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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

am i a prude?

30 replies

daydreambeliever · 15/01/2007 21:32

Hi, this is probably a really silly thing to be posting, but i went up to for my first antenatal clinic today, im 18 weeks, and the midwife was so brusque and rushed, she had me jump up onto a set of scales in the waiting room and asked me questions while i stood there, infront of various other women, and a couple of stray men, like 'have you had any vaginal bleeding'. I felt like a prize pig at the fair and was bright red at the 'vaginal bleeding' question being asked in front of random men. Everyone could hear! This is my first baby, am I just going to have to toughen up or was the MW a bit rude?! She was really offhand for the rest of the appointment and now im hoping i dont end up seeing her again. I am so happy to be pregnant, but i ended up leaving the clinic in tears. Maybe my expectations were too high?! What is normal at that sort of clinic, does anyone have any thoughts on this?! Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lulumama · 15/01/2007 21:35

erm..she sounds insensitive and rude and brusque

i would not have wanted to be weighed and asked intimate questions within hearing distance of a room of strangers!

however, now i have had two children, it wouldn;t bother me that much, but before kids, oh yes !

my MW appointments were all in a private room at the docs, with the door firmly shut !

poor you

poppiesinaline · 15/01/2007 21:38

you shouldnt have been asked personal questions in a public room.

I wouldnt have liked that either and Ive had 3 children.

I would have been very cross.

mosschops30 · 15/01/2007 21:40

totally against rules I would imagine her code of conduct should read along the lines of 'patient confidentiality must be maintained at all times' you might want to point this out to her.

I wouldnt dream of asking a patient questions like that in a female ward never mind a waiting room full of strangers including men

nearlythree · 15/01/2007 21:43

Totally out of order, although I know when you are pg and esp. for your first baby it's hard to stand up for yourself.

I've just had my third baby and I had a lot of my ante-natal care from my GP having got fed up with the mws last time around.

mustrunmore · 15/01/2007 21:47

Speaking from experience, I put up with all sorts of crap like this first time, because I didnt know what the norm was. After ds2, i realised that it could have all been sooo much nicer, as it was with that pregnancy and birth. Perhaps you might get a diff Mv next visit? Dont get disheartened. But by the end of the pg, you'll be so desperate to get the baby out,a and feel so whale like, that dignity wont be an issue

TrinityRhino · 15/01/2007 21:48

completely out of order

I would have been horrified to be treated like that and I am on my third
I have never been treated like that and you should never have to again

You can ask not to see her again

She should never have done that, it's not professional and completely against everything she would have been taught

hope you feel better now

Original poster

daydreambeliever · 15/01/2007 21:48

Oh thanks for the sympathy and reassurance! so it was a bit strange then. I didnt know whether I was being silly, as she acted like it was all routine and I was a wolly for not knowing what to do/when to get on the scales. Still Im glad I didnt say anything, Im sure its possible to be marked as a 'troublemaker' in the notes...i'm paranoid as well as prudish !

OP posts:

mustrunmore · 15/01/2007 21:57

First time, we got weighed in a little annexe, but everyone could see in, and had the questions in there too. And I reemeber beingsoo upset because I had a doctor examine me, he told the midwife to 'get the patient ready', i had a loose skirt on purposely, so hitched it up well out of the way. He came back in, and basically threw a wobbly because it wasnt off, kept refering to mre as 'the patient' right in front of me, and made me remove the skirt (which had been 100% under the sheet they drape over you anyway, so what was the point? I felt so belittle. Still makes me angry. But with ds2, diff area, nothing could have been better, not a sinlge thing
And you do forget alot of stuff anyway once that babe is with you!!

SmileysPeople · 15/01/2007 22:01

That does sound out of order, you shouln't stand for that again.
(aside...I wasn't weighed when pregnant, normal or not?)

With DS1 I was so disappointed with my antenatal appointments. I imagined we'd have nice chats about how I was feeling, waht I was experiencing and my plans for the birth.
In reality I felt like I'm been spun around 3 times and pushed back out the door before I knew what had happended!! The MW had no interest in me, ii was routine as fast as possible with a hasseled and disinterested attitude.

RustyBear · 15/01/2007 22:11

I think you do feel less able to object to anything with your first pregnancy. I remember when I had DS & had one appointment with THE CONSULTANT - it was pretty much announced like it was an audience with the Queen. He came in & was there for about 10 minutes, of which 9.5 minutes were spent waiting for someone to find his pen. The MW offered him a pen, his assistant offered him a pen, I was thinking of offering him mine, but only his special pen would do, so we all had to wait, me with the draught whistling around my nether regions, while someone fetched his sodding pen. It arrived, he wrote maybe three words on my notes & swept out. I don't remember that he actually spoke to me at all.
When I went back to the same hospital to have DD, I was all ready to tell the w*nker where to go, but I never got to see him at all.....

Original poster

daydreambeliever · 15/01/2007 22:12

Yes, that exactly what I thought! I imagined a nice cosy chat, I had my little list of questions, I thought she'd have a few ideas about my itchiness (!) - apparently this is a pregnancy symptom- i dont like it!-- and that she'd tell me what would happen, who i'd see when during the pg, but after the county fair moment she took me into a back room and did my bloods, then sat me back in the waiting room, then took me into a private room to fill in a computer template about my medical history, then kicked me out. wasnt what i expected, but everything is fine and i feel basically well so 'mustnt grumble' as they say. Although its never nice to be the recipient of someone's bad day....

OP posts:

nearlythree · 15/01/2007 22:38

No-one ever went near my nethe rregions in three pgs! I think I was weighed for dd1 and ds but not dd2.

Daydream, maybe you should think about joining the NCT and doing their antenatal classes - round here they get booked months in advance so you might want to move quickly.

hotandbothered · 15/01/2007 23:16

If you're worried at all about anything - make an appointment with your doctor. I felt really vulnerable when I was pg. and you need to get the itchiness checked out.

KristinaM · 15/01/2007 23:43

it would have bothered me too and i have 3 kids

sorry i think antenatal clinic are crap . I tried to go to as few as possible and mostly went to my nice female Gp. If that was your booking visit you shoulndt have to go back for months, if you are having a normal pg

KristinaM · 15/01/2007 23:44

forgot to add, IME the only place you can have a nice cosy chat about your pg is here on mumsnet

sandcastles · 15/01/2007 23:45

It's diabolical! Where the hell is your right to privacy?

Complain about her!

cat64 · 15/01/2007 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

suis · 16/01/2007 07:43

Suddenly I am much more appreciative of the MW ante-natal care I have had... always in private in a consulting room, never weighed, always had the chance to ask questions, never been shoved out the door.

I did have a run in with a male GP at our practice who took none of my concerns seriously, esp when I told him about being utterly exhausted from having restless leg. He told me "well, you chose to have this baby" and ended the appointment. I very nearly made a complaint.

Gemmasmummy · 16/01/2007 09:47

You DO have a right to privacy for all NHS appointments including antenatal ones. Read the DoH guidelines on patient confidentiality on the DoH website . On page 21, para 3 there are specific guidelines about discussions with patients. Next time insist on a private room, you're not being a prude at all. Privacy is your RIGHT and your midwife should respect this. What was she thinking of?

chopchopbusybusy · 16/01/2007 10:31

LOL rustybear. I didn't see a consultant when I was pregnant - but have seen two for other things - why do the nursing staff feel it necessary to treat them as though they are God [arse licking emoticon].

Tortington · 16/01/2007 10:41

its very hard if your not an assertive person ( i am not.

luckily i wont ever have to gothrough things like that again.

but if i did - i would skip it.

skip the appointments - use my local gp

just go once every trimester.

i wouldnt have an internal examination.

and no one would be allowed to touch my 'bits'

theres nothing wrong with being a prude.

dollymixtures · 16/01/2007 17:42

LOL chopchopbusybusy. I worked as a medical secretary to several consultants and then became an outpatient manager in our local Trust - IME consultants get treated like gods because they expect to be and if you stand up to them you won't get very far. The female ones were the worst sadly.

Poor you daydreambeliever - what a horrible experience, you should make a complaint, your MW was completely out of order.

It's difficult though isn't it? Even though I'm not intimidated by hospitals and medical staff (given my background) I still find it hard to stick up for myself in appointments because they do seem to expect you to just know how everything works and what's normal.

Katy44 · 17/01/2007 15:34

daydreambeliever - this is shocking. Please contact the patient advice and liaison service at your local primary care trust. If she is doing this to you she will be doing it to everyone, and who knows what other confidentiality and privacy issues she's ignoring. Explain the situation to them, and that you don't want to be seen as a troublemaker.

Lwatkins · 17/01/2007 16:55

Omg! A bit rude? I would have shouted directly back at her 'No vaginal Bleeding, though apparentley SOMEBODY forgot their sensitivity and manners this morning!' Surely they cant treat you like that, how awful! This sort of thing really winds me up, pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time, but it's also very worrying especially for a lot of first time mums. But i found when i went for my 5 month scan that i felt like cattle, the way you were in and out, and no please don't ask us any questions - we don't have time! I thought it was disgusting how rushed i felt and kinda felt bad for asking if everything was OK with my baby, they just didn't have the time to tell me!!!
I am eternally (sp) grateful for my m/w though, she is lovely and always does home visits to me on a saturady/sunday. It's so chilled out and relaxed, she comes in has a chat and a cuppa and speands a couple of hours making sure im ok and asking if there is anything she can do for me! Well yes actually you can pass me another choccie biccie cause i cant be arsed to move....!

Judy1234 · 17/01/2007 17:35

You could say I'm afraid I am not prepared to discuss confidential personal details in front of other people may be. I was never weighed in front of other people.

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