'oh I hope it's a girl' type comments

[JhurstB]

Me & DP are expecting baby no 2, I'm currently 38 weeks and only we know the sex. We decided when we found out I was expecting again to keep it to ourselves.

We didn't end up telling people until I was around 25/26 weeks as we didn't find out ourselves till I was over 5 months.

Anyway, here's the issue, we currently have a DS who's amazing & I wouldn't swap him for the world. We're constantly recovering comments about this baby from family member, friends and strangers such as, 'are you hoping for a girl this time', 'I want you to have a girl, there's so much more stuff to buy, 'are you hoping for a girl because you already have a boy?', 'I bet you'd like one of each', 'make sure it's a girl this time around, okay?' Etc etc.

I just kind of smile, shrug and say we won't know until the day, but so long as we have a healthy baby that's all that matters. It doesn't help that people keep stating that I'm definitely having a girl this time around because they're 'convinced'.

I feel like just because my baby's a boy, he's somehow inferior for not being a girl and I'm starting to think it might disappoint some people. My SIL has not long had a girl and my other SIL is pregnant with a girl, so I don't want my baby to be overlooked.

Longer post than I expected, Sorry. I understand that people aren't being deliberately nasty, but comments like this still annoy me. I just wanted a moan, haha!

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like people think the baby is inferior because it's a boy! I have a 5 yo DS and I am 31 weeks with DS2.....the amount of comments I've had about trying again for another girl.....no I have no intentions of having anymore children. ...boys or girls and my DS DP and I are all very excited to have another boy join our family! This child is no less important to me because it's "another" boy!

Of course they're just making small talk but no one is really going to welcome the kind of discussion or suggestion that anything other than a healthy baby of either sex would be utterly perfect. Pregnant woman are hormonal and over sensitive enough without that kind of dickish small talk!

I've got a boy and I'm expecting again. It would be nice to have a girl this time to have the experience of mothering a girl. But then again it would be nice to have another boy as they will be close in age and probably like the same things. But then again they might like the same things if it is a girl this time.

Healthy baby is the most important thing of course, I should know. But I think many people like the idea of having one of each, so when they are saying these things that is what is coming out. I bet many people who make these comments havnt got one of each, they possibly have an idealised view of a 'perfect family'. But I'm sure must of us feel our families are perfect, regardless of number and sex of our children.

I think you are reading too much into it tbh. It's just people making small talk. Good luck with your new baby.

Bit of a late reply, but beautician, just wanted to say how nice it is to hear what you said about raising your boys to be good and respectful men. One of my biggest concerns about raising a boy is how you counteract some of the horrible sexist messages that boys and young men are bombarded with in our society. In some ways I feel it's easier to encourage a girl to challenge and overcome sexist expectations that might hold her back than to encourage a boy to reject sexist assumptions that actually benefit boys and men.

i feel ya. I just follow with "yeah that would be cool but we are excited for a boy too. Soren (my son) really wants a boy" that makes them feel a little guilty.
why do people feel the need to say this all the time though? so annoying

I am 40 and I wouldn't say this, but my mother is 68 and she says it, I wonder if its left over from another era when people had more children, after all it wouldn't matter if we were all going to have 10 children. You only have to go back 2 generations in my family to find a very large family.

I think the sadness comes because we are only generally having 1, 2 or 3, and rarely 4+

People assumed my eldest was a girl, when i had my last little boy, as that must be why I was having him! Take heart 2 little boys will be v v cute. My boys are lovely if i do say so myself! Bring them up the way you want, you don't have to dress them in head to toe black, unless you want too! Whatever makes you happy is the key. you can put them in shirts, there are lovely clothes for boys if you look. I also think slightly longer hair is a softer option, it can still be cut around the ears but with scissors instead of clippers.

I think 2 of one sex actually makes for a great family life, as you can sign them both up for football etc..