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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My husband isn't happy were having a girl

45 replies

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 13:39

Hello

i am 24wks pregnant and feel really lonely at the moment in my pregnancy as my husband isn't getting involved much in my pregnancy as he wanted a boy....

he's very much a mans man and hasn't got a girlie side at all but i would of thought he would at least want to put his hand on my belly when she kicks.

I just wondered really if anyone else had this situation and when there baby was born did everything change. Everyone keeps saying he'll be different when she's her, she'll be daddy's little girl but i can't help getting myself upset about it.

All comments are welcome

OP posts:

SamanthaSnurkington · 17/01/2007 13:42

How upsetting for you, becky.
I'm sure everyone is right, in that your DH will be completely smitten once your DD arrives, but I can completely understand how sad his reaction has made you feel.
Have you told your DH how upset you are about his attitude? Because even if he is a bit disappointed now, his first priority should be supporting his wife in her pregnancy, IMO.

Kelly1978 · 17/01/2007 13:45

I can't help re the gender issue, but my dp didn't ever want to feel the kicking etc. when I was pregnant. He couldn't really bond with them until after they were born, but it didn't cause any problems.

glitterkitty · 17/01/2007 13:45

My dp is the same- and we are having a boy! I think its just that men find it hard to get excited until it actually arrives, dont worry!

sandyballs · 17/01/2007 13:46

Becky - my DH was disappointed to find out both our twins were girls, he expected at least one boy, but from day one he absolutely adored them and they have him wrapped round their little fingers. It's definitely brought out his sensitive girlie side, I know he wouldn't be as cuddly and kissy with boys. So try not to worry, I'm sure when she is born he will be over the moon.

Original poster

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 13:51

Hi yeah i have talked about it to him and explained that i feel very lonely i am the only one who is really looking forward to having a girl.
At first the idea of having a girl frightend me as i haven't had a very good relationship with my mum and we don't speak now but i worried about if i could be a good mum to her but know i have no doubt.

I also find that when i speak to him about the situation the hormones take over and start crying and i think i make him feel guilty then and get lots of cuddles hee hee

OP posts:

lulumama · 17/01/2007 13:51

agree with samanthasnurkington........also, there is nothing you can do about it is there? the baby is a girl so he will have to get used to it

why did he want a boy? to do boy things? can do all that with a girl too ! nothing to do with him not having a girlie side, she is his child too....

i have a boy & a girl, my DH adores both kids obviously, definitely more doting with DD though, even though he said he was keener on boys, as we had a boy first, so he felt he knew what to do with a boy ! but seeing him with DD is lovely, she brings out a much more nurturing side in him...she is so a daddy's girl......

definitely speak to him about this, you still have a fair way to go before baby arrives and you need his support now....

you don;t, IMO, conceive a baby , purely with the notion you want a boy / want a girl..you want a baby, a child....regardless....so you obviously talked about having children. and you are having a child, so he needs to give you support....x

Original poster

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 14:02

Thanks everyone for your comments you have confirmed what everyone has been telling me. I think he'll be smittened when she arrives and maybe towards the end of my pregnancy he'll start showing some support.

Lulumama, answer to your question, he wanted a boy to do boy things like playing football and going to football matches also the main reason which i feel isn't really an issue i think it's silly, is to carry on the family name, he's the last one to be able to do this. it's got to be a mans thing - as for the football thing i said to him that she can go and watch football with you i know many of my friends that are a single child and they go with there dads to watch rugby and football etc.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 17/01/2007 14:04

Aw, poor baby!

She can't help it she's a girl - he's the one who made her that.

Hope he comes around.

sandcastles · 17/01/2007 14:05

My dh didn't want children....full stop!

I left him because of it. We got back together after he 'changed his mind'. Whether he did this to get me back or not, I don't know...would rather not know either.

But we have a dd, 3. He is smitten, wants more. He plays football with her, tea parties & can't wait to take her to the football.

ShowOfHands · 17/01/2007 14:05

I assume you're due in May??

Come and join us on the May 07 antenatal thread. We're very normal I promise you.

Honestly, come on over if you're due in May. Lots of women all going through the same thing. And lots of husbands similar to yours.

lulumama · 17/01/2007 14:06

i guess to him , the reasons are valid......but he can play footie & rugby with a girl and take her to the games...my dad took us ( twin girls!) to the football and played cricket and stuff with us...we have a younger brother too, but dad did the same with all of us ! the family name thing is important to a lot of men...but as i said, nothing you can do about it now ! acknowledge his reasons ( even if you think they are silly !) and i'm sure he will start to come round !!

lulumama · 17/01/2007 14:06

agree expat...the sperm determines the gender of the baby !

Cappuccino · 17/01/2007 14:08

he needs to grow up a bit imo

it'll certainly be a few years before he's taking anyone to the football. Even a boy can be uninterested in football. A girl can be interested.

tell him he needs to get used to the idea of having a baby first - force him to read parenting books about the first months and tell him the support you need NOW

you can't decide what your kids are going to be like before you have them; it doesn't work that way. The taking boys to football thing is a nice fantasy but it's about 0.1% of being a dad

SoupDragon · 17/01/2007 14:09

There are plenty of threads in the archives about the mother's reaction when finding out the gender of the baby and being disappointed. This is no different really. On each one of those threads, the mother fell in love with their "wrong" child pretty much immediately.

sandcastles · 17/01/2007 14:09

The name thing....my friend has double barrelled her name to pass to her children so the family name stays around.

It's not the end of the world, is it?

Enid · 17/01/2007 14:10

my dh never felt the baby kick during all three pgs

tell him to get a life aobut having a girl miserable sod

expatinscotland · 17/01/2007 14:11

DH used to love to wake up the babies and make them kick me.

sandcastles · 17/01/2007 14:12

My dh leant his head on my bump once & she kicked him, right under the eye!

Original poster

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 14:20

he is a miserable sod, he's acts like an old man sometimes.

i'll just keep telling him how i feel and hopefully he starts understanding how horrid he's being and when she's born hopefully he'll realise that she is a wondeful change to our lives which i think he will, I'll keep you informed of what happens.

I feel much better about it after listening to you all, and even the people who have been through it themselves.

OP posts:

thirtysomething · 17/01/2007 14:22

don't worry, I'm sure he'll love her once she's here! We have a ds and a dd and I can honestly say dp loves them in equal measure, with dd being daddy's little angel! He always wanted a ds just because he said he knew what to do with boys, but I think dd has added another dimension. He was amazed when she arrived as dp's family have only produced boys on the paternal side for generations, so he hadn't even considered we may have a girl! And for what it's worth she's very girly but also into football as she knows that's the way to Daddy's heart. On a Saturday afternoon dp takes both ds and dd to watch our local team! Please stop worrying if you can - it's so much harder for men to bond with their baby before the birth.

aDad · 17/01/2007 14:26

yeah, he'll come good I'm sure.

nooie · 17/01/2007 14:40

we were not happy when we found out that we were having a girl as of course we wanted a boy. but once she was born and after about 2months to be honest we now love our baby girl to bits and would not change her and if I get pregnant again we would like to have another girl!!!

Original poster

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 14:46

arhh thats lovely to hear.

see it does all work out right in the end. Am not worrying anymore. Plus i've got my dad whos like a best friend to me he so excited he's having a grand daughter and i enjoy being around him as he makes me even more excited about her, We went shopping for a pram together at the w/end as hubby was working and before that we went and bought a cot.

OP posts:

Enid · 17/01/2007 16:03

why 'of course'?

Skyler · 17/01/2007 16:08

Yes why of course Nooie. How odd
Becky - Men struggle to bond with the bump. Mine did. It will all change when that baby arrives. He will be amazed by the whole thing I bet.

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