Mad opinions /advice from family....

[Sleepybeanbump]

So far we've we've had:

Mother: Why do you need a car seat? Can't you just put the carrycot on the back seat?

Mother: Your cats will kill the baby.

Mother: You probably won't get any bigger [I was 5 months]

Mother: You need a drape over the cot. Babies like to feel cosy and enclosed and secure. In my day cots had little curtains over them....
Me: Erm, um, I've not seen such a thing for sale....
Mother: Well why don't you drape a blanket over the cot?
Me: Um, well, how would I attach it? it wouldn't be very safe...
Mother: [exasperated] You wouldn't attach it! Just lay it over the top of the cot!
Me: Er...I don't think that's very safe. It would probably fall on the baby.
Mother: Harrumph.

Also much eye-rolling and smirking and Daily Mail 'elf n safety type comments in reaction to any safety precautions...baby in our room for 6 months, sleeping on back, room temperature etc.... I turned down her offer of a baby pillow...that didn't go down well!

Anyone else on the receiving end of this sort of thing?!

To be fair my DM was pretty good (former paediatric nurse and happy to accept that things might have changed since her day - and the advice she gave was usually pretty good). But on the rare occasions I got daft comments - I went with a nice noncommittal "oh, that's interesting" or "I'll have a think about it". Especially pre-birth.

After DC were born I was probably a bit more "well, we've decided to do it this way".

But I suppose all of that requires that you are speaking to a reasonable person!

She sounds unhinged. I'm a grandmother (just) and have never heard of the stuff she's mentioned. No car seat? Really? That's not normal.

Yeah, unhinged is one word for her!

Nod, smile and ignore.

"Because that's what we decided it's best for our child"

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind"

You'll have to grow a very thick skin because everyone and their dog will have an opinion on what you should/shouldn't be doing, especially when DC is here. I'd try not to argue but just politely brush it off. You can't win. If it gets too much you might remind them that it's your baby, and you decide what is best for them.

My dad turned up with a packet of rusks when dd1 was 12 weeks old and helpfully explained that I should mush it up and put it in her bottle 'to help her sleep longer'
To be fair I think that was completely normal 30 years ago!
A few weeks ago my auntie was outraged because I let 8 week old dd2 sleep on me. Apparently I am setting myself up for trouble and she will be a terrible sleeper. She is now 13 weeks and sleeps through the night, and I still let nap on me because I love the cuddles!

Please never let that woman look after your baby! I'm sure she means well but flippin' heckler, how have you not murdered her?

Ha! Yeah, I wouldn't let either of my parents alone in a room with the baby, don't worry! I don't even trust them to feed my cats when I'm away.

Oh my goodness!!! I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're not 50+! I'm 28, and there were car seats in my day! I think you'll just have to develop a series of random non-committal phrases for times like this, and then turn around and do it your way. Things have changed a lot since our mothers had us as newborns, and so in some cases their advice is now considered outdated or even dangerous, thankfully so far my mum has accepted that not everything's going to be the same. They didn't even have ultrasound when I was born!

I was told I cannot vaccinate my child and that she is so worried about all the chemicals I am planning on injecting into myself and my baby (whooping cough vaccine for me then the rest for the baby)

Also told not to use johnsons products as it will give my baby cancer...

I'm 32 and my mum has told me they didn't have a baby car seats, she used to put the seatbelt round the Moses basket ??

HOWEVER she does not think this is a good idea now

I think she's referring to talcum powder Lbee, using that is now discouraged as it's not safe to breathe in. The rest of Johnson's product range is safe though...

It is thought talcum powder has a link to ovarian cancer look it up on google.

My Mum asked me about carrycot on the back seat.

To be fair to her, I remember it being ok when my sister was a baby, it's what you did.

That's the only mental thing she has said god bless her

I wish it was just that, something to do with a chemical in Johnsons baby shampoo... She shared a link on my Facebook wall but I deleted it. I'll try and find it.

I also overheard my dp grandmother telling someone to give their 8 week old baby water because he was waking up too much and it will teach him to sleep as 'he will just get water if he wakes up' ... Now I may not have any children myself (pregnant with first) but surely that's crazy?? I'm reading everything I can about babies and I've never read advice even close to that...

Lbee it's pretty good advice but not for an 8wo... more like 12 months+. It's what I did with DS when he kept on waking up for night feeds as a toddler and he soon decided water wasn't worth waking up for.

My experience:

SIL - called then-DH in a panic after I'd posted something on Facebook about craving Boursin on poppyseed bread. Apparently eating poppy seeds while pregnant will give the baby a heroin addiction :o

My mum keeps harping on about giving the baby water, not to make her sleep through but because she'll be thirsty without it I think it's just something they used to do back then

People WILL NOT stop going on about how I should be giving my 15wo DS baby rice 'at least'! Not sure why, as he sleeps 8-10 hours a night, with a maximum of 1 feed.

Also...
Mother: 'Your sister did it...'

She is constantly using this line, be it about getting our of hospital on the same day, bottle-feeding, sterilising, making up bottles, when to put baby in his own room, I have heard that damn line WAY too many times.

What I want to say: 'So WHAT?!?! Why the feck would that matter?!?! Who is she, Super-feckin-Mum or something?!?!'

What I actually say: 'Yeah....'

Urgh.

Amusing though some of this thread is, it's to be hoped that the DM's that managed to raise the posters to be healthy enough to have their own babies aren't reading this and feeling very disappointed that their Dc's think it so funny to ridicule their mostly well meant advice.
Good job this is just an anonymous Internet forum, and they (hopefully) will never know how little respect you have for their old fashioned and silly ideas and experiences, and how you know so much better than they do.

"We all do the best we can with the information we have at the time, don't we?"

A reassuring line for FadedRed

I know your comment is meant well faded but I'd like to point out that I'm not a bitch. I'm making light of my mother's comments here but what lies underneath that is a women who abused me as a child, who has tried to prevent everything good that has happened to me as an adult and is so psychologically damaging to everyone around her that I can't leave her unsupervised with my child as much for that reason as her outdated parenting ideas.

She is also full on crazy with pretty much all her opinions about everything. She's a very unstable person. Sorry- I felt like making a joke out of it rather than focus on all of that crap.

You'll see from my post on another thread where you referenced this one that we actually see eye to eye.

Times move on but I don't think poppyseed bread has ever been that dangerous.

OP

Actually there were some valid concerns raised over Johnsons baby shampoo but apparently they changed the formula early last year:

www.nytimes.com/2014/01/18/business/johnson-johnson-takes-first-step-in-removal-of-questionable-chemicals-from-products.html?_r=0

I'm 29 and my mum says she didn't have a car seat for me when I was born. As a previous poster had said she just used to strap the Moses basket into the back of the car! She does know now though this isn't a good idea, it was the norm back then though.

My mum also said I spent the first 6 months of my life in my stomach as it was recommended that babies sleep in their stomach then.

My grandma (now 99 so while other generation) has been telling me to give my DS some risks in his milk from about 6 weeks. He's 22 weeks now and she's horrified he isn't eating a full Sunday roast Apparently she did it with all her three and 'they were fine'. I just mumble something incoherent and move on. Different generations and all that.

whole, not while
rusks, not risks. That'd be daft.

It might have been "how it was in their day", but I think people still need to accept that things change, new evidence emerges, "best practice" is updated.

Insisting things are done the same as they did 30 years ago is just ignorant.

I have come across younger parents who actually follow granny's advice- put rusks/weetabix in bottles at 6 weeks old.

If my dc ever have children is like to think I'll respect current thinking and not just insist that my way is right.