smoking..

[Minniemouse94]

Thought I'd post here to say this is my 5th day of not smoking and I feel so brilliant knowing my child is benefiting from this!
Any mummies to be who are still smoking, have faith in yourself! You're stronger than you think!

Totally agree Ducky

Also OP has said she is not looking for praise, she posted to encourage others.
Given the attitudes of others I think that was a pretty brave thing to do.

Not seeking praise and being surprised / upset by negative responses are two different things.

I'm pretty sure no one at all has said "what's the point of stopping now?" Quite the opposite from what I've read. Stopping smoking at any stage of pregnancy is a positive step. People are just being realistic about the fact that for two thirds of pregnancy the developing fetus was exposed to the toxins introduced by smoking cigarettes and there's no skirting around that however much the op deserves a pat on the back for giving up in the end. I think the phrasing of the OP maybe didn't sit so sympathetically with some and insinuated a bit of self congratulation which for me isn't appropriate under the circumstances.

Ruby I'm only 7+5 so I hope it doesn't last!! I hate the smell of smoke. It's the smell of tobacco I want. Builder left his baccy drying on the radiator a few weeks ago. It smelt weirdly wonderful

I think the phrasing of the OP maybe didn't sit so sympathetically with some and insinuated a bit of self congratulation which for me isn't appropriate under the circumstances.

This. I also highly doubt that at 27 weeks pregnant, OP just happened to notice 2 weeks ago that she was expecting. Oh, right, her periods still carried on, she didn't have a bump, didn't feel any movement, didn't feel ill or off in any way. Insinuating that that was the case is nonsense.

If anyone, in this day and age, still needs educating that smoking is bad for your baby, then they're beyond help. Crowing about the "benefits" her baby is getting at this late stage is ridiculous. It's like running someone over in your car and expecting back-pats because "I only ran them over a little bit".

If she was 8 weeks pregnant, this thread would have totally different responses. It's good you've stopped, OP, but do yourself (and everyone else) a favour and acknowledge that 26 weeks is a long time. You'd get a lot more sympathy that way. Also, the phrasing of "child" and then the casual reveal that OP is still pregnant shows that she does NOT at all appreciate the gravity of what she's been doing to her baby.

Eh? What was she supposed to say, foetus? It is her child. She posted in pregnancy... It doesn't take the abilities of Sherlock Holmes to work that one out.

PP is quite right though, I don't think anyone should be surprised by negative responses on MN of all places.

I also pondered how this thread would be received elsewhere on MN.

There was a much kinder, more human response on the other site too.

fuckup Lots of people post in pregnancy when they shouldn't. "Am I pregnant?" threads should go in conception. As should TTC threads. Childbirth threads should go in Childbirth. People don't always post where they should.

OP could have been a frequent contributor to this board when she was pregnant and was now coming back through habit or friendship to this board to post.

The growth of a human being is pretty universally known to be
foetus > baby > toddler (if you want to throw an extra stage in) > child > pre-teen / adolescent > teen > adult.

By using the word "child" instead of "baby" OP gave the impression that the baby was out of her and had been growing for some time (eg was maybe 3 or 4). Whether that was deliberate or just thoughtlessness, I can't say.

Funny that's the only bit of my post you pick up on.

Well done. It's very hard but you're harder.
Keep it up!

Keep it up! You'll feel so much better.

Addiction is a pretty difficult thing to comprehend especially as it's experienced differently by individuals. I find it sad that people are so small minded that they don't realise that their experiences and circumstances are not necessarily applicable to others.

You're doing really well and keep it up and try not to let the judgemental types get you down. Small victories are important.

Well done Minnie and congratulations on your PG

I hope your words of encouragement are helpful to other women who are struggling to quit in pregnancy and that they are not put off by some of the less helpful comments on this thread.

Today in the UK, around 12% of pregnant women are still smoking at the time of delivery. This could be lower if pg women didn't feel too ashamed to ask for help. As it is, NICE have to publish specific guidance to help stop smoking advisors overcome the shame hurdle before they can do their job and help PG smokers to quit.

I smoked during both of my pregnancies - not because I thought it was OK, just because I couldn't stop. I managed to stop smoking during my second pg but started again after I had DS. I cared deeply about both my PG and consequently felt deeply ashamed. That didn't help and neither did it help when well-meaning people tried to make me feel even worse. Low self-esteem is not conducive to successful quit attempts.

I've been on MN for over 5 years but it's only in the last year that I have 'owned up' on here to smoking during PG. It's quite a scary thing to do because of the flack that smokers get on here but it's important because there are lots of women who are desperate to stop smoking in PG but who find it really hard. MN should be a place that supports and helps them and it won't be if it's too scary for them to admit it in the first place.

at any PG smokers lurking - Every cigarette you don't smoke will make a difference and it's never too late in pregnancy for quitting, or even just cutting down further, to make a difference. Come on over to the stop smoking section - no judgment just lots of support, encouragement and helpful advice (There are a few posters there who have also quit for new year if you fancy joining in, Minnie)

Today in the UK, around 12% of pregnant women are still smoking at the time of delivery. This could be lower if pg women didn't feel too ashamed to ask for help.

Hear, hear! Shaming is helping nobody, especially the babies.

Smoking in pregnancy is always going to be contraversial, everyone knows the risks and obviously the ideal is that nobody would but from what I gather I doubt it is always as easy as just stopping. The Op had cut down and has now quit, that is still an achievement and every day is helping the baby.

As for it being offensive to other women ttc, infertile, mc etc. I don't agree, there is different forums on MN so I doubt anyone suffering fertility problems or mc would come on a pregnancy thread as it would obviously be upsetting whatever the Op was talking about.

Who said anything about it being 'offensive' to those women?

Who said anything about it being 'offensive' to those women? It's a sense of perspective issue, 'tis all.

Fucking shite mobile app

It is perspective, but I do also find it a bit offensive myself. There are women desperate for a healthy baby, doing everything they can to make sure they bring a healthy baby to term, reading all the books, denying themselves caffeine and alcohol and cigarettes and all sorts, having lost one or more pregnancies previously, and then someone comes on expecting praise for stopping smoking for 5 days after knowingly doing something for 26 weeks that will hurt their baby. Yes, that does put things in perspective, 100%.

As for women TTC not coming on this thread, it had the vague title of "smoking". Not "I've been smoking while pregnant but have finally managed to stop", just "smoking". By the time a poster had figured out what exactly the post was about, it would have been too late. It could have been "I'm TTC, should I stop smoking now?", or "I know someone smoking in pregnancy, how can I encourage them to quit?" or any number of questions or comments relating to smoking and pregnancy.

Well done OP you can't turn the clock back but not smoking now is such a positive step. Don't think that negative comments here were very helpful at all - what's done is done. X

No one has come outright and said "this is offensive". It was asking the OP to not be 'put out' by the fact that not all people who have commented on this thread are waving congratulations banners, for reasons such as, there WILL be people who have had issues who will see this thread on the active page of the app, or the most recent of page of the website, and there will be people who find smoking whilst pregnant abhorrent and totally unacceptable. I didn't find this thread by going to a topic. It appeared in the app on the front screen.

Most of the mentioned 'less helpful comments' have not said anything 'not helpful' in terms of quitting smoking, but are simply pointing out to the OP that she should have expected some backlash on such a topic.

Some of the cheerleaders on this thread have either not read the critique or are choosing to put their own spin on it.

It's not offensive though is it? When I was pregnant and struggling with my anorexia and being pregnant I was told I was being offensive to those ttc it's not offensive.

People cannot help what they struggle with and yes 26 weeks is a long time but Atleast OP has decided to quit and that takes a lot of willpower.

Everyone will see it differently from how they perceive the thread I suppose. Im thankful to be pregnant again after a previous loss and am personally not offended by something like this. I don't think the OP needs the negativity she has made it clear she realises the damage it does and has stopped.

Well done op! Everyday you don't smoke is better for baby.

Giving up is bloody hard, pregnant or not. The e-cig won't harm the baby so don't worry x

Well done, OP. I've read a load of sanctimonious drivel on here in my time, but some of this is really quite silly, and enough to drive you to drink and fags. (oh I JEST.) Also, how one person copes with withdrawal and addiction habit breaking has no bearing on how another person is equipped to do so, so let's ignore the shaming from those a little bit luckier than you in that department.

I think you know that ideally you'd have stopped straight away, without all of these helpful posters reminding you. Focus now on the future. By stopping now you have vastly cut any risk to your baby. In an ideal world you'd have got help earlier, but we don't live in an ideal world. Best of luck! Try to find a good distraction, and keep it up

I applaud anyone who is taking steps to better their health and that of their child. Wouldn't we all love to be perfect! The truth is, none of us are. I know categorically, as an ex smoker, that I would never have smoked during pregnancy. Quiting smoking was difficult but I knew I could do it. Does that give me the right to judge someone who has found this more challenging? No!! Addiction means different things to different people. Often, cigarettes can be an emotional crutch etc. Some people have to face so much adversity on a day to day basis that giving up smoking becomes even more of a challenge! You can't judge a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Well done OP! Ignore these people who have obviously never done wrong, never made a mistake and clearly spent too long with their heads in the clouds to have a clue about life!

Most of the mentioned 'less helpful comments' have not said anything 'not helpful' in terms of quitting smoking, but are simply pointing out to the OP that she should have expected some backlash on such a topic.

The message those posts send is that MN is not a place to come for support in quitting smoking while pregnant. That is deeply unhelpful. This isn't AIBU and there was nothing about the OP that suggested she wanted a debate or any 'backlash'

MN is surely a big enough forum to support all sorts of people in all sorts of circumstances, some of which will of course be upsetting for some other people. That's what 'hide thread' is for. PG women who are struggling to quit smoking have as much right to ask for support here as other posters who are TTC or have had MC or other issues.