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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My husband isn't happy were having a girl

45 replies

beckyw1982 · 17/01/2007 13:39

Hello

i am 24wks pregnant and feel really lonely at the moment in my pregnancy as my husband isn't getting involved much in my pregnancy as he wanted a boy....

he's very much a mans man and hasn't got a girlie side at all but i would of thought he would at least want to put his hand on my belly when she kicks.

I just wondered really if anyone else had this situation and when there baby was born did everything change. Everyone keeps saying he'll be different when she's her, she'll be daddy's little girl but i can't help getting myself upset about it.

All comments are welcome

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 17/01/2007 16:22

Everything useful has already been said, but do tell DH that many women keep their own names on marriage, and even more double barrel or give their children their maiden name as a middle name, so your daughter definitely won't be the Last of His Line.

Reassure him - I know he's being an arse but he might feel just as cross as you. And do try not to go mad with pink things and frills.

BibiThree · 17/01/2007 16:29

Well he must have known when you were trying for a baby that there was a 50% chance he would have a girl.

So what if she isn't into football, it does not mean he won't have a bond with his daughter - she could be into horse riding or athletics or kick boxing or anything that he will delight in taking her to, and seeing his child enjoy.

He'll come round and if he doesn't, kick him in the knackers

motherinferior · 17/01/2007 16:32

WHY OF COURSE?????

A girl can hand the name on, FFS. As Mrs Badger says.

Blandmum · 17/01/2007 16:33

I kept my name! Jeez, Its not hard!

Blandmum · 17/01/2007 16:34

I'll probably be jumped on over this, but honestly there are worse things that can happen. If you are all OK, he really should count his blessings.

motherinferior · 17/01/2007 16:35

My partner, incidentally, finds pregnancy a bit freaky and isn't madly into feeling kicks. He's a twit, of course, for this, but he is very keen on his kids. Both of whom are girls.

Marshmellow · 17/01/2007 16:39

In all honesty all we wanted was a healthy baby. However, we had nicknamed the bump a boys name, my husband was madly telling me what "him and his son" were going to get up to etc and i did feel a slight pressure to produce a boy. However, we now have 2 little girlies and he is over the moon. He says that it is great to play the big softy with daddys girls. Draws the line at playing Barbies in a high pitched squeaky voice! He instantly fell in love with both of them and is now so pleased that he has girls. I am sure your husbands views will change.

ScoobyDooooo · 17/01/2007 16:42

This reminds me of my dp he always wanted all boys when we found out dd was of course a girl he was not disappointed as such but said he would worry alot more as she got older & things. Since the day she was born he has been smitten he adores her & she adores him she is a total daddy's girl she is 1 on saturday & they could not be much closer it's great to see

DominiConnor · 17/01/2007 16:52

As a father I agree about the change between the bump and the baby. In as much as I can simply articulate my feelings was seeing it someone who going to exist, not one that did yet.
Also it's not always easy to get involved. I'm a natural meddler in anything, but there are few constructive things to do. Also with all due respect, it's not always easy to be sympathetic to apparently random mood swings, various biological problems, and a slight fear of it all going terribly wrong.

Certainly, like most blokes I just look blank when a woman says "why don't you care more ?" I care or I don't, there's no switch in there.

One suggestion I have is to find him something to do, get him involved. Painting the baby's bedroom, making something, sorting out the car so that you can be 100 sure it will work on the day. Shopping for large heavy difficult to find things is man's work (hunter gatherer), so maybe you can find something to get him into seeing it as both "real" and something he can take part in.

motherinferior · 17/01/2007 16:54

And actually I find blokes who talk about 'our' pregnancy a bit off-putting. No, mate, I'm the one with a sprog shoved up my internal organs and the one who's got to get it out.

Pamina · 17/01/2007 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cece · 17/01/2007 17:01

My DH would not feel kicks or stuff like that either. Don't worry he is a great dad now. Just didn't like the pg bit.

I also thing he shoudl get over the girl thing - there are far worse things that could have ahgppened - he should count his blessings.

Bubbaloo · 17/01/2007 17:06

What a ridiculous remark to make..."of course"

I would love a little girl.I have one ds and another due shortly,who will be very much loved.It certainly won't take me 2 months of him being here to realise that.What a very sad comment for someone to make.

ScoobyDooooo · 18/01/2007 07:32

Blimey nooie 2 months to come round to having a girl

Frenchsmallfry · 18/01/2007 10:13

"Normal" SOH, hahahahahaha, we are far from it, but seriously becky if you would like some daily/weekly/monthly chat we are very good at chatting. You'll find us
here, the May thread

Original poster

beckyw1982 · 18/01/2007 12:31

Hi it's me the one who's been complaining. I had a chat to him last night and things went really well, he even bought up the idea of having a 3D scan and he said it would be nice to see her before she's born and also having the DVD to show her, herself when she's older. This made me feel really happy that he wants to get involved in something don't think i'll push him just yet to see what girls names he likes.

OP posts:

DominiConnor · 18/01/2007 14:42

I'm glad you're now moving up together. We had a 3D scan and they are very cool, if not all that cheap.
I wonder if DH is a gadget freak like so many blokes ? Maybe put him on the case of baby monitors etc ? Perhaps you could even get him to read up on the options for sterilising bottles, etc ?

dueat44 · 18/01/2007 15:15

I think Nooie means 'of course' in the sense of 'sod's law' rather than 'boys are best!

SHHHH · 18/01/2007 17:06

dh was not like your dh when I was expecting a girl and was involved 100%. It was hard for him I suppose as all friends were having boys BUT he saw it as a positive thing as he was having something they weren't. Im sure he was looking forward to a boy and doing manly thing esp as he's a man's man and not girlie at all....unlike me..!! I was in my element. BUT the day we found out the sex he wanted to go and buy clothes and surprised me by how girly the clothes were that he was choosing.

Secretly I think he loves the fact he has a dd and I find it so cute watching him sit on the couch minding her doll's or feeding them (dd is 19 months)..melts my heart.
He also loves the fact that we have dd and is so gentle with her. BUT then again we were trying for 4 years for a baby and had x2 mc;'s.

We` are now 2 weeks off our 2nd arrival...this time a boy. Although he loves dd he also so wanted to eventually have a boy if we could and he's so excited. I on the otherhand took some time to get used to the idea. I felt cheated and like I bhad failed myself..mad I know. But I am now also excited as i means we both have our mini me's. I can see it from your dh's pov.

Girls are brill and remind him, your dd may not be a girlie girl but a tom boy, someone who will accompany him to footie matches and appreciate mens chat..I on the otherhand...!!

Good luck and don't worry. He will melt once she arrives. xx

pulapula · 18/01/2007 20:48

I think seeing Dad's and their DD's is so lovely- seeing them being so protective and sensitive. I'm sure your DH will come over even more macho and protective when he has his 2 girls (you and DD) to take care of.

I really wanted a DD and DH didn't mind either, and now we have a DD, he hopes the next one is another DD whereas now I don't mind!

I would be very happy for my DD to be a tomboy, and your DH shouldn't worry about the name thing- I still use my maiden name.

I wouldn't worry about your DH and it sounds like he's getting more involved anyway.
My DH is excited about having another baby, but only touches my tummy when I force him to, and doesn't really read up on things or understand how i'm feeling with all the hormones flying around. Guess it's hard for men to empathise and may also feel a bit redundant or useless until it gets to the birth.

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