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Original poster

Partner denied paternity leave?? Any advice??

61 replies

PisforPeter · 11/05/2016 20:28

Am 38 weeks pregnant & booked in for a planned Caesarian next week & just found out that my partner is not allowed paternity leave. He started a new job last year & is just a week short to qualify for paternity leave. They won't allow him to take unpaid leave either. Has anybody been through this & come out the other side?? He has 3 days of annual leave he can take. We have a 3 year old also. We have no family nearby & they are fairly disinterested anyway. I can't stop crying, I'm most upset about the fact that this special time for us to bond as a family has been taken away from us Sad

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Legendofthephoenix · 11/05/2016 21:54

My last birth I had to make sure I was heard because my midwife told me it was going to be a difficult birth. Is he looking after your dc while your in hospital you have to stay in there for a minimum 2 days. They will give you needles to inject yourself for a week or so and they want atleast 3 wee wees

Original poster
PisforPeter · 11/05/2016 21:56

Yes, he will. I just hope there's no complications & I do get home quickly or I don't know what I will do.

OP posts:
WriteforFun1 · 11/05/2016 22:01

Wow
This really is crazy
Then again I've seen many crazy employers
Has he specified your date to his boss? If he has then it's too late but if he hasn't, I'd be claiming flu or norovirus....

WriteforFun1 · 11/05/2016 22:07

I can't make sense of this link but it's not saying one year?

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/eligibility

If he is a week short, what happens if he claims your caesarean is happening a week later and then oops, baby's appeared early?

FuzzyOwl · 11/05/2016 22:08

Does your three year old go to nursery or a childminder? If not, could you start that immediately to help take the pressure off you for your recovery after the section? That way you could stay in hospital for two or three days and your DH take/collect your DC from nursery/childminder.

If you husband is just one week short of being eligible, can he put in a request now for parental leave? It will start after your section but at least it means he will be around for some of your recovery time.

Eminado · 11/05/2016 22:18

Gosh meanest boss ever 😱

ChickadeeChick · 11/05/2016 22:27

I can't understand how anyone could be so cruel! I think If it was me I would call in sick anyway. Fuck them, why should he have any loyalty when he's treated like that - I am a manager and would authorise unpaid leave in a second. Hell, i'd authorise paid leave if I could get away with it. Disgusting. I almost want you to name and shame the employer, but realise that would out you. Sorry you're going through this OP SadFlowers

Allyoucaneat · 11/05/2016 22:29

I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

When my second son was born full term straightforward labour, his temperature dropped with and he ended up in special care for 6 days, as I was breastfeeding I needed to stay in hospital with him. I think you need to make plans for something like that happening? My DS wasn't seriously ill but did need monitoring. Thank goodness I had dp and my mum to look after my 3yr old.

Can't he opt to take unpaid leave? Or see his GP and explain the stress it's causing both of you and see if they'd sign him off for that period. My partner was signed off when I had a miscarriage because he needed to care for my 2yr old, so a sympathetic gp might do it.

WriteforFun1 · 11/05/2016 22:47

The meanness doesn't surprise me
It's the stupidity
It will do nothing for loyalty and how good a job will he do if he is fretting anyway?
I asked for a day unpaid when I had to help mum post operation, while on a temp job
They said no, they were okay with day off for the operation but not the day after

It was stressful and the operation ran late...mum doesn't live near me eithet so got home ar 2am ...So I was practically asleep at my desk and at the end of the day in said to my idiot boss "well you were stupid enough to pay me for a day's work when I told you it was a bad idea ".. He looked really stunned.

I got a different temp job shortly after and he tried to offer me a raise!

It makes no actual business sense to treat people this way.

3luckystars · 12/05/2016 03:48

We have leave in Ireland called "force majeure" it's up to 3 days if you have someone that depends on you. I am trying to find the equivalent in the UK but I will keep looking. I found this website here, it might be worth calling them.
www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/

HP07 · 12/05/2016 10:55

Legally he is allowed to take the day of the birth off as emergency leave, then could he use his 3 days of annual leave afterwards to get him 4 days off work? That's almost a week off. Not ideal but maybe a bit better?

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/05/2016 11:16

Not usually one to advocate lying and taking sick leave, but on this occasion it seems your hand might be forced...

If they don't know the date of your cs (?) could he self certify sick when you go in for it? Take a couple of days then tell them he wants to take his remaining leave because as coincidence would have it you had three baby while he was ill. That would give you a week.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/05/2016 11:19

Also I take it he's checked and double checked his company's paternity leave/ discretionary leave policy? I've heard of a few cases of companies being done for indirect discrimination for things like this.

navylily · 12/05/2016 11:26

I'm not sure you can take emergency leave for a planned caesarian though can you HP07 - isn't it legally only for things that are an unforseen emergency? ie you can take it if your child is ill one morning, but you can't take the following two weeks off because they have chicken pox. I'd have thought a planned caesarian isn't really unexpected (unless the OP happens to go into labour early, and therefore it takes place on a different date from planned).

HP07 · 12/05/2016 11:45

Found this on the which website. I guess you would have to look into it a bit more closely to make sure but seem you have the legal right to attend the birth as emergency leave from what it says.

Partner denied paternity leave?? Any advice??
Legendofthephoenix · 12/05/2016 15:52

What ever they want you to do just give it to them and show that you can care for yourself and they may let you out the next day. I can not see the hospital letting you out the same day.

sammyjayneex · 12/05/2016 22:05

You can claim paternity leave up to 56 after baby is born so couldn't he just lie and say baby is due one week later than baby is? And then use his 3 days annual leave before that. Seems very harsh to refuse him paternity leave over a week!

sammyjayneex · 12/05/2016 22:06

56 days *

Legendofthephoenix · 12/05/2016 22:22

He has to prove it to his employer.

sammyjayneex · 13/05/2016 07:42

You don't have to prove a pregnancy to your employer. It says on the .gov website.

navylily · 13/05/2016 07:57

That's not correctSammy To get maternity or paternity leave you have to show them the Matb, as the OP says.

sammyjayneex · 13/05/2016 08:10

Not anymore
I'm 37 weeks pregnant and my husband just has to fill out a form. They never asked for a Matb1

Unless it's different for each company

Original poster
PisforPeter · 13/05/2016 09:21

I think strictly speaking they should have it but I suppose some are more relaxed than others!

OP posts:
Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 10:54

I was asked by my employers for a Matb1 form or otherwise they wouldn't authorise it. It turned out in the end I wasn't entitled to it anyway which was a good thing I did not want to return.

CountessOfStrathearn · 13/05/2016 20:33

Men don't need to show a MATB1 to get paternity leave or pay.

"For Paternity Leave and Pay you don’t need proof of the pregnancy or birth - the rules are different if you adopt."

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave/how-to-claim