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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

'oh I hope it's a girl' type comments

56 replies

JhurstB · 18/03/2016 06:57

Me & DP are expecting baby no 2, I'm currently 38 weeks and only we know the sex. We decided when we found out I was expecting again to keep it to ourselves.

We didn't end up telling people until I was around 25/26 weeks as we didn't find out ourselves till I was over 5 months.

Anyway, here's the issue, we currently have a DS who's amazing & I wouldn't swap him for the world. We're constantly recovering comments about this baby from family member, friends and strangers such as, 'are you hoping for a girl this time', 'I want you to have a girl, there's so much more stuff to buy, 'are you hoping for a girl because you already have a boy?', 'I bet you'd like one of each', 'make sure it's a girl this time around, okay?' Etc etc.

I just kind of smile, shrug and say we won't know until the day, but so long as we have a healthy baby that's all that matters. It doesn't help that people keep stating that I'm definitely having a girl this time around because they're 'convinced'.

I feel like just because my baby's a boy, he's somehow inferior for not being a girl and I'm starting to think it might disappoint some people. My SIL has not long had a girl and my other SIL is pregnant with a girl, so I don't want my baby to be overlooked.

Longer post than I expected, Sorry. I understand that people aren't being deliberately nasty, but comments like this still annoy me. I just wanted a moan, haha!

OP posts:

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Ilovenannyplum · 18/03/2016 09:09

Congratulations on another boy OP

I have one son and without a doubt, if we were to go on to have DC2, I would prefer a boy but I also get the comments about a second being a girl, one of each will be lovely, blah blah blah

I think boys are fab, your boys will hopefully grow up to be the best of friends

Pedestriana · 18/03/2016 09:26

I loath this kind of small talk. The defence is that people are just fishing around for something to say. But that doesn't make it right.
I would be saying things like "how lovely, your DS will have a sibling" or "aren't there some lovely clothes around for babies right now?"

Arfarfanarf · 18/03/2016 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kpo58 · 18/03/2016 09:31

I got the shame that you aren't having a boy from my inlaws (this is my first pregnancy).

For some reason, in their mind, as my SIL had a Boy, only boys will be able to be friends and play with each other, rather than a girl and a boy.

possum18 · 18/03/2016 09:33

I feel your pain! I'm pregnant with twin boys and I've had so many comments about trying for a girl after..etc. Even had someone say 'better not have anymore, imagine trying for a girl and ending up with twin boys again!'

What's wrong with having boys? I was delighted to be having two baby boys, having grown up only with sisters and female cousins.

ShowOfHands · 18/03/2016 09:35

People say all sorts of things as small talk. It's usually people trying to make conversation. The emotive reactions are due to the subject, not the intent of the other person. My colleague told me she'd booked a holiday yesterday. I said "are you excited?" I meant "how lovely, I'm interested, please tell me more about your excitement". I'd mean the same if I asked if she was excited about her pregnancy. Only I'd get a thread about what an insensitive and nosy bitch I am.

Sometimes people are being unmitigated twats but they're just twats. The subject matter is irrelevant. The vast majority of people are really trying to show interest.

OliviaDunham · 18/03/2016 09:45

I have 3 boys, my brother has 3 boys and my sister has a boy - each time a pregnancy was announced my DM would say "I'll try not to be disappointed if it's another boy!", which have to say none of us were impressed with.

Ignore people, they're idiots. I often get asked if we are going to try again for a girl to "complete" the family - no I'm not, my family is complete with my sons thank you very much.

TeamSteady · 18/03/2016 10:01

I have two DS and we are 28w with DC3 who is a surprise. I knew with both boys so really excited not knowing what this one will be and it's lovely. I couldn't give a hoot whether its a boy or girl, I'm too excited about WHO this baby is going to be rather than their genitals...

Altho DS2, age 6, did point out to me the other day that I would have made a really good tudor queen, and "probably wouldn't have had my head chopped off" as I already have an "heir and a spare", and i could be a really super queen if i had three boys!

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 18/03/2016 10:38

I am pregnant with ds4. This will definitely be our last as we are at the financial limit now. DH has booked his first vasectomy appt for the consultation.

We've had "oh no you've got to have another so you can get your girl", "what a huge disappointment" and "how will you cope with 4 boys".
The worst comment has to be from MIL when told by DH her reply was "oh dear are you ok with that?". I've had it now. I say to people "do you realise how rude you are" as well as letting them know that my older boys aren't deaf. If the in laws say anything else my response will be to walk away after telling them what arse wipes they are.

Oh we also got from MIL "I dread to think of his ridiculous name". She hates ds3s name which is Teddy and we love it. So I'm telling her we are calling him Paddington when we do the birth announcement in keeping with the bear theme. I will put her out of her misery eventually. Although I expect to get a comment like "I preferred Paddington"

zoomtothespoon · 18/03/2016 11:32

I had that when pregnant with DC2... Someone said 'I hope for your sake it's a girl so you don't have to do it again' as if you're incomplete until you've had a girl

KnitsBakesAndReads · 18/03/2016 12:24

I absolutely hate comments like this! The other day I told someone we're expecting a boy (our first baby) and she replied "I bet your DH is pleased about that then?" as though I wouldn't be happy to be having a boy or there's some reason that a man would prefer to have a son rather than a daughter. Actually we're both just excited about becoming parents and the idea of having a preference for a son or a daughter never crossed our minds.

I think the reason it winds me up so much is that I often find these comments are linked to stereotypes about boys and girls. People seem to think if you have a girl you can't introduce her to typically 'boy' activities like going to a football match, and if you have a boy then you can't do so-called 'girl' activities like baking or crafts with him. For what it's worth, our DS will both be going to football matches and learning to bake (assuming he's at all interested in either activity)!

Congratulations on your DS, OP, and hope having a rant on MN helped you feel better about all the ridiculous comments.

BeauticianNotMagician81 · 18/03/2016 12:42

Knits yes that's what winds me up. That boys can only do boy activities like football, rugby etc. My boys bake and DH is better at baking than I am. My youngest ds likes playing with a pushchair with 'his baby' in.

I like to think I will be responsible for letting four good, respectful men into the world. I've already told my older two that they aren't leaving the house until they can cook, clean and make tea. I've also told them that you only have one girlfriend or boyfriend at a time. They may not be perfect adults but I will be doing my best to insure they are pretty decent chaps.

CPtart · 18/03/2016 13:22

I have two boys and my brother has a son. My DM was "gutted" when my nephew was born as there won't be any more children and she was desperate for a grand daughter. Once trying to hug my boys who weren't over keen she sighed "oh for a little girl". I have never forgotten or forgiven her for that comment.

Shesinfashion · 18/03/2016 14:10

I never had any comments like this at all when I was expecting DD2. Not one. TBH I was really hoping for another daughter so it wouldn't have bothered me anyway.

Scattymere · 18/03/2016 14:59

OP def happens other way round, so many people are rather boring and traditional, and have this conventional notion of 2.4 children, 1 of each bla bla bla....
2 boys are gorgeous. I have DS (2) and expecting a DD but was not fussed, I'm excited its a girl but I see DS playing with other lovely boys his age and have a slight pang for him to have a brother. I'd like 3 anyway so secretly hoping if we do, 3rd Dc is a another boy. Enjoy them, boys are gorgeous!

fanks · 18/03/2016 20:37

Omg this drives me nuts!!! I have 3 girls and pregnant with DC4 and the amount of oh still trying for a boy type comments?!? Argh nope just always wanted 4 kids regardless of gender.
When they find out number 4 is a boy it's all bet OH is pleased?!? People are so thoughtless!!!

seeyouinthetreehouse · 18/03/2016 20:51

I think most people just say these things without any malicious intent. It's just conversation and they're trying to show an interest. I've had comments but it's easy enough to say 'we are just happy that we're going to be parents again' or whatever, I think it helps to choose not to be offended by things like this. Obviously insensitive when it's a close relative sharing their own preference, but the general 'wouldn't it be nice to have one of each' is harmless in my opinion.

Original poster

JhurstB · 19/03/2016 07:33

CP- that's awful! I'd be gutted if my parents said that, it's so insensitive. My parents have been nothing but happy so long as the baby's okay.

I know I shouldn't get offended with these type of comments but when you're listening to them all the time, it's hard not to. It's hard enough when friends, in laws, siblings etc say these sorts of things but if it was my own parents and they made it clear that they had a preference I'd be upset.

OP posts:

sidonie1 · 19/03/2016 09:39

Completely sympathise - I have three boys and get comments all the time like, "poor you!", etc. And preg again and dreading all the insensitive / offensive comments. But I think people just like to say stuff really. I always feel more forgiving of complete strangers as always assume they're lonely and just want to chat.

TheCrumpettyTree · 19/03/2016 21:37

I have two boys and people's stupid comments annoy the fuck out of me.

No I'm not going to try for a girl, if I wanted another it would be because I wanted a baby not down to the sex. It's offensive to the children I have.

Original poster

JhurstB · 19/03/2016 22:22

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels pissed off at times. I usually just shrug off the comments made, but sometimes I want to shout in people's faces that I don't care what sex the baby is, i just want a healthy child.

OP posts:

Mermaid36 · 20/03/2016 06:15

Before we knew I was pregnant with (girl) twins, if anyone asked, I'd say "we're hoping for a unicorn" with my brightest smile on....

Bizarrely, now we know that the babies are girls, we've either had people getting super/over excited that I'll get my girls, or commisarating DH on the fact that he won't get his boys...

I often point out to people that "my" girls are so active (kicking the crap out of my insides) that they are destined to be kickboxers like me and will be starting lessons as soon as I can get them in the gym....that tends to shut them up...

sianihedgehog · 20/03/2016 06:22

I told everyone I was hoping it would be kittens. They laughed, the subject was changed.

mrsmugoo · 22/03/2016 16:06

Yes I'm pregnant with my second - a girl. I already have a son. All the "one of each" comments are really annoying - I adore my son and I would have been blessed to the moon and back if I'd had another son.

People are dicks.

SoupDragon · 22/03/2016 16:36

People are dicks.

No, people are just making small talk.

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