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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Having mum as birthing partner as well as husband

63 replies

Inwaiting · 15/02/2016 13:50

Any thoughts?

I'm kind of 50/50. I'd love my mum to be there for support and guidance on 'd' day but also wonder whether it should just be my husband and I. My mum and I are very close.

Just wondered what you did and whether you think I'd regret it either way?

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LadyLuck81 · 16/02/2016 12:25

I didn't want my mum there. I love her dearly but it was a time for me and my H. So trying to have her there wasn't on my last. I sometimes wonder if it's broadly an age / circumstances thing. I was 30 when I had my first, had lived away from home for nearly 12 years, and was (and still am) in a stable and supportive marriage.

Anecdotally I've seen more younger women OR those who for whatever reason aren't able to have their partner/baby's father there look to have their mother instead of or as well as.

SirChenjin · 16/02/2016 12:35

I think that's true Lady. None of my friends had their mums present but we were all older, had been away from home for many years and had been in long term marriages or partnerships.

More younger women in One Born Every Minute seem to have their mums (who are around the same age as me!) with them as well as their partners, while the older mums are just there with their husband/partners - so of course, this counts as a robust scientific study

harrasseddotcom · 16/02/2016 12:41

my mum has been present at all mine and my sister's births (that will be 4 going on 5 and hopefully 6 :D) Its not even a question, she was expected to be there, and i know there's nowhere else she'd rather be. I guess it depends on your relationship with your mother. Dp's didnt get a say. Tbh, at actual time of giving birth, I wouldnt have giving a flying fuck whether half the village was in with me whilst giving birth :D

katienana · 16/02/2016 12:42

I had my mum there. She gets on very well with my dh and I think he appreciated her presence even more than I did! Two birth partners is good for practical things like one of them held the gas and air and the other had my water, dh held my hand when I was being stitched and mum cuddled ds. Mum also organised my dad to go out and buy larger baby clothes as the first size didn't fit ds! It worked really well for us but it all depends on your dynamic.

ppandj · 16/02/2016 13:03

I discussed with DP and he said it was my choice as I was going through it, but he didn't mind as he gets on well with DM. I wanted her there and she wanted to be there. She was fabulous! DP was very anxious and had to keep going to the toilet, so I had company, and she helped calm him down. She did a lot of the phone calls to my family which helped me out. She was just brill and I'm glad I shared the experience with her too.

katienana · 16/02/2016 13:06

Just to add I was 28 when ds was born and had been with dh for 8 years.

Clockworklemon · 16/02/2016 13:09

I had my DM and DH with me for birth of first child. Unfortunately it meant my DH took a step back from being involved and at one point DM sent him home "for a rest" which meant that he nearly missed the birth!! Never again...

YerAWizardHarry · 16/02/2016 13:12

I was induced and was only allowed one birthing partner when on the labour ward, something to consider. Sane as when I went to theatre for my section

Tfoot75 · 16/02/2016 13:40

I can remember discussing with DM before I had my first, as I think being asked to be at the birth is something of a status symbol among mothers of daughters at that age! Not sure of the logic.

I never considered having anyone except DH there, my position is that he is all I ever need for support, which I thinks says a lot about our relationship and my vote of confidence in his ability to support me and to be an equal parent really. my relationship with DM really had nothing to do with it.

starkers1 · 16/02/2016 13:53

I had mum as well as DH there at DS's birth. Very glad I did and having her at my Dc2's birth in around 3 months too.
4 pairs of solid, caring hands on deck around you better than IMO, assuming you get on very well with your mum that is.

motherinferior · 16/02/2016 14:10

It's totally up to you.

I don't really see childbirth as a 'special time' for the parents as a couple, though.

Pieface12 · 17/02/2016 11:04

My mum was there when I had DS. I wanted someone who knew exactly what I was going through there. She didn't interfere, she just sat back and said that she was there if I needed her. She encouraged DP to sit with me, rub my back etc. I couldn't have done it without her and DP says she was worth her weight in gold and that it was nice to see a familiar face when he felt a little overwhelmed. I've asked her to be there for the birth of my second child in a few weeks time.

Anniefluff790 · 19/04/2016 10:50

I'm planning to have DH and his mum - my mum passed away when I was 11. MIL and I have become very close and treats me like her own daughter so I'd love her there. Shes also a very laid back person which will come in handy when DH decides he's not a fan of the blood, needles or anything else remotely medical. Big bear but bloody useless My close friend and adopted mum work in the labour unit I will be going to as well, so they plan to keep a close eye if either have to leave the room for any reason. Thank feck I have people round me to help!

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