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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant and husband doesn't want another baby

44 replies

C4ALR · 30/10/2015 22:59

I don't know what to do my da is 40 I'm 28, he has 2 children from a previous relationship many years ago and we have our own son who is nearly 2, we've been together 10 years.
Basically my dh didn't want any more children when we got together but because I did we agreed we would have one.
Took 3 years to conceive after lots of tests, medication and a miscarriage.
I have now fallen pregnant on no medication (God kbows how) but my dh really doesn't want me to keep it.
He says our life is perfect we've just redone our house built an extension, our son is at a fantastic age which we are enjoying so much. But.... I don't know if I can give up the chance of another baby. He's concerned because we had lots of troubles throughout my other pregnancy.
Basically iv got a choice, I don't keep the baby and we live as we are or I keep the baby we sell up get divorced get a place of my own out of our house sale and I do it alone.
I'm so confused I love my life only today I was saying I wouldn't plan another one, I don't want my son o grow up without his dad around but would I resent my dh if I didnt keep the baby.
Please any advice x

OP posts:
Junosmum · 30/10/2015 23:04

Yes you would resent him if you terminated for him. If YOU want to terminate then that is different. Hard decision. Might he come round?

Original poster
C4ALR · 30/10/2015 23:06

No his mind is set, but iv always known how he would feel so it's not a shock, I get it, I understand what he is saying but that doesn't help me.
Part of me doesn't want my life to change and I really don't want my son to grow up without his dad, our relationship ia good but this will be the end of I keep it

OP posts:
Sunshine511 · 30/10/2015 23:09

This is a very difficult situation. How awful for you having to go through this. Are you certain that to keep the baby would result in a divorce? It's obviously completely your choice but I think you need to listen to your heart. Once this decision is made, it's forever and you have to be able to live with whatever decision you come to. I don't have any first hand experience of this and I'm sorry I can't be of more help.x

madwomanacrosstheroad · 30/10/2015 23:16

If he is so sure he does not want another baby, why did he not take control of his fertility and have a vasectomy?

Tootsiepops · 30/10/2015 23:22

Just so that I'm 100% clear - has he specifically said that if you keep it, he'll file for divorce?

cheekyfunkymonkey · 30/10/2015 23:31

You know your husband, and you probably know the answer. If you want this baby don't allow him to pressure you into anything you don't want to do. If you don't want the baby, then that's another thing but it does seem like he is putting all of this onto you. Don't be railroaded. Can you speak to anyone on RL to help you work through how you feel?

ElleAndAitch · 31/10/2015 01:04

Are you seriously telling us that in keeping this baby your dh would divorce you and abandon the son he has already? Despite him not having taken responsibility for contraception to avoid this very scenario? What a bastard he is.

nagsandovalballs · 31/10/2015 01:10

What Elle said - he's either a bastard for not sorting out his own fertility and threatening you with divorce/abandonment or he's just scared of the extra commitment/cost/lifestyle change. However, your son is two. It's not like you've battled through 4/5yrs and are properly out of the baby stage. It's not going to be a huge upheaval, just delay getting back on track by 2 years. I'm a huge supporter of abortion but if you really want a second child, then you should have it, as he didn't control his fertility. He is your husband, so divorce won't be pretty for him. It will mean division of assets, including the newly renovated house, spousal support and child maintenance, all of which will be way worse than than having to accommodate a new baby!

bearleftmonkeyright · 31/10/2015 01:14

I'm really sorry, I think he is unbelievably callous. Whether you keep the pregnancy is entirely your decision.

Readyforthefuture · 31/10/2015 06:45

What a tough situation, I'm sorry your having to deal with this dilemma. I guess ultimately you will have a gut feeling about what to do here. But it sounds like the life you have had up until now is to some extent over now because neither of you have managed to prevent this pregnancy.

From what you're saying, it doesn't sound like there is much hope for your relationship either way, if you keep the baby he goes, if you don't you'll resent him which is ultimately likely to mean, he goes. So the question left is, do you want to bring this baby (and your son) up alone? The only other alternative is one of you changing your minds and embracing the others decision - only you know if that is possible in your relationship.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/10/2015 06:49

Has he said he will divorce you if you keep it? There's your answer there as he's a total bastard

hesterton · 31/10/2015 06:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 31/10/2015 07:16

Errm. I would keep the baby and lose the almighty twat if I were you.

Original poster
C4ALR · 31/10/2015 07:17

Yes he does take a part it bringing up caring for our son.
We were medically told that without medication I would never full pregnant which is why this is such a shock
He is prepared to financially support me if I decide to do it alone, buy me a house which will have no mortgage and everything he just can't go through the worry again he said he doesn't cope well at all gets quite depressed easily.
I just don't know, I'm more worried about our son growing up in a broken home I always said I didn't ever want that for him x

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 31/10/2015 07:22

I understand he may be really worried etc but frankly I think he's being a bully.

nagsandovalballs · 31/10/2015 07:24

Meh, I'm from a 'broken' home and have a PhD, some lovely horses, a great family, a long term relationship, very heathy income form work that I enjoy. Not necessarily in that order! My dad is a prick and abandoned my mum because he didn't want more kids, the came crawling back but the trust was gone.
If you struggle to fall pregnant, how would you feel about choosing to end this one?

Scarydinosaurs · 31/10/2015 07:25

I would never terminate a pregnancy if I knew I wanted the baby.

I would rather have two children on my own than a marriage with a man who would ask me to terminate his baby.

And there is always a risk of pregnancy unless your uterus has been removed. He needs to take responsibility for his behaviour.

I'm so cross on your behalf.

Andcake · 31/10/2015 07:33

I'd keep a baby over a man anytime. I too struggled to conceive and haven't been lucky to fall again but in your boat I'd keep it.
He could come round, you could miscarry, he might not come round but you have to make the decision for you.
Something else might upset the marriage in a few years time and you'll look back de estates at the choice you made.

cece · 31/10/2015 07:34

Regardless of whether you keep the baby or not I think I would file for divorce from such a callous and hard hearted man.

If it were me I would have the baby and get the divorce.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 31/10/2015 07:35

You don't want to terminate, you'll end up resenting him. Keep the baby and go it alone. He sounds horrible

Original poster
C4ALR · 31/10/2015 07:43

I wish I had a crystal ball, I can't cope with much more.
It makes it more difficult because I don't know how I feel really or what I want.

OP posts:
Alanna1 · 31/10/2015 07:47

Can I suggest you go and talk to your gp and see if you can get an urgent referral for counselling / family counselling?

Original poster
C4ALR · 31/10/2015 07:55

It's such bad luck it Saturday because I can't see a doctor till least Monday mow, I dont know how far gone I am be has I don't have regular periods I cant rember te last time I had one which is why I don't understand how it's happened but I'm definitely not months gone because of my size.
Iv gained no weight, and only been feeling sick the last week hence why I went to doctors thought I had reflux. Clear blue test says 3+ weeks but that could be anything

OP posts:
ejclementine · 31/10/2015 07:59

How terribly sad that he won't support you. Essentially you have been given an ultimatum with no good outcome for you - either you lose your baby or you lose him. That's not love in my book. Surely he would worry just as much about your child if you were separated, or does he mean he would walk out of all of your lives?

ejclementine · 31/10/2015 08:02

He also has no regard for the effect an abortion might have on your mental state; does he not care if you are depressed? Has he always been this selfish?

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