was shocked and didn't realise how uncomfortable it made me. I told her I didn't mean to offend her and knew she was just being nice but that I just didn't like it!
x

Somebody said to me a few days ago:

"What happened to the baby?" and sort of shuffled around looking pretty uncomfortable. She obviously thought I'd lost the baby because the bump isn't that noticeable (am 22 weeks). That has to rank as the most insensitive thing anybody has ever said to me pregnant (I am on no. 3).

I just laughed and said the baby is absolutely fine.

You'll never win - with DS1 & DS2 people were asking me - when is that baby due in an exasperated tone from about 26 weeks onwards (I was ginourmous - put on 60lbs in both pregnancies). This one (a little girl ) is totally different - I have only put on 6lbs and the bump is hardly noticeable in some outfits.

Just ignore - it's meant kindly (I think)

Marie22 - Sorry you are having to deal with such insensitive people. Take it easy and try to ignore them.

My sister and I call each other fattie when the other is pregnant but if anyone else did it we would probably rip their throats out.

I had a diplomacy reversal when pregnant with ds as I kept on getting the big/is it twins comments and just told them all to eff off.

I get the "are you sure it isn't twins" one all the time.

I think part of the problem is that unless you've been pg yourself, or you've known lots of women who were pg, you don't really know what a pg woman's bump really looks like.

At least that's the excuse I make for people.

Sometimes I laugh the comment off, if I'm in a good mood. But sometimes I just answer, "yes I'm sure it's not twins. Ultrasound's incredibly accurate these days," with a straight face.

If the ensuing comment is then, "well must be a biggun then!!" I answer, "no, actually the mw says my measurements are exactly right for how far along I am."

Does make me look a bit humourless but has the desired outcome!

I'm 35 weeks now and getting really fed up of the comments!

Aren't you big/small?
Sure it's not twins?
Definitely a girl/boy
That one's going to come early/late
That's a big/small baby

I keep telling myself that it's only people being kind and trying to be involved (not like that HV mumina ) but I am getting cheesed off with them all now. I guess they forget that they are the 57th person that day to make some sort of comment

I just smile (grimacing inside) and don't say anything

I am so glad I'm not the only one - I'm getting really fed up with being asked 'are you sure it's not twins' comment which people seem to think is really witty. When you've heard it every few days for the last four months, no, it's not.

To make it even worse, when I moaned to my mum about it, she pointed out how much weight I'd put on! 20lbs and I'm 32 weeks.

Sazzybee I haven't weighed myself since 12 weeks. I figure that I'll do so much running around post-birth that it'll just drop off so why not have another chocolate now?

I think there's a gap in the market; maternity t-shirts with slogans on like "no it's not twins". Then again if you wear that across your chest people might get the wrong idea...

sazzybee-im 32 weeks also,why not come and say hello on the due in march thread?.ive put on 28lb so far which i thought was great compared to the 3+stone i put on in my last pregnancy.actually,i put on 3 stone by 28 weeks.didnt bother weighing myself after that

i dont think it matters how big the bump is,i really dont get why complete strangers think its ok to comment on it.

it gets worse though.i found when expecting no.4(and this time with no.5)that comments arent just limited to bump size,i also get comments about the size of my family(last time they included 'are you keeping it?','how on earth will you cope?'and'havent you got a telly?')this time the most common response was 'i bet that was a shock!'(cos dd2 is only 13months)...yes,i had lots of unprotected sex on purpose as dp and i wanted another baby,i was so shocked when i found out i was pregnant!!!

the worst comment i ever had was a week after giving birth to dd2 when a woman i sort of know said'you're getting big now,arent you'.that nearly reduced me to tears as i'd been really chuffed to be able to do my coat up for the first time in 6 months that morning.

I hadn't weighed myself since my dating appointment at the hospital at 11 weeks but I decided to when my mum said I was fat! I was quite pleased with the 20lbs - better than I'd expected.

Divastrop - that's awful what happened after you'd given birth. Same thing happened to a friend of mine too. I've got all that to come as this is my first.

Five kids - you're a brave lady. And a very blessed one I'd say

It's amazed me how rude people are.

I will pop over to the other thread, thanks - dunno why but it's taken me ages to get round to posting

its ok when you have your first as you still have musclesand dont still look pregnant for 4 weeks afterwards.

my mum asked me if i was growing the baby in my bum when i was expecting dd2.actually,dd1(who was 6 at the time)asked me why my bum was getting bigger'i thought the baby grew in your tummy?'.

"yes, I am quite sure there is only 1 in there. Now piss off!" I am afraid I don't like comments on my size and shape whether pg or not, however well meant, and tend to be rather rude to anyone who dares to comment.

Actually I'd like that on a t shirt too .