am i a prude?

[daydreambeliever]

Hi, this is probably a really silly thing to be posting, but i went up to for my first antenatal clinic today, im 18 weeks, and the midwife was so brusque and rushed, she had me jump up onto a set of scales in the waiting room and asked me questions while i stood there, infront of various other women, and a couple of stray men, like 'have you had any vaginal bleeding'. I felt like a prize pig at the fair and was bright red at the 'vaginal bleeding' question being asked in front of random men. Everyone could hear! This is my first baby, am I just going to have to toughen up or was the MW a bit rude?! She was really offhand for the rest of the appointment and now im hoping i dont end up seeing her again. I am so happy to be pregnant, but i ended up leaving the clinic in tears. Maybe my expectations were too high?! What is normal at that sort of clinic, does anyone have any thoughts on this?! Thanks.

I'm an American living and giving birth in London - it's my first so I have nothing to compare it to but I'm wondering about the concern about being labled a "trouble maker." Does that really happen and what would the repercussions be? Why say 'musn't grumble"?? Is this a cultural thing I need to learn before I piss off my doctors? lol I'm only 13 weeks and I haven't seen a mw yet.

The American way, I think, would be to grumble a lot at crappy treatment and possibly even to sue for emotional distress! not saying that's better, just looking to learn. "When in Rome" and all that!

dont worry divaskychick, i think i was being a bit over the top. i have worked in hospitals altho not in maternity hospitals, and i think the worst that could happen would be, if the mw was a real bitch, say she puts in your file something along the lines of 'anxious lady' and then everyone you see for the rest of your pg treats you in a 'special treatment' way and rolls their eyes when they leave the room. And probably some people would have the sense to see such a description for what it was...one persons attempt to explain away a bad meeting.

oh no i cant believe i said 'mustnt grumble' my friends take the piss out of me for saying that! i have picked that up from having too many lovely old ladies as neighbours....its an old person thing to say, they probably had to use it as a law during the second world war. i think its ok to grumble these days. on mumsnet. or other confidential forums. no just kidding its fine to grumble, loud and proud. but i just dont think i could, im more of a grumbling afterwards type!

but you know i have decided to bring it up when i see the obstetrician, just in a constructive, can i suggest you move the scales into a cublicle because some of your MW'S are being tempted to cut corners and start the consultation while women are on the scales...and see how that goes down. im seeing him/her next wk so ill keep you posted.

but i wouldnt be comfortable with any more formal complaint because that mw could well be allocated to me whan i go into labour and i dont want to be imagining a bad atmosphere, thinking she might remember me from a complaint.

I see! thanks for clearing that up. I tend to grumble afterwards as well!

I have to tell you, reading so many horror stories on these boards has me feeling like I'll need to be prepared for battle at every meeting. That CANT be a good thing - marinating my baby in anxiety juice... On the other hand, if I hadn't read about the experiences of others, I might not have been prepared at all to defend myself, not knowing what is allowed, what is realistic to expect and what is simply part socialized health care, for which I have the utmost respect.

So I'm trying to calm myself down and just feel prepared for however things go. At the end of the day, even tho being pregnant for the first time feels very special to me, I guess women have been going thru it since 9 months after "Adam met Eve" so I musn't feel TOO special!

daydreambeliever

It sounds like you had a horrible experience with a bad midwife.

I would suggest having a quiet word with the Sister in Charge in clinic and explain what happened. Tell her that you will put your complaint in writing if it happens again. This will usually get results without being seen as a 'troublemaker!'

They wont 'target ' you either - you CAN access your notes and so they daren't say anything too derogatory in them

Most big hospitals do not have a rotatonal system for clinic staff to go to Labour Wards, unless its like a 'stand alone' type small unit or birth centre so you should not meet her in labour! Dont worry there!
Also remember that you can always refuse to be cared for by a particular midwife if you hava had a previous bad experience with her. Its your body after all!

Finally, be assured that the men were probably just as embarrassed as you were at overhearing

Good Luck

And another thing daydreambeliever, weighing shouldn't take place at every appointment, just the booking-in one (where they work out your body mass index (BMI), and afterwards ONLY if there is concern about your weight, for whatever reason. Your weight during pregnancy is then considered in the light of your BMI before pregnancy. They used to weigh people at every appointment but it caused a lot of unnecessary worry (not surprisingly!). You certainly shouldn't have to jump on the scales in a room full of people! It's bad enough doing it in private!