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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Doctor made me feel like shit.

69 replies

sammyjayneex · 01/10/2015 10:49

So went to doctors to start maternity care because I've just found out I'm pregnant and again I told him what I wanted from the off. He then asked how many children I already, I told him and his reply was '' and you wanted more?''
I didn't want a lecture. I told him I wasn't here for lecture on how many children is acceptable to have and he's like' oh we ask these standard questions' but his tone was horrible and intimidating. Left feeling quite upset. Are they allowed to speak to me like that? And did I deserve it because I've had another child when its not deemed acceptable?

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Only1scoop · 01/10/2015 15:03

Had he already asked if it was planned? Was it not just a way of asking that?

JawannaDrink · 01/10/2015 17:21

So he was merely asking whether you wanted to have a baby or not. So doing his job

Some people will complain about anything.

KP86 · 01/10/2015 17:38

A friend of mine suffered a miscarriage (I don't think it was her first) and the GP she saw said something along the lines of 'Perhaps this is God telling you now isn't the time' - and she went straight to the practice manager and made a formal complaint.

OP, I understand exactly where you are coming from. A more appropriate response might have been 'are your other children excited about the new baby?' or nothing at all. He was judging you, and it was not his (or anyone else's) place to do so.

To the others saying he was doing his job, by OP saying she was there to arrange maternity care, surely that answers the question that she wants to continue with the pregnancy?

JawannaDrink · 01/10/2015 17:49

How is that remotely similar?
and would have been a terrible response, nonsensical in fact.

definiteissues · 01/10/2015 17:50

Perhaps he was off with you because you kept him waiting and then laughed in his face about it rather than apologising. I wouldn't be happy about that eirher.

But I agree with PP anyway. You need to get over it. He was just doing his job.

He has to ask that question to make sure that he isn't pushing you into maternity care when you actually wanted an abortion

NerrSnerr · 01/10/2015 17:58

All GPs ask if the pregnancy was planned. I also wonder, is wasn't deadpan humour that got lost was it?

Original poster

sammyjayneex · 01/10/2015 17:59

Any woman wanting an abortion would clearly day so. She wouldn't personally ask for the maternity care herself if she planned to abort. I didn't laugh in his face!!!! I was trying to lighten the mood as he was really nasty saying he had been calling me and I don't see why I should apologise for a simple mistake that wasn't just my fault. Maybe they should tell the receptionist to point patients in the right direction because he sometimes goes In different rooms.

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Original poster

sammyjayneex · 01/10/2015 18:00

It definitely wasn't humour
The look on his face said it all.

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charlh929 · 01/10/2015 18:35

I sympathise with you! When I was pregnant with my DS, my midwife made me feel uncomfortable throughout all the pregnancy. She took no interest in me or the baby, never asked if I had any questions/concerns (so I felt like I couldn't ask anything because I felt like I was wasting her time, and at my 38 week appointment forgot my name and asked I awkwardly had to stand there telling her what it was. I literally used to dread my appointments, and even contemplated changing my GP (there aren't any other midwifes at the surgery so I couldn't ask for another). Then when she visited me at home with my baby she asked no questions about the birth or how I was feeling. I vowed never to see her again. So I do understand where you're coming from, sometimes people don't realise how they come across.

goawayalready · 01/10/2015 18:43

i was 25 taken the morning after pill and found out i was pregnant my doctor looked at me and said are we keeping this? such a stern tone! i said well erm i sort of don't feel like i could go through an abortion so yes? he said brilliant because i hate it when i have to refer people for one of those you will be fine i will help you through and he did he was a very good doctor who struggled with his anti abortion outlook

doctors are human! if you dont like how they speak to you use another doctor

definiteissues · 01/10/2015 19:07

No, they wouldn't necessarily.
Sometimes they don't feel they can say the words
Sometimes they go and say what is expected because they think they should. And then when a direct question is asked they sometimes open up or the reaction given means that the doctor knows to ask more direct questions.

You are being ridiculous, you really are

ovenchips · 01/10/2015 19:57

I think it does sound like you had a snarly doctor. I would have been peeved at that tone and the question about wanting more children. I am sure the vast majority of people would be peeved in that scenario.

However, ultimately his personal opinion is of no significance to you, nor do you need him on side to get the services you require. So it's really not worthy of your energy and headspace. Move on, onwards and upwards and all that! And congrats on pregnancy

lordStrange · 01/10/2015 20:05

He made you feel like shit, I'm not sure why pp feel like that was ok, the fault is with you, etc.

He is not a pleasant dr. and you should avoid appointments with him if you are able to. Hopefully the MW team will take care of you from now anyway.

Congratulations .

GayByrne · 01/10/2015 22:06

I'm not sure why the op is getting such a shitty time here tbh.

Op, you got a moody, gnarly and prob old fashioned gp. They can be right moody fuckers for whatever reasons, acceptable reasons and rubbish reasons. I do believe he judged you and you're right, how dare he?!

I hope you have a stress less pregnancy and birth and add to your brood with no drama. Going from 4-5 is no bother surely, you're a pro by now!! X

fanjodisfunction · 02/10/2015 11:08

If your not happy then write a letter to the practice manager saying that the doctors need to change their tone when addressing these issues. We were not there so can't tell you if he was being too blunt etc. Your the one who feels your were spoken too in a blunt, upsetting way.

I once complained when I was bleeding during early pg, went to the doctor and hoped to be shown some kind of sympathy (especially as my first baby was stillborn) the doctor told me I was being too sensitive and that many women in Thailand give birth every day with no help!
I remember walking out thinking 'what the fuck!'

Some gps do have terrible manners and people skills, but I think a little letter to the practice manager can really help, doctors are providing a service after all and we are the customer.

Good luck with the pregnancy

Original poster

sammyjayneex · 04/10/2015 19:06

I am going to see the practice manager tomorrow and discuss this.

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stateoftheart · 05/10/2015 12:38

I am expecting baby no.5 and have these comments constantly. It was worse from work colleagues and I am a Social Worker so would expect a more non judgemental attitude!

I get asked how I have the time, am I mad, do I think I'll have more, ect ect.

It does rile me a bit tbh. I also often get asked staight afterwards how old I am, I assume this is so the person can judge me even more.

MrsPCR · 05/10/2015 18:28

You are one person of about 100 he has to deal with that day. Maybe he'd just had a run of (emotionally) challenging appointments?

I think as pp have stated, he was just trying to guague if this was wanted as you made it clear it was unplanned. You may not have been able to say at first if you wanted a termination and was giving you a second chance at saying so. But like at the booking in appointment, they ask about DV and then double check. Most people have prepared the answer they feel they should give first time so they ask again to try to catch you off guard and see your genuine reaction.

Or maybe you have 12 children and he forgot himself and reacted truthfully. Meaning most people would be shocked, but not necessarily judgemental.

You need to toughen up, you clearly have a negative perception of your situation and so will get similar reactions from the general public. You need to announce your pregnancy more positively if you want others to be pleased.

Original poster

sammyjayneex · 05/10/2015 19:12

I went to see the practice manager today and he said he will deal with it internally so at least he won't hopefully be saying this to anyone else again

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